What did I do?................. Nothing.........Why didn't I see her pain? Why didn't I see that she didn't cry?.......That she supported everyone else.... I've just read cookclans advice and I'm beside myself.

How could I be so ignorant? Mel had been looking forward to a little bubby girl for so long. everything was perfect. She had the most traumatic experience that it's not my place to even speak of it. I don't have a patch on her. some people have read the beginning of my story but it's NOTHING compared to what she went through.

She lost her beautiful little girl...........and noone was there for her. I wasn't there for her. Cookclan went through something similar and knows her pain........like only someone who's lost a child can know. She tells us what she would have liked people to do for her...... I did none of those things.

I am ashamed to call myself her sister. She is one of the most precious people in the world to me and I let her down. When I had Nicholaus I drew strength from her and completely forgot what she'd gone through. I thought what happened to me was what had happened to her.......... I thought I could have been allergic to penicillin too and that's why I nearly died too............I let her support me completely forgetting how close it was to Sarah's birthday.

I have NOTHING to complain about. She lost her beautiful, most treasured little girl...... I'm still here and I've got a beautiful healthy little boy..............I can't believe I've been so neglectful of my beautiful sister.

OMG Poor Mel..... She is the most beautiful person you could meet. I really mean that. She does anything for anyone.............She won an annual Good Neighbour award because of her services to her community. She's helped so many women in trouble or needing a hand. Cooking meals for them......buying groceries.....looking after their children........buying presents her friends couldn't afford........She has taken on so many people and now she's becoming a counselor............She is the most amazing person I know.

How could I not see? She's been in so much pain.....

Why didn't I do anything?

(Please don't judge me too harshly.........I feel like an absolute wreck now........)

It's Sarah's anniversary coming up. I'm going to be there for her this year............Too little too late.