When it comes down to the crunch ie something goes wrong we are both always there for each other. We do always have each other's back. I nearly ate his boss for breakfast the other day when she belittled him and likewise, a guy was making fun of my business idea and Brent pretty much verbally dived down his throat. That isn't the issue.

The issues are communication being a one way street, he isn't spending quality time with his son and I need help around the house.

Brent nearly was in a wheelchair and I had the option to spend the rest of my life with someone in the situation you described. I would have proudly done it too. But that's an entirely different scenario, he has 2 arms capable of moving, 2 legs capable of moving, and a big mouth that he's also capable of moving lol

The fact is he's not disabled and needs to pull his finger out ;-)

 Ahahaha sry that "he has 2 arms capable of moving, 2 legs capable of moving, and a big mouth that he's also capable of moving" bit was just so funny. i actualy giggled.

you are doing a lot more then me but i also think my bf could help a little more then he does, he make the most mess out of everyone!!!!!!!

Hehe just my personality love, humor is just how I try to handle things. Kinda like that Scrubs episode where Dr Cox starts to drink his problems away and Jaydee says he has to stop running from his problems. Then Dr Cox points out that Jaydee makes silly jokes to deal with his.

Yes he does need to shift his priorities Mel, I agree, was just sayin something from my own experience that i thought would help coz i didnt want to join a bunch of people sayin dump the poor guy and run, you speak so highly of him I figure theres much to salvage and taking away the security that you are there for him isnt going to make your relationship heal... not everyone is disabled, and even Scotty has his days where he doesnt feel like helping out, usually I see that as my cue to ask him what i can do to make him feel happier about whatever is goin on in his life at the time, when hes miserable, my needs are on the backburner and vice versa. Only you know what its like to be with him and only you know if it will work and improve.. even reading the stuff thats going on.. I always say theres 3 sides to every story and that remains true even with the man I despise.. I cannot pass judgement on him without knowing both.. but i do feel for your situation, and do want you to be happy too, so hard with lil ones involved :) take care Mel xx

We're very alike Mel jeez we even have the same name ;-)

There is 3 sides to every story you're right... my side, their side and the truth lays somewhere in the middle. But because it's happening to me I'm being a little self absorbed and not really being able to see much of his point of view.

I don't want to dump him he's my son's father and I know just how good of a dad he can be when he wants to be and I know how much he helps out when he wants to. I'm just trying to find a way to bring it back.

At the moment the only option I see is earning more money so he can stop worrying about everything and trying to pin point where each cent of our dollar goes.

I've definately had that feeling myself and I can be a real you know what when it comes to my own feelings too.. I fully understand how it feels when you just want to feel that lil spark you had in the beginning and its not happenin :( I know youre an intelligent, gorgeous, goal orientated and loving mum, like myself :) I was just trying to bring you back to that part of yourself that knows how very much you love the guy.. otherwise it wouldnt upset you to feel the way you do to begin with :)

Money is such a struggle these days and sometimes we can get soo caught up in everything we need to do to survive and providing for our kiddies.. pretty much being able to be financially stable enough to still get out of the house and do the fun stuff :P am thinkin of ya Melly xx

You have done just that we went for a picnic at the lakes and then went for icecream it's been a good day so far!

Love Mel

xox

Tell you what I'm ready to take that hint... He thinks if he makes me dinner one night that all of our problems will disappear. It was a good start but I know from experience that it never lasts long, a couple of days tops his record is actually. This time it didn't even last 2 days.

We've already entered another fight today about how he doesn't lift a finger around here. I'm very tired, I'm studying 2 courses, looking after a 1 year old who has just learnt how to walk inbetween house work and trying to look for work considering the day care has left me stranded after making false promises. It's not like his work is very demanding he sits in the office all day.

This week is his week to do dishes (a rule HE made up) and I've had to end up doing them 2 nights in a row because they were still sitting there. Sorry but I won't allow filth to build up when we have a little boy around - it's a hazard to his health to leave that kind of shit laying around.

I only ask him to take the trash out and he can't even do that. He has just resorts to throwing it on the bench.

Instead of saying sorry or hey I know I haven't been pulling my share lately but I'll make up for it he decides to try to justify it.

Now we're not speaking again because I'm sick and tired of him not getting it, not making an effort and just fighting for the bloody sake of it.

Where is that brick wall, it's time to go headbutt it again *sigh*

Would you handle rural life though? LOL.  Not much of a bus service here, way too many hills (and that's coming from a kiwi) and we don't really have a cinema any more (we do, then we don't, then we do....). LOL  But, I'm here!

I'm guessing you have noticed a pattern of behaviour with him, and while he makes that small effort, he thinks he's done enough and things go back to normal.  That's the way a lot of males think and behave.  No wonder we say they are from Mars, got nothing but red dust between their ears! lmao!

You are putting yourself under a lot of pressure with your courses, businesses and looking after Rai.  Have to wonder if there might be an ego thing happening here then.  Men like to think they are the ones who bring the family 'status' up, and can get depressed if they think they aren't doing enough.  Yep, got one of those males here too, though I think I've just about gotten it out of mine.

Both of you need some time apart to really think about your future.  You need to think about whether it is worth being at each others throats for the rest of your lives, or whether it is worth parting while you both have some dignity left.  Of course, if you both think you can work things out and reach compromises, then both of you need to seek counselling (together and seperately) because that will be the best tool for you.

As for that brick wall.  Got plenty of them here.  Not sure there is much space left though after I've attacked them first! lmao!  But mine do talk back, funnily enough.

Maybe it is a good idea if you get your psychology books out again, and see if they can't give you some perspective.  It is always harder for someone within the situation to see where things went wrong, but you already have the tools in your brain so a quick read up isn't going to hurt.

It might be an ego thing... he failed his assignment because he rushed it. He got all the questions right but didn't read it carefully enough to read the instructions "please do not circle the answers, fill them in the answer form on the back page" so they've sent it back to him to do it again LOL good lesson to learn!!

I got 4 people signed up in a week (it took a lot of effort about 2 hours of walking in the QLD heat to get our catalogues out there so people hear about our business and know we're not just some cheap knock off. I ran in to 2 ladies with their kids playing on the lawn and they wanted to hear more about it which resulted in making 7pm business trips to sit down and explain everything - which ended up being worth it. Then 2 of their friends got excited about it and signed up through the website). I haven't been able to sell at the markets because we need an extra income to buy the products to begin with. As it stands we're living off bread and milk. It's a shame I won't see any decent monthly income from this thing for at least another year or two of hard work. It will be worth it in my 30's and 40's though.

Dusty dusty psych books lol the knowledge is there but when it comes to my own problems I am hopeless and very emotionally charged. I fobbed half of them off on Ebay but I still have some counselling ones laying around.

To be honest I think it all comes down to money. My prediction is that when I start work at the day care centre which in turn will allow me to buy more business products to make profit off, things will start to go back to normal.

I can then afford netball lessons, have the money to start my own mothers group, he can get a 2nd hand bike to go riding through the mountains again to calm down ect

It sounds like he needs to learn how to prioritize his time a bit better with assignments.  I know I was always the same, though when I moved out of home, they were all done within days of them being handed out.

There are lots of internet based rewards programs out there that offer gift vouchers as a reward, which is always helpful (we save ours for Christmas shopping).  Some have huge surveys, some are just view to earn points.  Then of course, there is mylot.  Nothing beats being paid just to voice your opinion on topics or start your own threads- addictive doesn't cover that one I'm afraid! LOL.  If you are interested, just let me know.

Knowing there is a problem and being able to fix it are 2 different things.  Of course you are emotionally invested, if you weren't, I'd really be questioning who had the problem.  Passionate people can lose their way when they feel threatened - i know I have at times, but I've always come back in the end.  Taking time to think, and write out what is going on helps.  Kind of like a psych session, only on paper- seeing the words makes them more real.

Money makes life easier, but remember, it doesn't always bring happiness.  Until you do start working, you still need to find ways to cope together NOW.  I'm really suspecting your independence is a bit much for your man- I know I'm exhausted just from reading what you get upto! lmao!  Is there something that only he can do that he enjoys?  Possibly something you have taken control of without thinking twice about it?

His connection with Rai is important too, so creative thinking for more involvement is needed.  Just an idea, but what about getting him to watch Rai in the bath so you can use the toilet.  You can't use the toilet and watch the little man at the same time, unless the toilet is in the bathroom, in which case, that isn't going to work!   But anything like that that forces him to be there is a good start.

You know I'm here.  You know I will do whatever I can to help the 3 of you.  And remember to slow down once in while! 

rofl I have had the same thought!

I think many of us have had that thought one time or another. lol. o_0

 Im glad im not the only one!!!! Tho with how bitchy some girls can get... that is looking just as bad! lol

Lmao. So very true!!!

Thanks sweety I need them not getting any this side! except from rai of course! lol

who knows who knows... He did ring me 3 times by the time I got to the park down the road from us. So I hope that is a good sign?? And this morning he bought lunch and we went to the lakes to feed the ducks but he was whinging most of the time lol

 I ment to add that, that was from me 

Angie xx  muwah!!!!

Everything happens for a reason so I'll just flow with it and see what happens xo mwah!

relationship counselling might be a good idea Kath we did go to relationship counselling a couple of months after Rai was born and it saved our relationship back then but now he has slipped back in to old habbits. His new goal is to get in to the police force, he has the goal just lost the motivation after his last set of assignments to keep going and get it finished quickly xox

Hopefully the screws don't come loose LOL It's like he pulled down a lever and switched train tracks. He used to spend every last minute he had with our son and now he seems to be avoiding him :S

Love mel xoxo

Boy it's great I love it. I have never been good at talking about emotions because of my childhood but I have always been good at writing. If he is depressed then I would just like to hear it ya know? I could help him but he just won't admit that anything is wrong xoxoxo

I hear ya! I've been working through this type of thing with Michael. (He isn't ex navy or anything, he was an abused child.)

It has been very, very hard often, but Michael is learning both when to talk to me, and when he should just shut up!!() And we still have a way to go yet, but I know that sometimes what you need most is to be able to vent to faceless friends who arn't going to talk over you or advise you or whatever as you are venting, but rather you can get it all out uninterupted, and go away and cry, and when you come back there are a lot of people saying what they think will help in a somewhat random fashion, and it helps, just a bit . . .

I can understand when ppl get depressed sometimes but I have been tryin since my son was born to keep everything together. You can only try so hard before you know your energy is better invested in to something more constructive xoxoxo I have been tryin to hug him all night and he just pulls away. I give up, I'm over it.

thats not good, if he is rejecting affection that will affect ur self esstem :(

ill hug u

xoxo

Thanks Pauline! You were in my dream last night and so was Helen! weird! We were sitting at a dinner table praying together, all 3 of us!

love Mel

xox

That was weird, probably because you are going through a little of what Helen went through, it is always good to have praying on your mind last thing at night ```9 `and first thimg in the morning

How are you feeling today?

Helen is home from her holiday in Iceland later today, I have missed her and the boys

Look after yourself and your little one and Take care

Love Pauline

He was medically discharged after he suffered from a neck injury after training. He was smart enough to go for the sas if he really wanted to but his health ruined his dream at the time. It truly upsets me coz I was willing to stick by his side even if it meant he was going to be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. I was by Brent's side through every single tear that fell down the side of his cheek and to pick up the pieces when he thought he was a failure. I don't feel appreciated.

Maybe thats whats eating him, he's grieving for the loss of his dreams. Sometimes it helps to understand whats eating him to make it right. I mean if you really want to save the relationship. I'm not trying to convince you either way just suggesting things. Sometimes an outsider can can bring clarity to a situation. When my hubby and I went thru hard times, others pointed things out that I had missed, it really made a difference and helped us save our relationship.

Raven

Thank you ma xoxo

Rai and I went to the park down the road. We sat on top of the hill until we realised we were sitting on a bit ants nest lol then he tried to chase the cockatoos (pink and grey coloured) and he was enjoying the feel of leaves, little gumnuts (don't worry I was watching him incase he put them in his mouth) and the leaves.

I think he will be walking by Monday, will have to post a video for you before then xo

It's okay I refuse to argue in front of our son xo I need to go for a bit and get some fresh air. And I'm sorry if my blog offends anyone but I couldn't hold it in any longer. I have just tried and tried and tried but he won't meet me half way.

Love mel

Don't be silly you did not offend anyone you had to say it and what better pace than here 

Believe it or not I was once where you are now so I know what this is all about and the feelings you have you have only just scratched the surface of what you are really going through please dont hesitate to minti mail me if you need a shoulder 

I slept in my spare room for three years as I could not move out as I had no income at all and no job prospects this all happened just after I lost our child (miscariage) he was seeing and bringing home to the house other people to flaunt and get drunk with 

I found my true love this time and I am still in love and sssoo happy 

If you need anything just ask I will help if I can just ask 

 ciao Vicki   

Ahhh it's so frustrating he keeps saying "lets sit down and talk" and "what's wrong?" and when I tell him, he either ends up leaving the room, avoiding me so we don't have to talk about it or denys that he is doing anything wrong at all. I had to keep telling him that I won't argue in front of our son.

I told him that he needs to listen and make changes or I'll be moving out once I have the income. Then he was bein an ass and saying well if you're not happy there's the door.

So when I actually stood up and walked out he rang me on my phone while rai and I were at the park and decided he wanted to talk like an adult. Still nothing is progressing though.

His answer is that once we have more money he will be happier. The thing is, money doesn't buy happiness. He needs to enjoy the present moment with his family and trust that money will come when it's good and ready to.

Mel is he feeling uset that he can't look after you and Rai like he used to Oh! and by the way no matter how hard DON"T ever Leave a house especially if you have a child 

That is if you are bying the house if your renting yes do it just be very careful that he doesn't become violent 

It sounds like he is feeling insecure I'll have to think a bit more but please keep me posted   

I think you're on to something vicky. Before we had quite a bit of savings and now thanks to the economic crisis we have been digging in there each month to pay the bills. We've had to sell the motorbikes, the gear as well as his guitars just to pay unexpected bills like when the housemates put holes in our walls, equipment for rai's asthma, insurance, license renuals ect

Brent used to play his guitars and we used to go riding up through the mountains as a way to relax. I guess he feels that he is working 12 hours a day and we have nothing to show for it as it's just enough to get us by each month until I start work.

I really do believe that money is an evil necessity, I don't want to argue over money. We have something that money can't buy, each other.