As a first time user of blog and also to Minti, I am finding myself taken aback by all the lovely entries on this site. I had no idea Minti existed, and I need all the help and support I can find these days... I have been separated/divorced for 4 years now, suffering depression, anxiety, mood swings and you name it for about 7 years. Still undiagnosed after all this time, I am struggling to cope alone with mythree children, 4, 6 & 9. When I separated from their dad the kids lived with me for 16 months, I did full-time Uni for a semester as well, then I crashed, stopped sleeping and became angry and wasn't coping at all. My ex offered to look after the kids full-time till I was better, 6 months to 2 yrs whatever it took. Well that was wonderful, but I didn't find any immediate cure, as my ex thought would happen. I was bounced around between shrinks, counsellors, GP's and given lots of unhelpful advice from family. It's only after 7 years that my psychiatrist has finally said that i have a "mood disorder", halleluyah. I had been researching bi-polar and trying to tell people that I had all the symptoms of mild bi-polar, but no one would admit or risk diagnosing me.  I finally got shared care back in October 2005, then in Jan this year my ex goes interstate, suposedly for 8 months then was coming back to resume shared care. Now he loves it up there and wants me to give the kids to him full-time because I'm not coping by myself. I just can't believe he would put that decision on me, to give my kids away completely and not see them for months on end, what a dickhead.... I have just sent him an email pleading with him to move back here for the kids sake, they need both of us, they deserve it. He'll have to take me to court if he wants to get them, because I'm not going to give them up. But, I'm struggling so much with my ilness, that one day i feel like I'm on 'speed' and the next I'm about to put the kids on a plane to their dad. will write more tomorrow, this has been great therepy, ciao for now, rob Oxoxo