I am a proud father of a now 4 yr old boy, and I fellt like I should share with you guys some wisdom that I have gathered in my, however short, 28 yrs of life. I grew up in a single parent home, with my father visiting on wednesdays and sundays when I was younger, and about once every month or so when I got older. My mother was not mean, but she wasn't really nice either. She was kinda cold, and was not a fan of hugs, or saying "I love you", and, in fact, I can hardly remember a single time that she said it to me without me saying it to her first. Her mother was very similar to her in those respects, which is probably where she got it from. My father was pretty much the same as my mother, the only difference being that he didn't live with me. He would come over to our house, and just and watch TV. I guess he convinced himself that this made him a responsible and caring parent. My father can be very critical at times, which lead to a rift between me and him for a very long time which is just beginning to mend. The big factor behind how my parents treated me was the fact that I was a mistake-baby. They broke up 2 weeks before my mom found out she was pregnant, and I think that they both resented me for forcing them to not only take on enormous responsibility that they weren't ready for, but also for keeping them both in each others lives. On top of that I think that my mother REALLY wanted a girl, and was crushed with disappointment when she found out she had had a boy. Some of my most vivid memories of when I was a child were when we had one of my female cousins over, and I had to sit their and watch my mothe lavish them with affection that I knew I would never get. We spent a great deal of time at her sisters house so that she could get her make-believe daughter fix, and the when we got home she would go into her room and I would go into mine, and that would be it. On top of this glaring and painful gender bias, my father got remarried and had a baby girl with his new wife. Watching him spend the quality time with her that I had missed out on was excruciating, but I was raised in a very stiff upper-lip family, and was taught not to "whine" aout things like this. The point behind this story is not to garner sympathy, but to impress upon you how important it is that you are aware of the messages that you send to your children through your treatement of them and their siblings. I grew up feeling unwanted, and I am going to make sure that my son NEVER feels the way that I felt. I make sure that I tell him on a regular basis that I love him, and that even if my whole life went to sh@t tomorrow I would still be happy because I'd have him and that hes all I will ever need. I kiss him, hug him, cuddle with him, and listen to him because I want him to know how important he is to me, and how much I love him. My uncle told me one time "if you keep saying 'I love you' to him hes gonna turn into a queer" at which point I pulled him aside and politely told him that he can either keep his opinions to himself, or he will not be welcomed back into my house. He was real quiet after that :) and I hope that if any of you take away anything from this post, its that you children need to be told, and shown, how important they are to you on a daily (or hourly) basis, no matter what the narrow-minded nay-sayers may think.