Well, I made it through my first councelling appointment!  It was really good and very instightful.

Chloe is now three months old and although she is not an angel, she is about a million time better than she was this time last month.  Needless to say two months of crying and not so much sleep, not to mention the mountain of pressure that comes with having a baby that doesn't really like being here finally took it's toll.  I gave in and made a doctors appointment a few weeks ago after having to throw some furniture around to vent my frustration.

Anyway, after an appointment with the health visitor she has recommended me to the Post Natal Depression Project here in Edinburgh.  After a rocky start (I went to the wrong building), I met a really nice lady.  We had a chat and I figured out that I am too much of a perfectionist and that most of the pressure I feel is coming from me.  My mum always gives the impression that she can do everything better than me and offers quite a lot of "gentle tips".  I try to take them on the chin and just ignore her, but I can't help but think that they are little digs that she doesn't think I am doing it right.  Anyway, the councellor made me readlise that I don't need to be perfect I just need to love Chloe and do my best.  That is good enough for Chloe and exactly what she needs.

After coming out of the session, I had a long hard think about myself, my abilities as a parent and about how Chloe is getting on.  When I actually thought about it with an open mind I was really proud of myself and Chloe.  After a few teething problems, I have a beautiful daughter who is happy, sleeps well, eats well and who I love to bits.

At each hurdle, I have been able to work out a plan of action to figure it out.  Maybe not right away, but eventually.