So, Alyssa was being a little gremlin on Wednesday night.  I finally settled her at 11.30pm and then got myself to bed by 12(yes, midnight) then had every good intention on get out of bed at 5.30am.  I set my alarm as usual and, as usual, I woke before the alarm. 5.12am to be precise.  It was so warm and cosy in my bed.  The alarm went off at 5.30.  I hit snooze, again at 5.35, 5.40, 5.45 when I decided to turn it off and enjoy the cuddles for a couple more minutes.  "Oh crap!"  I woke with a fright, checked the time to find it was 6.10.  My friend was due at 6am.  I lept out of bed, looked outside.  She wasn't there.  So I sms'd her "hello?", and continued to get dressed.  My phone rang.  "I was just there" she said.  "what?" I replied She asked me if I had been awake.  "Yeah" I said smuggly.  So she returned promptly.  I told her the story of Alyssa keeping me up and my late bedtime.  She didn't feel so silly, I did.  Anyway, we went for our walk.

I have been finding myself with this irristable urge to climb out of bed at 5:30 in the morning to nick off for an hour long power walk or bike ride. What the hell for? Yeah, I'm slightly overweight, yeah, I need to maintain cardiovascular fitness, but when I feel my body wobbling as I make my way around my self made circuit, my thoughts are diverted to the idea that I could really become the slender young thing I once was. And I laugh at myself. In my younger, more slender days, I often wished for less of a body, even back then. What more could I think. I had such a caring mother, who often reminded me of how I was built so differently to my very tall and slender brother and sister. I have since discovered that I didn't have calves like tree trunks, nor was I short, stocky or fat. I have an athletic build and alot of muscle mass, so my masseur tells me. So, now as I beat myself for realising 20 kilos later that I was normal, I move beyond the struggle of personal sabotage to which I was submitted.  What the hell for?  Who the hell for......ME! .

It happens that way, doesn't it.  One day you wake up and say "Holy hell, I'm fat!"  Well, that happened to me, but it was the day I chose not to accept it anymore.

Every Tuesday and Thursday, I wake at 5.30am, brush my teeth, sneak into the loungeroom where my trackies are ready.   till my friend arrives and off we go.  Get home have a shower, feed the kids, then have my morning shake.  I have managed to lose 10kilos over the last couple of months.  I am so proud of myself.  So, everyweek, 3 times a week we are off for an hour's worth of excersise.  We walk once and ride twice.  I also play squash, but buggered my elbow on a chair of all things.  I haven't be able to play for several weeks.  another 20 kilos to go. 

I've always been an athletic person.  My weight began to pile on about a year before falling pregnant with number one.  It continued from there.  My aim is to lose the remaining flab by October......this year :)