Why We Love Children...

1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead

'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.

'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child

innocently.

'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'

'What?'

'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'

'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'

Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'

'WHAT?'

'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'

'I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'

Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'

'WHAT!'

'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,

finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'

The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in

and out and keep slamming the door until St Peter says, 'For Heaven's

sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was

tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he

asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me

tonight?'

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.

'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:

'The big sissy.'

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the

children's sermon.

All the children were invited to come forward.

One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat

down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress.

Is it your Easter Dress?'

The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on

microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.'

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year

old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the

shower.

She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'

I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.'

'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'

7. A little boy was doing his maths homework.

He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.

Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....'

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'

The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my maths homework, Mum.'

'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked

'Yes,' he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you

teaching my son in maths?'

The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'

The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that

son of a bitch is four?'

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them

was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken

Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken

Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, '.... and so Chicken Little

went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is

falling!'

The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that

farmer said?'

One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:

'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!''

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr.

Sugarbrown's daughter.'

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane

Sugarbrown.'

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr.

Sugarbrown's daughter?'

She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'

10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play

with the boys?'

Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.'

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,

'If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'=0D

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.

She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,

eating a snack cake The barber says to her,

'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.'

She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'

 

Ben, my 9 year old, received a letter today informing him that he has won a 'Jasco Texta Colour Fun Activity Roll. I have no idea what that is, lol, but he'll thrilled just at the fact that he won something! He won it for sending in a joke to Disney Adventures Magazine (submitted online), which will publish his joke in the July issue. The prize will be sent within the next 28 days. Ben will be stoked! Can't wait til end of school to tell him!

I had my night out last night to celebrate my 40th & I had a blast! We had a nice dinner wtih drinks before heading up to the cocktail lounge. I had the Fluffy Duck I'd been waiting for, lol, yum yum. The nightclub (Fever) opened at 8 & it was awesome. Fever is for over 30's though under 30's can sometimes get in, it depends how far under the 30 mark they are & whether or not they are with a group. Anyway, we danced all night to a band & DJ. I drank southerns all night & I tell ya, either it is not as strong as it used to be or I'm becoming immune to the effects of the stuff, lol. I was merry, but not drunk. I feel great this morning, always do after a night out drinking. I don't get hangovers which is great.

I got to meet a friend I made in myspace, too. She lives in Woollongong so isn't far from me. She's a total crack-up - it was so good to meet her at last! Funny thing, too, another friend with me met up with her cousin & brought him over to our table - he had a friend with him & when he saw my myspace friend they were both stunned as they met on tagged & hadn't met face-to-face before!

Anyway, it really was an enjoyable night. Anyone in or near the Campbelltown (NSW) area who is over 30 & wants somewhere to go for a night out, I highly recommend Fever Nightclub at the Campbelltown RSL Club.

Have a great day all!

I had a lovely time today with my brother, sister-in-law, & my 2 beautiful nieces. Brodie is 4 & a real little character & Cailtin is 3 months & simply gorgeous. We went to the RSL for our lunch. My brother & sis-in-law surprised me by ordering me some oysters, yum! Following those I had a seafood basket, yum again! Nice food washed down with a couple of southern comforts - what more could I ask for? lol

For my birthday present they gave me a lovely watch & bracelet set, gold & diamond-like. They're so pretty!

The kids had the day off school due to a strike so they enjoyed the lunch, too. The RSL has a playroom so Ben & Lauren took Brodie in & they had a ball. I think, though, if school had have been on, I would have given them the day off anyway so they could see their favourite uncle, aunty, & cousins. We don't see them very often.

Overall, it has been a fantastic day!

A huge thanks to all of you who left the lovely birthday comments. I certainly will enjoy my night out. If I'm gonna turn 40, I'm gonna damn well enjoy it! lmao! Best part is, I don't get hangovers - never! I can drink as much as I like, of whatever I like, & do not get hungover (my dad is the same). So Friday night, bring on the cocktails & southerns! Yippee! lmao! I will have a drink for each of you, hehe!

Tomorrow is lunch with my brother, who is coming down with his wife & my gorgeous nieces. They only live a couple of hours away & he has tomorrow off work. The schools are on strike so the kids can come, too. Can't wait!

Anyway, thanks again everyone. Big hugs to you all, you've really put a smile on my face. xx

Well, I can no longer say that I am in my 30's **sob** lol. I've now hit the 40 mark. Little brother rang, said I 'sound' older ... bloody little smartarse, lol. I reminded him that he's not that far behind me! Only 4 years to go for him! I do have to wonder why people ask how you are feeling on your birthday, like they ask if you feel older... geez, it's not like a person changes that much in one day! I was asked if I feel older - what's the difference between today & yesterday? How does one feel older just because one more day has passed? People are strange, lol.

After reading in Lauren's classroom this morning I went to the mall & spent the money my dad sent me (he always sends me $50 for my birthday). I bought myself a new top to wear on my night out. It's a nice aqua colour & was reduced from $50 to $35.

I bought a chocolate mud cake & Jess decorated it with chocolate freckles, put candles on it (only 4, thank goodness, lol) & the kids sang happy birthday. They've also been giving me nice hair brushes (love having my hair done).

Well, there it is - my first entry as a 40 year old, lol. Have a great night all, & thanks for all the birthday wishes I've received. Muah!

What a week this will be! Starting off today, had to take Jess back to doctor as her cough has gotten bad again. She's ok though, she has a virus. Then this arvo it's off to the school early to help hand out fruit.

Tomorrow I hit the big 4 - 0 (god help me, lol). I help at the school again, too (reading this time)

Wednesday Lauren's class has an assembly item so will watch that

Thursday my brother & his wife are coming down to take me to lunch. They live about 2 hours drive away & he has Thursday off work. I can't wait to see them, especially my gorgeous nieces (Brodie is 4 & Caitlin 3 months).

Friday night I'm going out with some friends to celebrate my milestone, lol. Dinner, cocktails, new nightclub for over 30's, should be a good night!

Amid all this I need to do more work for my course. Me poor wittle brain will explode! By the end of the week I'll be feeling old, lol. Oh, well, I'll enjoy it all!

 

I received a lovely gift (ie a minti gift) today but I cannot say thanks to the minti member who sent it as I can't reply to my minti mail (I can't use it at all!) so I hope the sender reads this: thank you so much for the gift & the reason for the gift, that really means a lot to me, xx

Dave the hen

Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking
drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was
already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke, he
found a strange man standing at the end of his bed. 'Who the hell are
you?', demanded Dave, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom ?'

The mysterious man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter.'

Dave was stunned. 'You mean I'm dead !!! That can't be, I have so much
to live for - and I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . You've got
to send me back straight away.'

St Peter replied, 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.
We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'

Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his
house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking
around, pecking the ground.

'This ain't so bad', he thought until he felt this strange feeling
welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said,
'So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here ?'

'It's not so bad', replies Dave, 'but I have this strange feeling
inside like I'm about to explode.'

'You're ovulating', explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before.'

'Never', replies Dave.

'Well just relax and let it happen'.

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him
and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood
for the first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming
and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that
ever happened to him . . . Ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting...

'Dave, wake up, you drunken bastard. You've shit the bed !!'

I went to the movies with a friend today & watched 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'. It is so funny! We cracked up all the way through it! It's well worth seeing - I can't wait til it's on DVD so can watch it again!

I dobbed my son in at school this afternoon. Yep, that's right, dobbed him into his teacher! Lauren came out first when school ended & told me that Ben had been teasing her this morning, daring her to go into the boys toilets & calling her chicken when she refused. I thought, right, this was at school, I'll teach  him - I told his teacher & now he will serve detention tomorrow. His teacher will talk to him more about teasing. She said they had just been to Peer Support where they spoke about bullying, in particular teasing. If it had been another child Ben had teased, Ben would get in trouble at school, so why shouldn't he get in trouble for teasing his sister? I told Lauren in future, tell a teacher. I won't tolerate my kids teasing anyone, let alone each other!

Hope your day has been good to you! Keep well. xx