When I was staying in Iceland he played me the remix of one of my favourite songs, he is a music buff, he produces his own music in his spare time and has an album out in a few months. he will love me for giving him a plug. Anyone who likes this kind of music let me know and I'll link you his "site" 

Its called Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

For the record he didn't do anything to this particular song !!!

I have been nagging him ever since to send me over the computer the mp3 version so I can add it to mytunes, last night he did this for me and I have been playing it non stop ever since

I LOVE IT !!!!!!!!!!

And its my kinda music to a capital T

Just wanted to see if anyone agrees with me

Before going to U Tube, I warn you its an 8 minute version and the singing doens't kick in until 1 min 58 secs

Opinions please ........but only good ones

xxx

When I first split up with -x, he was still working away and living further up North so for a few months when collecting both boys for the weekend he then took them both to his flat a couple hours away. He bought them both a PSP to entertain them in the car. Each time they would ask if they could bring it home but they were always told NO it was for when they were with him!!!!

I used to find it amusing to be honest that he was so threatened that he had to use expensive gifts to keep them coming to him. Meanwhile the boys have been always allowed to take anything from home to their visits with him. I don't play stupid games like that.

Thomas has not seen his dad since last October and in that time he has asked repeatedly for his clothes he left there, his drum kit that he wants to sell, (it was a joint christmas gift from ourselves, his uncles and his grandparents years ago) the only reason it was at his dads was because Thomas wanted to sell it and his dad thought he had a buyer, he wanted to split the money with thomas, however I assured Thomas that he was to insist I would back him that every penny belonged to Thomas ! Grrrrrr he is still waiting for the drum kit his dad has lent it to the church he goes to (generous man that he is !!!) Apparently Thomas also has his own TV at his dads that was a christmas present from his dad 2006.

Okay so thats the background.

Yesterday Thomas emailed his dad and said basically that "I have asked loads of times but I want all my stuff back, including the TV, drum kit my clothes and the PSP "

He has just had his answer:

I quote " Your stuff as you call it, I will drop at your Nans if that is what you want. the drum kit is at the church like I already told you but I will get that to your Nans too."

You can have the clothes and the TV as that was a Christmas present, but I am keeping the PSP I only bought that for you to play with when you are with me."

Thomas is currently fuming and has emailed back "I thought a gift was something you gave to someone !!!!"

Is it me or is this just ridiculous, sadly it has also upset Daniel as he has already said that means if I don't want to see him I won't get my PSP back either

This man sorry strike that !!!!!!! This idiot has no idea what he is doing to these boys. If he started acting like a decent person then he has a better chance of keeping a relationship with them, why can't he see that ??????

On the other hand, am I just turning into an angry, bitter and twisted ex wife ???????????

Through my DV Workshops, I have just been approached to see if I would be willing to talk on Local Radio about my experiences of overcoming Domestic Violence.

They are doing with an interesting spin. Lots of women (and men of course !) escape from DV with little or no support from friends and family. The radio is doing a series of features from all walks of life about how things are when you do get the backing of your family. Naturally I will be able to talk and talk about how family support is the most wonderful thing......... and when the DV leaders were asked if they knew anyone who had an interesting story to tell and the bonus of parental support, apparently my name jumped at them. I was asked a few weeks ago if I was happy for my name to be passed on, I was assured that I can pull out anytime, keep my anonymity and ask them to stop if its painful etc. Basically all control of the interview is with me.

Tonight the lady doing the interview just called me, she sounds lovely and was very friendly and understanding, I am now meeting her beginning of April and we will take it from there.

Not sure what I have let myself in for but I just know I have to do it. If even one person hears my story and realises what they are enduring is abuse and they can stop it......then everything will be worthwhile. Besides I jump at the opportunity to tell the world how amazing and supportive my parents were and still are. i hope I never take them for granted.

Today Daniel was involved in a big local schools Tag Rugby Tournament

His school put in two teams and he proudly announced he was in A Team !!!!!!

The tournament started at noon but he knew I had work first, still I got there at 1.15pm and met my brother and my Mum there, eventually my brother had to go on to work but Mum and I stayed on cheering, (hence I can only talk in a whisper !!)

When I got there, Daniel said they had played three matches and he was sure they were out as they had lost one of them, so he was quite disappointed that I wouldn't see him play, however his teacher went to the results area and came back delighted to tell them they were still very much in the competition and were now in the 2nd round. Great excitement and they quickly played their next three matches, winning all three quite convincingly. They were over the moon as this meant they were automatically in the semi finals.

At this point I was supposed to be collecting Thomas from school but Mum rang Dad and he straight away collected thomas for me, bringing him to the playing fields and both Thomas and Dad were there in time to see the Semi Finals. Daniel himself scored 2 trys in this so by now I was hyper ventilating LOL Again they won and we were all jumping up and down by the touch lines so excited we were in the Final.

The final started and at first it was the two teams taking in turns to score, but then our team managed to get the ball from the other teams Pass and Go and we were in front, from that point our team hardly lost possession and we again won easily

The team were so delighted. Daniel goes to a small school where there are only 80 pupils from Reception to Year 6 so this is a huge achievement to them. There were 32 teams initially. It had broken into two tournaments after the first round, we were in the plate tournament some were in the shield tournament. But I am soooooo proud

Here are some of my favourite pics of the afternoon

xxx

Daniel in action running during one of the matches.

Daniel is the one standing far left with sleeves rolled up !!!!

At the presentation, daniel is over the shoulder of the boy holding the shield

My proud little boy showing off his medal

Today I went to another session at my DV workshop.

I explained how I feel I am trapped in this paranoia bubble and I refuse to get out, i said I find it so frustrating that I still worry about the people who didn't believe me and how i feel that sometimes x is still there and all decisions I make he is still involved in as I wonder what he would think etc

I told them its crazy living with the mixture of guilt that I can't stop fretting, anger that I let things escalate for so many yearsand fear that it will never get easier

These sessions are great as slowly but surely they make you think different. They told me that I probably follow my own instinct so many times of the day without thinking of the past that it just doesn't register, whereas I punish myself really badly for the odd occasion when the past does affect my choices. The leaders of the group seem to think I would be amazed at the times I live life for myself.

Both leaders first met me over a year ago and they tell me they are amazed at my trainsformation. I honestly know I have come a long way and I celebrate that

Maybe I do allow bad thoughts and memories to slip in but I have to stop punishing myself when I falter.

The boys and I had a lovely day today, we left early this morning for RAF Hendon, North London. It was the three of us and my brother and his mate.

Thomas is now quite determined to join the RAF so I may regret this day LOL By the way I am joking I will be proud no matter what career he choose.

Thought I would share some pics.

This is my boys beside the Lancaster Bomber, we had a great time with an old Pilot who used to fly similar planes during the World War 2. What  a honour to meet someone like that.

This has always been Thomas' favourite plane the Tornado, as you can see by the attention he is giving it !!!!

Whereas Daniel loved the old spitfires

As you can see they had great pleasure at being able to sit in the cockpit of one of the fighter jets

This was a huge plane, It is a Vulcan, my brother and Thomas are the two figures in a blur walking underneath to give you an indication of the size of this plane

Meanwhile Daniel was under the very same plane, taking a picture of the undercarriage LOL

I had to take this pic for obvious reasons........... Is that a Kangaroo I see ?????

I am so exhausted tonight, to get to London I drove through rain, hail, snow and sun ????????? How weird !!!!

But my daughter came around this evening and she rounded off a really great day. I wish you could all see the welcome Thomas and Daniel gave her when she surprised us all. She stayed for a while dancing to Itunes with the boys, then I quickly did her hair as she was off for a night out.

Early night tonight I think !!!!!!

xxx

 Received this in an email today and thought I would share it

        TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
            THROUGH THE DESERT.
            DURING SOME  POINT OF THE
            JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
            ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
            SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
            IN THE  FACE.

        THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
            WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
            SAYING ANYTHING,
            WROTE  IN THE SAND:

            TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
            SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

            THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
            UNTIL THEY  FOUND AN OASIS,
            WHERE THEY DECIDED
            TO TAKE A BATH

            THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
            SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
            MIRE AND  STARTED DROWNING,
            BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

            AFTER HE RECOVERED  FROM
            THE NEAR  DROWNING,
            HE WROTE  ON A STONE:

            "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
            SAVED MY LIFE ".

            THE  FRIEND WHO HAD  SLAPPED
            AND SAVED  HIS BEST FRIEND
            ASKED HIM, "AFTER I  HURT YOU,
            YOU WROTE  IN THE SAND AND NOW,
            YOU WRITE  ON A STONE.  WHY?"

            THE FRIEND  REPLIED
            "WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
            WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
            IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
            FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
            BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
            SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
            WE MUST ENGRAVE  IT IN STONE
            WHERE NO WIND
            CAN EVER ERASE IT."

            LEARN TO WRITE
            YOUR HURTS IN
            THE SAND AND TO
            CARVE YOUR
            BENEFITS IN STONE.

            THEY SAY IT TAKES A
            MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL
            PERSON, AN HOUR TO
            APPRECIATE THEM, A  DAY
            TO LOVE THEM,  BUT THEN
            AN ENTIRE LIFE
            TO FORGET THEM.
 

I was so looking forward to blogging today until I got home and saw that card.

Anyway, Daniel had an appointment with his counsellor today, its all done at school so I'm not involved at all, but the counsellor rang me to say he had seen Daniel and was overwhelmed in the transformation. So pleased in fact that he has ended his sessions with Daniel. He has a list so long of kids waiting for help that he feels Daniel has found his centre and is able to cope, but the good thing is that he never shuts the case on any of the children he helps so both Thomas and Daniel are welcome to contact him any time in the future if they need him, but both no longer need regular counselling. I'm sooooooo proud of both of them. Thomas stopped a few months ago but Daniel has been seeing him for 10 months now such was his need.

The counsellor interpreted the email business regarding the break, as his dad getting points for doing the right thing and allowing Daniel to have a break, however at the same time, thinks that his dad seems to be relieved, he can come out a winner and still tell everyone poor me, she has now turned both boys against me !!!!! he advised me that anyone who believes that isn't worth me giving a **** about !!! LOL

He also thought it very wrong he signed off without using the word Dad, and is a bit like throwing the toys out of his pram.

He thinks Daniel has transformed more in a short time than any other child he has ever been priveliged to work with

Finally he believes both boys are better off having no father in their life then having a relationship with the father they have !!!!

I need someone to slap me I've just lost the plot

Just got back from being away all day and there was a birthday card here on my mat from my mums sister, who has nothing to do with us but is great friends with x !!!!

Why am I freaking out, because the fact is I have gone to great lengths to not tell anyone my address yet she knows !!!!!!

So he knows and her sending this to my house is a subtle threat.

OMG I sound crazy and irrational

But this has totally freaked me

I rang my Mum and was near hysterical so she is crying I would never hurt my Mum what is wrong with me!!!!!!

My secure feeling in this home is gone ,  please hope I get it back

But the fact is even if she has found out another way, she will 100% tell him

Listen to me I'm raaving mad again

This evening whilst over my parents, my youngest shocked us all by walking up to my parents and saying

"Do you want to see my testicles ?????"

To say we were shocked is an understatement, even Thomas was sat with his jaw dropped open

I called "Daniel! What did you say ???"

So he repeated it !!! Loud and proud !!!!!!!!! Several times !!!!!!!!!!!

Fortunately on the last time it sounded different so I asked him to say it slowly............

Guess what ???????

All the time he had been asking

"Do you want to see my Test Scores "

I still can't stop laughing

xxx

After all my fears of aging another year, i feel absolutely fine and DUH!!!!!!!!! I realised I'm only a day older than yesterday not a year LOL

Woke up to my boys being all excited and happily singing to me Followed by a phone call from my daughter and then my parents

Interesting morning at my DV class, today we deciphered the Head Worker aspect, the man who tries to convince you that you are losing your mind. I learn a valuable lesson today........that whilst every abuse story is different, every situation is different, the way the abuser acts, the words they use, the way their mind works, then they are all abusers cut out of the same stencil. Even some of the names I was called are identical to others stories,  I wasn't the only one who had to take my phone to the toilet with me just in case I missed a call ............ it happened to most of us, and if it didn't, then it would be something similar.

On a brighter note, I went to school and had a birthday present from the other girls at work some lovely chocolates then I met my daughter for lunch, in the end we decided on a pasty in our hand so we could go shopping LOL

This afternoon after collecting the boys from school I had Daniels parents evening, which was fantastic !!!!! His teacher is amazed at how far he has come before I started him on the medication route, he was struggling and bottom of the class, now he has not only caught up he has overtaken most of his classmates. His teacher has also seen a marked difference in his attitude, his anger and definitely his cheerfulness in the last week too. Even she thinks a break was exactly the right thing for him

We then went to my parents and we all decided on a very unhealthy fish and chip supper LOL Who cares, If it tastes good then it ususally is bad for you isn't it. !!!!! My parents also spoilt me with a birthday cake. How cute.

So actually I have had a lovely day, even the DV class though hard and emotional was also really healthy and powerful for me

xxx

So tomorrow I wake up with another digit growing to the ever increasing age I am !!!!!!!!!!

I really hate birthdays.

Tomorrow I will be 44 !!!!!!!!!!!!!! So unfair I should be still 25 !!!!!!!!!! How dare I get all those extra numbers

I wasted 20 years of my life being a person I was never meant to be, I was meant to be happy, fun loving and bubbly not withdrawn, useless and dominated

I know my life starts here, but I have just found out I am a really selfish person I want it all !!!!!!

I want a  young body to go with the new life and the  young mind !!!!!!!!!!

I've been bragging about my Happy Boy

here is the living proof that my little boy has the twinkle back in his eye and all the tension in his face has disappeared

Yep, today we had a great day !!!!!

Last night we stayed up really late and watched the Sport Relief on the TV, Daniel went to bed about 11 but Thomas and I stayed up until 1am, I figured it was a Saturday so we could just lie in, however, I was woken by the phone ringing at 7am, just as I was about to yell down the phone.......I saw it was a long distance call, so all  was forgiven, it was my best mate in Perth, WA. She wanted to catch me before my day kicked in LOL I was like Hey I was asleep !!!!!! She offered to call again but I'm always ready to chat to her, we ended up chatting for an hour, it was brilliant, she is a one in a million who always knows what I am saying without having to explain myself, she came over from Australia 2 years ago just when I needed her most and made it very clear to -x she wanted nothing more to do with him, officially she was here as her dad was dying, but we both believe that the timing was too perfect for coincidence, she was there when I needed her, can you imagine she lives in Australia yet was here when we separated. When she first landed she took one look at me and said to -x "Thats it, leave her alone, don't contact her I'm taking her to my dads for a few days, I was crying all day, self harming and weighed only about 90 pounds, we were still together at the time but in the two weeks she was in the country, i got my head together and whilst I left her to say bye to her dad during the second week she was here, things came to a head here and I left him. When I called her she straightaway came back to my house and spent her last couple of days with me. Four months later she came back again with her whole family and stayed in the country for three months. Again this had been planned for a while with her husband and children but the timing was definitely no coincidence again. I love her to bits, I cannot think of a time in my life since we have been friends as kids when she hasn't been there for me or said the right thing.

Anyway, after the call, I rolled over and went back to sleep for 2 hours, fantastic !!!!! After showering and washing my hair, I drove to the hospital, the boys helped me with my stock and I went into the ward to see the new babies, there were 12 today !!!!! Wow, quite busy,

This afternoon Thomas went to the usual local football match and Daniel, my Mum and I went shopping, i then went back to Mums to wait for the football to finish. We stayed at my parents for a bit as my parents were enjoying seeing the boys as they hadn't seen them all week, my parents and brother are amazed at the transformation in Daniel, we were talking about the fact that he is so much calmer, relaxed and smiley, when I remembered I had forgotten to give him his lunchtime dose of ritalin !!!!!!!!!!!!! I never usually forget as you can tell he is ready for the next dose So, I'm thinking maybe the pressure he was under contributed a lot to messing up his ADHD symptoms. So I'm going to see how it goes tomorrow as well about not giving him his afternoon dose. I won't mess around with his medication when he is at school. But I would be over the moon if we discovered one day he could cope without the ritalin

So today I am very happy, the boys are very happy, life is pretty good YAY

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend

xxxx

Yesterday was my 2 year Anniversary of telling -x I needed a separation !!! of course I never went back

My Story

I was scared, I was suicidal, I wanted it to stop, He would tell me every morning that it was going to get better, then before long he would be off again, stood over me shouting as I was lying screaming on the floor/being sick/sobbing. After yet another fresh start on the 12th March, we had an arguement and he said he was leaving !!!!! I was thrilled. A couple of hours later he returned and asked if I wanted a coffee???????

Later that night he started picking a fight again, I looked at Thomas and saw pure fear on his face, I was unbelievably calm ( a first for me at that time !!!) and I promised Thomas I would do all I could to never again argue and cry in front of him, he hugged and thanked me, -x then accussed me of turning Thomas against him. I refused to comment and went to bed. The next morning was -x birthday (actually since then I have found his birth certificate and it gives his birthday as 30th not 13th !!!!!!! but thats a whole other story!!!) LOL He started picking an arguement, I looked at Thomas and told him it was going to be ok, I was keeping my promise. -x was fuming and yelled what did I want from him ????????? I said I want a break !!!!!

He was stunned but from nowhere I had this bright idea that as he worked away during the week and was only home at weekends, then I would leave the house at weekends and stay with my parents ! It seemed a good idea as I knew I needed to get well and I knew the kids would want to see him. Surprisingly he seemed fine with this and even called my parents and told them we were coming over to see them after taking the boys to school to talk through the plans. My parents thought this was a great idea. However we had one more obstacle to cross, we were re mortgaging the house to pay some debts, I had been told that if we didn't take out the loan he would end up in debtors prison so I agreed to sign. At this point I still thought I just needed a break to get well and we would be back on track again. -x rather kindly asked if my parents would come with us so I felt safer ?????? I thought WOW !!!! This is a great start

After signing the documentation we were walking back to the car and he held my hand and thanked me for signing and promised everything was going to be okay. My parents were amazed at the hand holding. I was confused, scared and VERY uncomfortable !!! We went back to my parents and -x  thanked my parents for coming with us and said if they were happy we would start the separation next weekend????????????? Apparently my dad saw the look on my face and asked me gently if that was what I wanted??????? I bravely said I needed it to start NOW!!!

-x went ballistic, stormed out of my parents and was yelling that he thought the whole situation was FARCICAL !!!!!!

I collected the boys from school, they asked to buy a birthday cake for their dad, which I did, when we got home -x was there and I said I was telling the boys the plan that I was going to leave and see them the next day, he didn't back me up at all, just cried, I told the boys they were upset but understood Mummy needed to get well. I also rang the two oldest who were both away at the time, my son was abrupt, my daughter was very supportive.

The boys asked if I would stay to let -x have his birthday cake, he blew out the candles but refused some cake, I had a slice with the boys. Shortly after I said Goodbye to the boys, they were so lovely and brave, I was seeing them the next day as -x was going back up North, there was a surreal moment as I left the house because -x was sat on the computer telling me he was going to try and book a holiday in France for the summer as a family ???????????

Within a few weeks I had filed for divorce as -x was hounding me, calling all the time, using the kids to hurt me, spreading lies about me and calling all my "friends" to convince them I had had a breakdown and my parents had convinced me to drop him ????????

What a horrible hateful man

His Story

According to rumours his side is this:

"My wife had a breakdown, or a mid life crisis" I love her so much but she is so irrational she can't hear me

She kept staging argeuments in front of the children, so occasionally I would snap and need to get out of the house, as I was scared of doing/saying the wrong thing.

On my birthday, she made me sign to take on a new mortgage to cover all the debts she had run up, as soon as we left the solicitors and I had signed, she announced that she wanted a separation. Later on she got a cake and candles for my birthday then announced over the cake to the boys she was leaving and left me with two heartbroken little boys who thought Mum had left them

I just Love her so much.

Ummmmmmm Can you spot the difference in these two versions??????? Oh by the way, according to him, my parents and the boys are lying to protect me when they back up my version !!!!!!!!!!!

Two years on, I'm broke, have lost most of my "friends" am ignored in the street, thats if I'm lucky otherwise I get told off for being so awful to a lovely man, I have a deep fear of Ambulances (he is an Ambulance man in my town) I am still terrified of him, I have one son that won't talk to me, He left me all the debts from the old house so I am trying to play catch up with the old bills

BUT

I have never been happier, more loved by those who stuck with me and I finally like ME!!!!!!!!

As you know Daniel sent an email to his dad this is a copy and paste of what he sent:

dad i am haveing a breack beacase i have had head akes
from seing you so i am on a breack and sorrey i will
mis your birthdad love daniel i will tell you when i
will next want to se you.This is beacase i have not
had a good time the past few times and im scared of
makeing you cross

Well Daniel just checked his email and he has had his response, so he is currently whooping and jumping around the house, crying literally with tears at how happy he is and shouting "Wahoo ! I am officially on a break !!!"

This is his dads response:

Daniel

Just to confirm I have received your e mail, Dad offcourse is saddened that you are having head ache's.

Daniel please beleive I will always be he for you and Thomas, I will just have to wait until you want to see me.

Love as always

Des x

PS Am I being way too nitt picky here but can anyone else spot a BIG mistake with his dads response ??????????

Your son has just said he wants a break, you already have a daughter and a son who want no contact with you now you're youngest is doing the same and you sign off using your first name ????????????

My children have NEVER called either of us by our first names!!!!!!!!

Ok I appreciate he may be hurting at this email, but I hurt about my oldest and if I contact him I always write him an email then sit on it for 10/15 mins till I'm sure it sounds right and I will always be MUM!!!!! when I speak to any of mine.

Maybe I am bitter but I am sorry, I think signing off without saying "DAD" is a BIG mistake !!!!!

My 14 year old, Thomas,  knows how to shut me up !!!!

Yesterday he told me that if I die and his dad is already dead .................. then he is going to kill himself so his dad can't hurt me in Heaven !!!!!!!!!!!!

How do I react to that ???????? I told him that I believed Heaven to be a good place where no one would be hurt so he didn't have to worry about me. But how gut wrenching is it to hear your child tell you fears like that which they are living with !!!!!!!!

Daniel has sent his email to his dad telling him he wants a break, so that should be interesting Bless him, he said in the email, he needed a break as he was getting headaches, not enjoying his visits with his dad and was scared of making him cross !!!!!! Ironically and pretty much bang on schedule he has a text from his older brother (my long lost son) today asking him to ring him !!!!!!! Daniel has declined at the moment as he doesn't know what his brother is up to !!!!!!! he hasn't spoken to him since Christmas Eve when his dad called his older brother whilst daniel was with him and he hasn't seen his brother since last Easter when Thomas was invited to play football with Chris but Daniel wasn't invited !!!!!

As you know I felt I needed to go back to my D V Workshops to help me sort all the rambling thoughts I still get, last week the session was all about the Man as the Dominator being a bully !!!!1 today was the Man being a bad father !!!!!!!!! Great timing. Let me stress this is not a MAN HATING group but it is an ABUSE HATING group for Woman, they run similar groups for Men which is probably about the woman being the bully and the woman being the bad mother !!!!!!!!!

Although, no offecnce to any men here, one of the reasons I am going back to this group is because I see ALL men as potential abusers rather than the "NICE" men they may will be. I would like to believe there are nice people about, but I need to think everything through differently to get to that stage.

We have had such a lovely calm and restful weekend. (once we got over Friday night anyway LOL)

Still no sign of the promised storms yet, plenty of rain but not the strong winds we were expecting, however..........they are now saying it'll be tonight !!!

Over the weekend I have had the opportunity to have a lovely chat with Daniel, he tells me he is desperate for a break of some kind as he wants the headaches to stop When we got right down to the nitty gritty, I finally clicked why he was adamant that he wanted to see his dad on the 30th March......... there is a big wrestling WWE event on Sky, which his lucky dad can afford !!!!! Now, the thing is I don't think wrestling is particularly good, especially for someone like Daniel who then decides he wants to be a wrestler too and without all the choreographed moves that the "professionals" know, I worry he will hurt someone or hurt himself. So in my house all wrestling is banned !!!!! His dad knows this but Daniel is allowed to watch wrestling with his dad

Turns out Daniel wants to go to his dads on the 30th not because he wants to see his dad but because he wants to see the wrestling. So I suggested he thinks about the following suggestion, that if he doesn't go on the 30th but has a proper break, if he is worried about missing the wrestling I will make sure he sees it somehow, even if I have to buy the DVD when it comes out, he realises he won't see it live, but actually jumped at this without needing time to think about it.

But now I'm stressing I am totally against bribery !!!! Am I bribing him to not see his dad ????????

When I had the idea, my only motivation was that Daniel needed a break, was asking for a break, but was reluctantly going to cancel his break to see the wrestling. i fugured that it would still be his choice only, but I was giving him an option. But now I am sick worrying that this is going to be interpreted as me bribing him to stay home.

Its so complicated and I am so cross that I can't stand by my decisions. I just want to help my son, but am I helping him by doing this or making it worst for him ........Argh I just don't know anymore

All I know is that my son would rather see his favourite show on DVD 6 months down the line than see his dad when he isn't ready. I can't win anyway. 

The rest of the weekend has been quiet. We went into town yesterday and I managed to buy the boys a new DS game on a buy One Get one Free deal !!!! So that was their reward for working hard at school

My reward is that currently I have two happy, relaxed and smiling boys here !!!!!

Daniel has woken up in a much brighter and positve mood, he is adamant that if he hears from his dad he is going to tell him he is taking a break for a couple of weeks. We have been chatting and decided that this is our weekend and we aren't going to talk about -x or the situation he is in, just relax and enjoy the time.

Tonight we are having a KFC supper with my brother and parents, totally unhealthy I know but my parents wanted to treat the boys this evening to a take out of their choice by way of rewarding them for this weeks achievements.

So far we have spent the morning doing general tidying up in their bedrooms !!!!!!!! A task in itself, this afternoon I have to pop to work but then we are going to go into town for a bit, quite a treat LOL

Apparently we have storms coming tomorrow of strong winds, so I'm doing what I can today so we can hide indoors tomorrow, could be intersting if the weather forecasters have got it right !!!!!

xxx

We were looking forward to a calm and stress free weekend

And then the phone rang !!!!!!!!!!!

Daniel had a call from his dad asking if he wants to go around on Sunday evening ????????? it is supposed to be Daniel going over alternate weekends and he was there last weekend

I feel so sorry for Daniel with these calls, he is excited when his dad is on the phone, I told him he could see his dad Sunday evening if he liked but was not to stay over as we agreed no more staying over on a school night, Daniel said to his dad that he actually couldn't be bothered to go over after all. his dad wanted to know why not, Daniel said I just don't want to. Told his dad he loved him and put the phone down.

Next I have him crying and hitting his head in frustration with himself, he kept saying he was stupid and kept doing stupid things. Great, I had just dished up our meal when the phone rang

Daniel is now sitting quietly and sadly, pushing me and his brother away as he is punishing himself for desperately wanting a break but not being able to tell his dad. I know that feeling, I spent years married to a  man I didn't like but somehow one phonecall could hypnotise me back into thinking he was a nice person, then when you are unguarded thats when you get hurt again!!!!

Not sure what to do to help Daniel, after such a good week, yet again as the weekend looms we are back to him being sad and desperately wanting to do the right thing by everyone. Its so unfair

Here I am back again bragging about one of my boys !!!!!

Isn't this great

I much prefer writing cheery and positive blogs !!!!!!!!!!!

Earlier this week I was bragging how Thomas (14 yrs ) had given me a night to be proud when I want for his parents evening. Today it was Daniels turn. I was invited into the school for his assembly and took my parents with me. Its such a lovely village school Daniel goes to, everyone knows me by first name basis and its a happy and well mannered school.

Anyway we were sat in assembly and it was the time for the presentation, I knew Daniel was getting a certificate, hence the reason I was there. But they very proudly announced he was getting his Platinum certificate, he has already got his bronze, silver and gold. His teacher and I are so proud of him, as you know he really struggles at times, has given me huge worries with his schooling, is constantly worried about his temper getting the better of him and spoiling his happiness at school. His ADHD means he has to work extra hard and concentration is a really big deal for him, as you can imagine. so this certificate couldn't have come at a better time for him. he really needed this boost.

What a proud and happy mum I am right now

xxx

Ah there is nothing quite like it !!!!

I was just upstairs and thought I heard crying, so I ran down to find out what had happened to see my two boys definitely crying .......... but crying with laughter, they were watching one of their favourite TV shows " Whose Line is it Anyway " If you have never seen it or heard of it that it is essentially an ad lib game with comedy actors acting out sketches based on suggestions called out from the studio audience!!!!!

So i sat and watched it with them and lo and behold I was soon crying too !!!!

What a beautiful sound it is when everyone at home is laughing, we don't do it enough although we certainly do it a lot more nowadays LOL

other than that, things are doing ok here, all is calm for the moment anyway.

I have my evening sorted....... for a long time people have been asking me if I have ever seen the TV show 24 with Keifer Sutherland and I never have, but I have just been lent the boxed set of the first series so I may be a while .........

xxx

This evening I had to go with Thomas to his school for a special Year 9 Option Evening Parent  Consultation. As this is the school year he picks his options for the subjects he will pursue into the exams.

It was an Open Evening with each of the teachers sat at a desk in the Sports Hall and you queued to see the teachers you needed to.

I decided it made sense to see the  basic subject teachers, English, Math and Science and then go on to see the teachers of the subjects he was interested in taking further, this is History, PE, ICT and Motor Mechanics

I can't believe the things the teachers were telling me, but some of the comments include "asset to my class" "key member of the group" "very mature and bright" "hard worker" "cheerful and polite" the worst comments were "he can be a bit chatty !!!" I am soooooo PROUD !!!!!!!!!!!

I kept teasing him and saying is there two Thomas' in your year ????????

All the Science teacher said in criticism is that sometimes he finds it frustrating that Thomas knows the answers but doesn't want to say and sits back !!!!!! He told Thomas to grab hold of his future with both hands and go for it.

We then saw the Year Head who helped me when Thomas was struggling at school with everything going so wrong at home for him, I thanked him for the support and he said it was down to Thomas finding his self confidence and self esteem........funny he found both as soon as he stopped seeing his dad !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so bursting with pride, I can't believe this is the same young man who last year would be in tears with headaches and reject any compliments because he believed himself to be so useless

xxx

Wishing you a very Happy Mothers Day tomorrow (2nd)

I will be thinking of all FOUR of my children and how grateful and blessed I am to have them all !!!

I remember waking up this day and feeling desperately sad

this was my last day and I was going to have to say goodbye

We woke up again in the Summer House, the boys (that includes my two brothers !!!) jumped back into the Hot Tub, whilst my SIL and I opted to enjoy a coffee and let E have a sleep before we started packing everything up and cleaning up the cabin, you leave the cabin as you would hope to find it and as it was pretty immaculate when we arrived, we made sure we left it the same way.

Final picture of Thomas and Daniel outside our lovely Summer House

Thomas was delighted when the caretaker turned up in his car, we called it thomas' car, as his family pet name from us all is TJ

Soon we were on our way back to my brother and SIL home. Once again my SIL father drove out to pick us all up and he was so keen to show us the sights we went home on the scenic route, we stopped at a place called Pingvellir which is a National Park in Iceland. Here is a link for those who would enjoy reading the facts about it  from Wikapaedia en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%9Eingvellir 

These are my two favourite pics from the ones we took from the lookout point, overlooking the one time Parliament Buildings

These next three pictures are the countryside we drove through on the way back home to my brothers and SIL's

When we got back, the last thing we did on this holiday was the sledging and you have probably seen the You Tube clips of that LOL

It was them time, to re pack, check tickets, passports etc and say our Goodbyes, we had an early flight so had to say Bye to J and E that evening, Sylvie got up early the next morning to say Bye and Simon dropped us at the airport !! More Byes !!!!

Well thats it !!!

I hope you enjoyed seeing the pics as much as I have enjoyed sharing them with you.

Here is a link to the Geyser information, as if you are interested they can explain the workings of a Geyser far better than I ever could iceland.geyser

Here is the link to the You Tube clip I have just put up that my brother took, you also hear Thomas asking if he managed to get it ???? LOL

www.youtube.com/watch

Poor Daniel must have known I would have been worried about him as he walked into his Nans house with a big smile saying "I'm back, and I'm happy !!!"

He has been lovely and cuddly, and I have had loads of hugs and kisses, not that I'm complaining at all. Currently both boys are playing on the PS2. Daniel got his new game !!!!!!!! he also says dad was really nice !!!!! He must have had a good day LOL

Anyway Daniel said he was too scared to tell his dad but he definitely wants a couple of weeks break from seeing him, he seems to think he will be testing if his dad really loves him in this time, by whether he puts up some kind of a fight for him, after all Daniel has been hurt that after Thomas told his dad he was taking a break, Daniel has apparently never been asked how Thomas is doing. However, ironically, tonight when he dropped Daniel off, my Mum told me he was still outside and asked Daniel why, Daniel then remembered he was supposed to be asking Thomas if he wanted to pop out and say Hello!!!! Thomas wasn't there though, he was at the local football that he goes to most Saturdays with his Uncle Marc, my brother. So Daniel told him Thomas wasn't there and he left.

When Thomas did get home I told him and he said he wouldn't have gone to see him, just walked past him and gone in the house !!!!! Red rag to a bull that would have been

All that matters to me is that Daniel is back home with me