While my world is asleep all tucked up in her bed dreaming of a fairy with hair of red, with silver wings and that often sings. she will scare the monsters away and help my Isabel threw another day, her hopes and dreams will grow threw play, with a mother that loves her that will often say, My Isabel, my world I love you my girl, be true to yourself and to all that you meet and you will always land on your feet. So sleep tight my girl and dream of the fairy with hair of red and please would you spend a full night in your bed.

I was going to be a single mum, i been to all the classes and was the only one there with my mother and not a partner and had to listen to all the what ifs that can happin threw laber but it never realy sank in till my due date passed and i was spending christmas 1 week overdue with my baby. i was admitted into hospital at 3pm the 28th december, my mother and sister with me for support as i was induced. finaly i went into laber at 8am after a bad night of sleep. takin down to the laber ward where they broke my water I then spent many hours trying not to push as i was only 2cm diolated. the gas dident work other then the feeling ove being sufficated cause of the mask so i was given the Pethodine, it worked for a time but as they can only give 2 doses and the 2nd one had warn off i was in alot of pain and still only 2cm diolated. after 4hours of trying not to push the midwife tells me nobody will think less of me if i have a epidural. i agree and after 3 tries to get the needle into my spine i have it. 2 hrs later and the Epidural hadent takin affect im told sometimes it can take 3 doses before u feel any affects. By 2am and after 4 doses of epidurals all of witch dident take affect, my leg muscles craping as i wasent alowed to walk. My mouther takes a brake going out for a smoke next thing i know everyone leves the room and im in crying and screaming for help. my mouther hears my crys from the hallway and tries to find out what happend to the midwife who turns out was told by her boss to have a sleep, get some reast. At this time i was 6cm diolated. the midwife taking over for the previous one cheacks me out tells me i need another dose of epidural. finaly after some screeming she finds a docter to get her advice. she forces me to diolate to 10cm and proseads to tell me to start pushing. for 30minits i push as the midwife talks on the phone to the head doctor of the hospital, only to get off and order me to stop pushing they where going to do a cesor. asking the anithitist about the epidural not taking affect he tells me the doses i had been haveing are 1/10th the strength of the one he will use for the op, wheeling me down he test out to see if im numb, "can u feel that" he ask to witch i replay "what the ice" with that i had to go under a general. the last thing i remeber before going under was how nice the blood presure machines felt on my legs as i drifted off saying "thats nice" .... waking up in a big empty white room with a nurce beside me, i ask her "what i have" she tells me "i baby girl with big dimples" wheeling me up to the room i see mum standing with my baby girl. "i had a girl" i say to mum she replys with exsitment "and she has dimples. the rest of the day was a blur due to morfean . the following day the doctors arive to tell me how things went, thinking it was all good since i have my baby they tell me she was still born and had to resusitate her. it took them 5minits but got her breathing again, also as alot of people that have cesors are told they have a % of chance given to them about haveing a natural birth the next time around i infact had no chace of haveing a natural birth. shoked over there news i confrunt my mother later on and she tells me she dident want to upset me as i hold my Isabel closer. 3 years down the road my scaring from the opp has turned into a keloid scar and i still have lower back problems now and then cause of the needle. its just me and Isabel and i couldent ask for a better child. she still has her dimples and a little birthmark on her lower back that looks like a bat. and in the end i wouldent have it any other way good and bad, she is the best result from a mistake i have ever had and is my world.
In the end this is my story and in telling it i hope anybody that is preganate realise, it dosent matter if the delivery has a spa or not. it dosent matter if you get your own room after. its funny the things we worrie about going into laber when all that is important is that you and your child make it out safe. my story isent uncomon, i know a few people that have a simoler experiance. the choice to have natural or cesor while isent there for me i would never risk it again if i had the choice. I love my 3 year old girl with the big dimples and thank god everyday for giving me her.