You have hit on the problem  !!!!!! His birthday is coming up love

Love Mum

oh hunny. I cant even to begin to resond. All  I wanna do is jump on a plane and come over adn hug you heaps.

I know I have left my mum and I dont ever want to see her ever again, but with you its completely different.

please remember you are the bestest friend, person and mother. As I have said to you many times before you ahve helped me in so many ways without knowing it directly.

keep your belief strong and true.

you are truely wonderful and amazing. and I am sure you 2 boys understand your fears.

Hun, if you did stop loving him, you'd hate yourself and still be hurt, so better to be hurt by someone you love than someone you don't.

You have done everything you can to keep your boys safe and to raise them to be outstanding young men, but you can't make all their decisions for them.  You have to learn that they have to be their own person sometimes and that they aren't always going to do or say things that please you - let's face it, kids like to annoy us.

Yes, your younger boys are being treated somewhat unfairly BUT...you have reason to be mistrustful because of your oldest.  You just need to trust that the sons with you are not the absent son, and that they have made the concious choice to not be like him. 

Keep breathing hun, big deep breathes, and talk to your boys about how you are feeling.  They will understand and help you through.  You are blessed to have such loving sons there to prop you up when you need it.

*huge big hugs*.  Sweetie, are you in touch with your counsellor right now?  It strikes me that this may be a bit more than you can get past on your own and that some help might be really good right now.

Seriously, don't beat yourself up that you'll never get past this.  You will get past it and you will be so much healthier in another year that you'll wonder why it ever was able to get to you so much.  But (unfortunately) you do need to do the leg work to get there.

It strikes me that you've had to put so much energy into dealing with your feelings around -x that you haven't yet really had the chance to deal with the issues around your son.  I suspect this might be the next stage for you.  *more big hugs* Thinking of you heaps and hope things are settling down by the time you read this...

Hello Nell!  I am so sorry that old hurts are raising themselves, but so good you come here to vent.  Life has not been easy and your path has lead you to where you are now. So!!!  No backwards steps, there is only forward!  Forward to conquer all!   All your bravery is needed now.  C is his own person and some how I think molded by x a little too much.  I still know the day he sees the light will come and I know you will be there beckoning him with all the love a Mother has for her son.  You can control nothing he does.  He is unfortunately  putting his worst out for the world to see.  Maybe you are panicking because you know he needs guidence but not much you can do there.  You know what you can do and that is control you and your reactions.  You are doing great and so are your boys and Daughter. Keep going girl, you will win it all, minor blips are allowed!  And just so Ya know, you have support ! Sending you vibes and hugs!

 I have re-read your blog over a few times and sat staring, not sure  how to respond.

It saddens me to hear that you are on an  emotional roller coaster once again...can understand your hurt, pain and being disillusioned with C.

But cannot understand you withdrawing from Thomas, in fear of rejection. Reading your 2nd last paragraph says it all about your boys, you have no worries about your two younger boys rewriting the history books.

Our self protection mode, is a safe guard against hurt pain & disappointment but I feel it can kick in at the wrong time, sometimes!

I could suggest that you stop looking at C's face-book page but I feel you won't...awful as it is the young seem to talk like this these days, plus C has not had his loving Mother's influence either.

Take care.

Hugs Janice

I'm so sorry to hear you in so much pain. I do understand that feeling of children doing what you haven't raised them to do, but from all the teenage parenting classes I have attended I realise my own emotional state was confusing my boys. I think what I am trying to say is the unresolved emotional issues of the past was colouring my reactions to the behaviours. Just like you are saying you pulled away from T because of past experience with C. It is very painful but I went to councilling sessions over past issues and it really made a difference in how I viewed so many things but most importantly it has made my relationships with my boys heaps better. I now feel more relaxed. I don't feel you should ever stop loving him. Keep the door open always but maybe close the door on past hurts? If facebook is hurting you, please try not to look at it. You have to look after you first! Take care Helen. Please accept all the big hugs coming your way!

 Hey sweetie, I dont know what to say but am sending you huge hugsxxx

Oh Helen, there's nothing weird in how you reacted to Thomas when he reminded you of Chris. There is so much emotion involved in the period of your life when he rejected you, it shouldnt be surprising when it bubbles up from time to time. There's not much Thomas can do about it, but did you explain to him what was going on? As long as Thomas knows it's Chris you're reacting to and not him, then he can probably cope with you going odd on him from time to time. He probably feels the loss too - maybe he has his flashbacks too? Do you still have access to counselling?

The fact is that from the moment they are born what ever our kids do, we know logically that we will always love them. Even if we don't like them! And that wont ever stop. Life sentence.

When you see his bad language, remember that young men often talk like that amongst themselves (I know, I was often the only girl at college in a group of teen boys, and not much shocks me now!) and it wasnt written for your consumption. I doubt he would talk to you like that, or even his father, just his mates.

oh helen my heart really goes out to you.

Of course you cant stop yourself from looking. You are still his mum and you want to know that he is ok. there is nothing wrong with that. Its not in your nature to stop loving him. Besides it wouldnt be easier. It would just mean that you had no heart.Its because you have a heart that you are hurting so.

You have come a long way. Sometimes no matter how much you want to be able to clear the air with Chris, the opportunity wont be readily available. At the moment Chris Is believing ewhat he wants to believe. One day he might see things differently. I feel for you for your fear with Tom and Daniel. Its moments like this that we tend to question ourselves over and over again. We are not perfect but at the same time you have come such a long way. Hold on to it. Dont go sliding down again.

Sometimes its like good and evil are there in our lives jostling. sometimes no matter how hard we try it appears that evil is creeping in from somewhere. In moments like this i hold onto faith for dear life and i pray. Are we being tested ? i dont know. All i know is Helen that you love your boys. You have a strong family support. You know all that, but dont allow the negative thoughts to take over all the positive thoughts. After all thats  what they are. Thoughts. 

sending you lots of hugs and kisses 

annie xxxooo