I've spoken to a few people.  One of my workmates has said she *will* babysit for me if it's urgent, there's no one else, and she's available but she doesn't like to babysit and won't babysit on a regular basis.  My boss said she knows a girl, 17, responsible, reliable, and my boss said she'd recommend her, it's her friend's daughter.  I used to work with the girl's mother until December, and met the 2 younger kids (now aged 9 and 11 years) but had not met the 17 year old before.  I knew she looked after her 2 younger siblings but that's the only time I heard her name mentioned was when my workmate was going out and said she was babysitting for her.

Anyway, I had a night out planned for next Friday night.  Just a trial run.  Was going to the pub down the end of my street from 8 until 10.  Only have 1, maybe 2 drinks just to see how the babysit went and how DD responded to her and everything else.  Spoke to my boss about it and she mentioned this girl has had problems.  When more questions were asked about this girls problems, it turns out she cuts herself, which I wasn't overly concerned with in itself, but she's also attempted suicide twice in 2 years, once was when she was babysitting her 2 younger siblings.  The parents came home from a meal at a restaurant just before they left in December to find their 17 year old daughter without much of a pulse.  She took a whole heap of sleeping pills.  How is that responsible??? It would be better to leave my child at home alone than to have her traumatised (and essentially alone) by the babysitter offing herself while she was charge of the child!

I'm not desperate to find a babysitter, but she turns 6 soon and I hardly go out anywhere, and it would just be nice to have a babysitter.  For instance, next Wednesday we have staff training which will go pretty late, so Miss 5 will have to just come along with me and be awake until 10pm on a school night.  Far from ideal.  A babysitter who could come here and keep her in routine would be much better.  But I'd rather have her out late for staff meetings or training, or miss out on movies or nights out, than leave her with someone who is going to kill herself or start cutting herself when she's meant to be babysitting.

I just don't know why it's so hard to find a babysitter who I would trust enough with my child, my very reason for everything I do in life.  Apparently this girl has had help, and that's great, and maybe in a few more years she'd be ok, but it was only December when she last attempted suicide.  I've been asking around work and at the school Miss 5 attends, I've asked friends with children but they either don't go out, have family in town, have a husband/partner at home to watch the kids, or they are single and the other parent has the children every second weekend.  Not much use to me at all.

With my boss, she has 3 kids and her friend has 3 kids.  They babysit for each other, they don't let anyone else look after their kids, and they don't babysit for anyone other than each other.  I need a friend like that with just one child.  It's hardly fair taking on someone else's 3 children in exchange for them looking after my one child.

Or maybe I'm just expecting too much from a babysitter.  I'm not fond of just ringing random numbers in the newspaper in case the person is just like the one my boss reccommended.  It also doesn't sit well with me to advertise needing a babysitter for that same reason.

The dawn service is something I haven't attempted since Miss 5 was Miss 8 months.  Once mobile, it just didn't seem right to attend the Dawn Service with her.  We attended a march that the local schools participated in.  Won't be long before she's in the marches for her school.  They had a Liturgy yesterday and a mass on Wednesday for the kids which was just great.  She has a pretty good understanding of what it's all about now.  It's certainly sparked some discussion and she wants to learn more about it.  If anyone knows of any good websites for kids focusing on this topic, can you please share them?  The ones I've come across are a little over her head.

Lest We Forget!

So now it's a decision of what to do.  Could always go down the AD path.  The first time was a fortunate accident that I ended up pregnant and single.  Relationships were never my thing.  Too much of a control freak.  Like to make all the decisions and do not like to share the bed with anyone my size or larger.  Kids and pets are fine. Now it's just a matter of whether to use an anonymous donor or do foster care.  I had 4 children for 6 months last year and as much as I love seeing children go back to their own families, it also broke my heart to hand them back.  I'm just lucky that their mother has added me on Facebook so I can see what the kids are up to and follow their lives on there.  They are happy and loved, and she has gone from a selfish, spoilt little brat who didn't deserve kids, to a loving mother providing the best environment possible for her 4 children.  I'm sad they left the state because even after she turned her life around and got her kids back we'd still go on outings together with all the kids and that was great.  Now we can't.  My fear with foster care is that I'll grow to love the children like I did with hers, but then never see them again.  It's unlikely that another *fortunate accident* will occur like the first time which would leave me single and pregnant with no interference from the father.  I also want another before I turn 30, which gives me just over a year!