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 Member » sh0nna » Blog » One year and counting
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Thursday the kiddo will be a year old. I cannot believe how big he's getting so fast. All of the women that stopped to tell me to enjoy it while I could because it goes by so fast were right. I must admit I was suspicious because these are the same people that would stop me while I was pregnant and assure me that labor didn't really hurt much at all. Some smug ones would even say that they were in labor for only a moment before the baby just popped right out. I was in labor over 24 hours and pushed for 6 of them folks and it did so f---king hurt. So you'll forgive my trust issues with these people.
Two new babies were born recently. I went and held adorable Joshua, I did. He was so tiny and shiny and new and made me long for the days only when Dorian was so little. I even went so far as to utter the words "I want another one..." to the horrified JD as we left the hospital. Babies make you sick in the head, boys and girls. Rationally, I am emotionally and physically exhausted as it is. There is no way in hell that I really do want another one. I wasn't even planning on having this one. But when you hold those tiny little creatures your clock starts ticking, singing it's siren song, filling your head with visions of tiny little hands and feet and sweet smelling heads. Babies are a sickness, an addiction. They are contagious and spread by feeding us these visions of snuggly moments and delightful smiles. They make no mention of the sleepless nights, the crapping up the back. They also do not mention that your bank account will hemorrhage money for food and diapers and toys and tiny shoes so adorable you just have to have them, well just because. No sir, this does not come up. They do not explain that you will live for them and them alone and gladly forgo brushing your teeth or showering altogether because devotion to them is absolute. And you will do it all with the hope that some day soon they will look at you and give you the smallest smile. And you feast on that little nugget like it is the most wondrous and amazing thing that has ever happened to you, as if God himself has glanced your way. That feeling of euphoria is all that gets you through the sleepless nights and (if you're lucky) cold meals. They are tiny, powerful beings, babies. Holding Joshua earlier made my arms ache for another little one to smile up at me, to need me. Now that I am home and near my sweet Dorian, I'm better. One year isn't so big after all. I have come to my senses and am once again under his command and his alone. I do not need another dictator to serve, no matter how rewarding. I'm tired, I look bad and smell worse, my place is a mess but I have the most terrifying and wonderful thing in the world...unconditional love. |
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I love you
That is so sweet! To be honest, when I was younger I thought one day I would be. But then life kept getting in the way. And now I only write when I'm posting a blog here and there. And that's usually at 2 in the morning, though there are those rare, rare, oh so very rare moments when someone else has my son for an hour or so during the day. Sure, they come back looking like they've been mugged and deprived of sleep, but I got that hour to myself. I asked for time off vouchers for Christmas from everyone. They think i'm kidding but I'm seriously in need of baby free time. I'd climb out the window without my husband knowing it right now if I wasn't so afraid my son would catch me and learn how to open the window, that sneaky little monkey sees everything and learns quick. But back to wanting to be a writer, maybe some day. By then I'll have Grandchildren and no time as well..... darn..... But it's worth the trade off, it really is, unless they are teething. Then all bets are off.
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