well today i had a check up with my mid wife maryanne, who said bubs heart beat is nice and strong and he's dropped a lot heads nice and engaged. my recent samples for pre-eclampsia came back with reduced amounts of proteins etc and my blood pressure was really good so we're having a good week minus the constapation, back pain and lack of sleep. yesterday i had my show/ mucus plug coming out thingy ( real techniqual) and so my midwife said it could still be weeks and we'll make the c-section date or it could be anyday now which is a real possiblity due to the polyhydromnus ( excess amniotic fluid + big bubs) so we'll just have to wait and see. today maryann didn't seem to have a real problem about my choice to bottle feed we just discussed my reasons and she's promised not to mention it again and believes no-one in the hospital will have a problem as it's my choice ( like i didn't already know that)

so all in all looking good and now just waiting for natural labour to go ahead or the c-section due date either way a bubs with in the next 2 and a bit weeks yay!!! FINALLY...

 Well we are now 36 weeks and i'm just completely worn out.  i'm in that much physical pain i can't sleep at night yet the pain relief my doctor has put me on causes drowsiness so i'm now suffering from extreme fatigue and exhaustion. the pain relief is dulling the pain somewhat but on really bad days it's like poping m'n'm's nothing happens except i get more tired. this is driving me nuts as the whole house is suffering from the half crazed pregnant person as i'm cranky emotional and generally not nice even when i'm trying. the worst is that i'm trying to get ahead with my uni studies before i take some leave and i just can't think clearly to make sence of it all.

i only have 20 more days til the c-section and i can't wait i want to go into labour now and just speed things up...

 well this is a charli weekend, and we are less then 24 hours into it an i have already had a cry. now i don't always get along with charli and my tolerance of her isn't always the best but i love her as much as my boys ( for those of you who don't know charli is my step daughter who i've known since birth but have been her step mum since she was nearly 20 months) well as some of you know charli's bio mum( known as bm from here on) had her baby back in june which is something i have been concerned about ( due to preivious dramas) well this weekend we found out abit about whats happeneing.

it turns out that ramsey ( the little bub) hasn't left hospital as he has been born completely deft ( can't hear ) and cannot breath properly unassisted. so we asked charli does she and her bm go visit every day and she said no her bm lives at the hospital, so we assumed she then would live with her bm's boyfriends ( ramsey's dad) no he's away at work  so i asked are you staying with grandma ( bm's mum) no i now live with ninny ( my responce WHAT? who is ninny????) it turns out it's the bm's boyfriends mother who we thought lived in melbourne. so justin asked when do you see ramsey and your mum charli said every other day or so for about an hour  ( here in entres the crying)   she sounded so sad that she's been forgotten as all of her extra curiculum activities like ballet and karate have stoped and she has to go to osch. she sounded like she juat wants a hug from her bm and it's not happening so no wonder we've been getting her in the state she's been in with raggidy clothes or our clothes we send her home in , hair a mess nails overgrown etc as no one seems to be there simply to meet her needs.

now i have always secretly and at times not so secretly hoped that bm would just hand charli over to us but i never wanted it to be because of such a drastic measure as this, i'm hoping still we do get charli but i hope her bm can step up and maintain a bond with her even with the problematic other bubs. i'm hoping things inprove soon so charli doesn't get completely forgotten. even though i hate bm charli needs her none the less and hopefully bm can get a grip on that soon.

well yesterday we had yet another visit to the hospital, but this time it was to book the c-section so not so bad i did have to give samples again but getting use to it now and we got to hear bubs heart beat which i do love.

the c-section is booked for tuesday the 19th of august  so only 3 weeks and 3 days away. i am very excited to meet bubs but scared of the surgery as i remember all to well how i felt afetr my preivious 2 the only difference this time is that they are also fixing my tubes so no more bubs after this. now i just need to get around to packing that darn hospital bag and picking up the last few items for bubs nothing major just general things nappies, formula etc all the major stuff has been purchased long ago.

so very excited  and some what relieved that we have a finish line in sight so just need to stay positive for 3 more weeks and we'll get there fine. i hope

hi all,

well we are now 35 weeks as of today and frankly i'm completely sick of being pregnant and just wont bubs out now, today, this very second! the last 2 weeks have been stressful enough as it has been school holidays with all my beautiful little darlings home week one is fine their happy to relax and be at home the second week they were nuts and the fact that i became very ill didn't help at all.

now i bet your wondering what more could go wrong this pregnancy as it's not been pleasant at all ( the only comfort is knowing fu is okay and a strong little tacker) well for a few weeks now i've just been feeling off , vomiting, headaches, a tender spot above my uterus and just not a happy camper well last thursday i had a check up with the dr. who was due to book my c-section and check bubs tell me the risk we were at with having polyhydromnus ( extra amniotic fluid) and then we would be on our way. um no as it turned out i had high blood pressure and was rushed off to have bloods and urine samples taken and told to be back at the hospital first thing the next morning. as it turns out my feeling off for a few weeks and high blood pressure along with the results from my samples show i have mild on set of pre-eclampsia and now need close monitoring every few days yay me!!! so here i was thinking it's the home stretch not long we can make it no dramas and now i have to hop off to the hospital every few days to have monitoring which involves sitting around for a few hours while they take my blood pressure at regular intervals and take samples to test and they pop bub on a cg machine to make sure he's still a happy camper. oh did i mention i'm not allowed to drive anymore until bubs is out so these days i have to go to the hospital justin has to have off work to drive me that or public transport.

well with all this back and forth over the last week and still not feeling any better i finally got around to asking my midwife what i need to take for the hospital stay for both bubs and me this was fine until i told her my intentions to bottle feed from the get go due to my negative past experiences of trying to breast feed after a c-section and my midwife who has been lovely up to this point turned on me and started lecturing me about how it's the hospitals perfered method of feeding and why do i feel the need to artificaly feed my baby etc etc well this got me peed off as i felt it was my choice as to how my baby was going to be fed not hers and the conversation didn't progress to well after that so more stress.

i've had enough of being "adviced" to do things a certain way yet told at the same time i'm free to choose what i would like to do and then when i do chose i'm treated differently and not so nicely as i didn't do what both my midwife and doctors want ( mind you they both usually have the opposite advice so neither is usually happy anyway) but i'm sick of this whole deal at the moment i just wont bubs out saftly and healthy and so my family and i can then be left alone this has not been a pleasant pregnancy at all health wise or from the care i've recieved i'm so glad this is my last bubs as i couldn't do this again even if i wanted to.

i hope all you other lovely preggy ladies and their families are doing nicely with out drama

 howdy' all,

well we are now 33weeks pregnant today and have 5 weeks til the c-section, getting nervious is an understatement also very very excited. bubs is moving less due to lack of room but seems to be growing well as my tummy is HUGE! as for myself health wise i should be put out to paster or shot either one. i'm having regular bouts of intense and very painful braxton hicks sessions with the longest lasting a few hours. still having issues with morning/all day sickness and eating i'm down to being able to have about half a piece of toast per meal before i feel 1 of 3 things, quezey, heartburn, or simply full sometimes all 3 (yay me) i'm also feeling simply run down at present and in desperate need of a good nap ( if only i could sleep). along with waiting for bubs to come along i am aslo waiting to find out about my uni enrolement so my mind is in 2 modes at presents baby prep and anxious about my uni position. as i'm planning on doing a bachelor of behavioural sciences ( pyshcology) part time and the first year or 2 as corespondence and then when bubs bigger finishing it off at uni still part time. this is something i've wanted to do for a long time and had put off doing it to having little people but now i've found i can do the degree i want from home i'm going for it so very excited about that at present too. also slowly freezing to dealth my internal heating system isn't working to well in this cold weather.my brain has baby mush in it and can't think straight been a bit emotional of late as well this is explained further down the blog.

justin is doing very well at work at present he's been given more responsibilities amoungst his work group with admin work so kind of like a mini promotion or a step closer to where he wants to get. also he's started a study program through his work place that will give him certificates in business management which will help him get further in the company to. so he's studying and working at present too. also with his karate he's been asked to help teach on a thursday night  which gave him a huge ego boost recently i'm so proud to see him so happy at work and in his personal stuff to.

quin is loving the holidays and has declared it should be holidays always. unfortunately with his challenging behaviours at present i couldn't handle having him home all the time at present. his attitude has just been horrible still arguing with us causing tension between his siblings and generally not listening to instructions or following them. hoping this will settle with his secong term at school and the old quin will return the one who used to be helpful and caring. i'm so over taking away privileges or having talking toos with him .we have rewards in place daily and weekly ones but they don't seem to be being reached at present .

jai well he's been interesting  at present as when it's just him at home he's quiet and compliant and easy to manage actually quite a pleasure to be around but now that him and quin are sharing a room and the big kids are home for holidays he's nasty, demanding and throws a tantrum at the drop of a hat it's driving me nuts. he's not getting much sleep at present as quinny is a night owl so keeps jai awake at night but then charli is an early bird sos wakes him up early so the poor little man isn't coping all to well and has actually been napping during the day for the first time in about 2 years i believe this is where the behaviour is coming from hopefully it will settle down soon as the house will be pleanty sleep deprived in a few weeks thanks.

now as for my beautiful little girl charli well lets say it's been a learning curve.now normally holidays with charli have me pulling my hair out do to her contempt and rude behaviour towards me and my rules. but this holidays well have been sadly different not to say i liked to old but i knew how to cope with the old now we are facing issues. as some of you might know charli's bio mum has had her baby about a month or so ago ( i know your think well that will explain the behaviour please think again) anywho justin and i have been dreading this matter since we found out the ex had been expecting as her care for charli and her general parenting abilities have on a number of occasions been questioned ( for those who don't know we have suspected the bio mum of neglect and abuse and been to court a number of times about this only to be told not enough evidence to support suspections)  our reasons for the dread are as the biomum (bm from now on) is the type of person to get rid of things that fail or make her look bad and now that she has the fiance ,the new house and the new bubs we were concerned for how charli would be treated by her bm and the bms partner. we wanted this to be a good experience so when we have fu in a few weeks she would be okay with it . what we know of so far is that charli has been left with her grandmother constantly ( the bms mum) isn't doing any of her extra curiculum activities anymore like ballet and karate and has been told to stay out the way. well from what we've seen of charli is she's been cutting her own hair as she said her bm ignored her so she did it. she's back to pulling out her eye lashes and pulling on her face so much so she's been clawing her self from it and also the finger sucking is back. she also told justin and i that she was in her room at the other house ( her bms house) and said " no one cares about me" apparently the boyfriend heard this and said " what the hell did you say" so charli replyed " nothing i forgot" i'm worried as this is how she was when she came to live with us( sadly had to go back to bm due to lack of evidence but thats a whole other blog) when she was 3-4 years old she became very quiet and sullen but also displayed signs of self harm or picking which left sores also back then she regreased with toileting and had sleep issues and became excessively clingy to justin and i, also she would hurt or be abusive towards other little people namely her brothers ie calling names or saying hurtful things to them or damaging their toys usually their most prised toys, physiaclly hurting them. this time we have the self picking and sleep issues but instead of clinging she has become withdrawn and wont talk about her feelings.also we picked her up last saturday night in a size 5 ( she wears size 8-9)sun dress and sandles it was freezing and we asked why she was wearing that and she said her mum told her to put some day clothes on before her dad got there, we asked why she didn't pick warmer clothes and she said because she wanted to be pretty for us and her mum didn't care what she wore. once home we got her in her pj's the dress was that tight it had dug into her belly and left it red and sore as with the way to small shoes and the knickers she was wearing were slightly soiled and looked like she had been in them for a few days. we have also had to get her hair cut again due to a big dreadlock knot in it again and do her fingers and toe nails yet again. i never thought i could dislike/ hate someone so much but charli's bm gets to me in a really bad way and i hate it. it breaks my heart that everytime charli is mad with her bm i cop the negitive or angry behaviour as she takes her frustrations out on me but also i feel i'm the only one to see that due to the inactions or lack of attention from her bm charli is a very unstable little girl with lots of ups and downs. i don't know what to do about helping her and i'm scared that being she's only 6 very nearly 7 that if things keep going off the rails she might get worse personality traits as time goes on. feeling a bit lost and heart broken yet again due to dramas with charli girl.

hoping things get better and that this very emotional and stressful period passes and that things can settle before fu gets here, at least i can say that life is not boring.

hoping this finds you all well. p.s sorry for the length of blog had a few things to say

well we are 32 weeks as of yesterday and we have had yet another ultrasound as things aren't running to smoothly.

since monday night i have been throwing up practically everything including water so have been put back on maxolin (which i don't think is working all to good) come wednesday i managed 1/2 a piece of toast which was good as it was the day of my scan ( i now have had a scan at 7wks, 12wks,20wks,23wks and 32wks) i managed to keep my water down which was nice (but i did feel very quezey) anywho went to the scan justin got to come to as he had been home while i was sick ( god bless him)  we where going to see how big bubs was, the amount of aminiotic fluid and for any other abnormalities or concerns. 

well we have found out the bubs dates could potentionally be out by two weeks as bubs is looking two weeks more developed then he should ( also had it confirm once and for all it is a boy and there is only one) be as he was huge but also that we have more aminotic fluid then we should. at my last midwife visit we had discussed what it would mean if we had a big bub or what it could mean if we had extra fluid but we did not cover what happens if we have both a LARGE bub and extra fluid so i'm now of to speak with a specialist about the situation as it looks like bubs due date may have to be brought forward and that means to that the c-section date will have to be brought forward to. so instead of 6 weeks to go we could have onle 4 yikes thats scary.i have also been told that bubs head is engaged  and that my cervix is clearly visable and rippening. i've been told that i can actually go at anytime from here on out and need bed rest until bubs is born so not the agrivate the situation ( easier said then done when you have a 3 yr old, a 5 year old and charli for the next 2 weeks due to holidays) along with the issues of bubs ( who by the way is looking to be the healthiest bub i ever seen, diaphram working well, strong heart beat and a good layer of fat , my little baking sumo) but my physio is concerned that she can't do anything more for my back until after bubs is born as she doesn't want the agrivate things or potentionally cause further damage she has also requested further bed rest and more limitations on what i can do housework wise etc.

aside from not hearing the best news yesterday and not feeling to crash hot we did get to see bubs ultrasound in 3d which was awsome i absolutely recommend anyone who can go have a 3d scan it's amazing we could clearly see everything ( which is how we clearly confirmed fus a boy) but we could see him open and close his eyes, poke out his tongue, suck his thumb and open and close his hands we could see individual fingers oh i was almost crying at it we sat an watched for ages i loved the experience and now can't wait to meet my little sumo even if he is causing me some bodily harm he's gorgeous.