Minti - Dipping my toe in the water.............

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Member » nell18-3 » Blog » Dipping my toe in the water......

10

Oct

2007

Dipping my toe in the water.............

Comment Published at 09:00

09:00

26 comments

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I have missed everyone
Just haven't felt up to being around on here much lately
Fact is my own children for a variety of reasons needed me more
They still need me, but my batteries are running pretty flat now so I needed some "ME" time back with my friends on here.
If there is anything mentally more exhausting than dealing with depression, then it is watching one of your own children struggle with the same affliction. I am completely exhausted, frail and hurting for them.
I will try and be about more again now, but I will apologise in advance if I take anything the wrong way, as I am HYPER sensitive.
Is it really too much to ask to live an umcomplicated life in happiness with my children, seeing smiles on their faces, shining eyes of good health, a time when the phone ring without me dreading what is coming next and tears on all our faces from laughter not crying
I do so want to be brave and take control, but I am so tired.....tired of the criticism, tired of the lies, tired of the loneliness, tired of the pain, tired of the confusion, tired of the self doubt and tired of being tired.
But I will keep on, because he is not getting the better of me ever again
So I think I'm back????????
Thanks to all my amazing friends who have kept me going. You know I love ya
xxxx

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Comments

	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| lightbee

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

*Big, big, big, big HUGS!!*

It doesn't matter if you're back or not, cause you don't get to escape anyway! LOL!

Hope things are starting to improve by the time you get this.

xoxoxoxooxoxoxox

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	October 2007 \| nell18-3

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Aaaaahhhhh Thanks Leith

xxx

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| julielf

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Sometimes I wish I had my own aeroplane so that I could fly anywhere in the world and give people in need big hugs. Maybe one day!! Until then - you are an amazing person who, one day, will have an awesome story of how you got through these bad times. God is a good God and you will get through all this.

I know it's easy to give advice but here is mine anyway. Start to dwell on the memories of the good times and not the stuff that is happening now. Look over some of your "good time" blogs, like when your daughter visited etc etc. It should help to make you feel better.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| nell18-3

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Thankyou Julie
You are right about the good memories, why do the bad ones linger so powerfully

Soon as you get your plane please let me know and I'll be waiting for you

xxx

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| dramamom

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Just keep keeping on. We love you, and so does your heavenly Father.
Hugs!

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	October 2007 \| nell18-3

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Thankyou Krista
I believe that too!
Hope your family are doing well
xxx

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| Izzy

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

oh nell, I hope you are back! I only know too well how you're feeling... it's tough.

I want to say think of positive things, but that's like saying it's that easy and I know it isn't.

Hang in there. I hope Minti is a great distraction for you and is able to keep you positive.

Reply

	October 2007 \| nell18-3

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Thankyou Izzy
You are so right about saying its not easy, even when you think of positive things they still feel negative
I am doing much better again today though
Minti seems to be great medication

xxx

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| Flicka

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

*HUGS*

No need to apologise to us here for anything, certainly not for feeling over sensitive. We all get like that sometimes and you have a good reason for being that way. I really hope things will improve for you and your children soon. Take care!

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| nell18-3

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

thankyou so much
All the support is awesome, and very encouraging too
You are all a real tonic at a time when I needed one
xxx

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| merlin0903

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

oh sweetie i hope that things start to improve for both you and your little man, its hard to watch, i know i have a friend that is going through something like it at the moment she has always suffered from depression of some kind and now her teenage daughter is going through it as well,

but i have seen just how strong you can be, and i know that you and your boy will get through this, please don't feel bad for not been here for us as you have to think about yourself and your little man at the moment, but as you know we are all here for you when you need us, and if you need us please just let us know, as we are always here,

super hugs and kisses

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| nell18-3

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Ah thankyou
I'm a wreck reading all this stuff, what amazing friends you all are
My youngest is having a sleep over with his nan and grandad tonight ( my parents) first time in months, all the rest of this week since coming home from the weekend he has refused to sleep anywhere but in my bed with me, bless him. I should get a good night sleep too as I KNOW he will be fine with my parents, they love him almost as much as I do

xxx

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| natelz1

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Glad to have yu back hun, missed having you around.. You have so many people who love you on minti and we all want to be here for you should you need us... xxx

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| nell18-3

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

thankyou so much for those lovely words
I do miss the strength you all send to me when I am away, its just when you have nothing left to give its so much easier to shut down
But I have 3 fabulous children that clearly love me as much as I love them so I should quit complaining really
xxx

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| Marglr

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Hi Sweety,you need a hug and one of my famous drinks! My DIL was here and she was sooo beyond cute!! She asked me for one of my drinks and had just explained what was going on for her. So I wouldn't leave her by herself...I had one with her. I wouldn't seriously leave her alone and I would rather not leave you alone either. It's human nature to pull in when things aren't right but I'm soooo glad you're back here. If you weren't tired you wouldn't care..that's not you. If you didn't hurt for your kids ..well that wouldn't be you,your a great Mom. Tired just means you need a break and you know what..you deserve it. Things will not change because you keep constant guard. They will change in time. The kids need you but look how far they have come. The situation is tough only because you are trying so very hard to do the right thing by your kids. Others would have cut the @$^*&*%#@ out ages ago but you are leaving that to their logic. They will thank you for that. You deserve NO criticism or self doubt ,you have wonderful insight!!!! You have wonderful instinct,you picked me as a friend didn't you??? Haaa,haaa,got you there Girl. I understand where you're coming from,wish I could bring you my wonderous drink and chat. Take care!

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| nell18-3

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Thanks Marg
Man I need a hug from you and that drink too!!!!! Wouldn't it be great if I opened my door to see you there with my drink in your hand, saying "Dust yourself off and get going again woman!!!!!!" LOL Well just the mental picture is working for me. I'll jump to it right away

xxx

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| Marglr

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Hey!!! The Dust yourself off thing is you!!! Not me!! The idea of the drink is to relax and enjoy each others company and have some fun! I would love nothing better. You are entitled to down time,in fact if you don't take it when would you reflect,change course or take stock,down time has it's purpose too! You'll get going again Sweety,just give yourself the huge gift of understanding your own needs...you count!!!

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| cazza

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

You know i think you are a amazing mum, and friend.. SO dont ever feel bad for not being on here as your children are the most important loved ones in your life. and you need to be there for them.. So take as much time as you need, but please if we can help in any way let us know...

And for the last part whohoooooooo love the fighting spirit, and you Go girl.....

take care

love cazza

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| nell18-3

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Hi Cazza
thankyou.
Don't know where the fighting talk comes from LOL but one of the ladies I work with at the school says there comes a time when you snap and say "Thats enough, no more" and she thinks I have got there. She has took me under her wing and gives me tips on being assertive, I joke with her that I am her apprentice as everyone at school is afraid of her a little, but I think she is great and so do her friends.
xxx

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| Ngairi

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

hugs pic - 301

Take as much time as you need to reboost yourself. You can't help others if you don't help yourself first. Good on you for standing firm about him.
Give you kids a big hug. You have taken the first steps towards your own goals and dreams. Just never lose sight of them. Leisa

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| nell18-3

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Thanks Leisa
I'm always hugging my kids already, they will love you for giving me instructions to do it!!!!
My daughter is who I am most concerned about at the moment and she is very "huggy" she plays on it though and makes faces to her brothers every time I give her a hug, makes them laugh anyway!!!! LOL The minx
xxx

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| KathrynR1402

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Well done for dipping your toe in! Hope the little bit of me time helped recharge your batteries? And well done for the little bit of fighting talk at the end there!!! Try to think of this time as a refining fire - when things have calmed down the dross will have been burned off... well, perhaps it will have lost it's power over you & your kids, which will be a great feeling, eh? Keep going!

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| nell18-3

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Thankyou Kathryn
I will keep going, we are way too far down the track to do anything different!!!! And the irony is that I wouldn't change a single decision I have made, its just I wish there was a fast forward button here somewhere
xxx

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| KathrynR1402

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Oh, that fast forward button! I could have done with that in 2005! I so wanted to know I was going to have a happy ending! If I could have known for sure about Sophie, it would have hurt less. But life doesnt work like an episode of CSI - darn! Where's Gil when you need him?!

But the decisions we make shape our futures, so we need to have some confidence in our ability to make good ones. Im glad you have that confidence! I asume a couple of years ago you didnt have that confidence? You've come so far!

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| Kristen

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

So glad to have you back and so sorry that you have been having a rough time. We missed you.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| nell18-3

Re: Dipping my toe in the water.............

Thankyou Kristen
I appreciate that
xxx

Reply


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