SURVEY THIS

What color is your bra?
As a new mother (is 16 months still new? It sure feels like it) I am pretty much lucky to have enough time to put one on. I can’t stop to look at the color.

Do you straighten your hair everyday?
Remember that friends where Monica goes to the bahamas and looks like Diana Ross on a bender? That’s what I looked like on my honeymoon. Ugliest newlywed EVER.

Do you worry about the size of your boobs?
No, I worry about the location.

Whats your favorite girly magazine?
Bust- Feminism, recipes and just enough F U.

Would you kill for chocolate?
I’d kill for sleep and hot food. Wouldn’t any mother

Jeans or skirts?
I gotta say that I love my jeans. Usually because I have a nasty habit of tucking my skirt into my undies. Lately I’m just happy not to have vomit or peanut butter and jelly on my clothing.

Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that's uncomfortable?
I’m female. Do they make any other kind for me?

Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy?
I’ve spent the last 31 years getting pretty for a guy. And I got knocked up for my efforts. It isn’t worth it ladies. Keep your unibrow and sleep in!

Did you ever cry during a romantic movie?
Since the baby, I cry at flipping dog food commercials.

Would you leave the house without makeup on?
This is weird but I sleep in makeup in case of a fire. I know, I said it was weird. I try to always have my makeup on. Trying to keep the romance alive, ya know. My sister called and asked what I was doing one day. When I told her I was putting on my makeup she asked where I was going. I said, “Nowhere, just trying to keep the romance alive.” It was right then that my husband chose to yell loudly, “Thanks for flushing!” Seems I went pee and forgot. So much for keeping the romance alive. It’s easier to just be ugly.

Do you consider making out "unladylike"?
No way. Unless you’re making out at the table I’m sitting at. That’s a little awkward.

On the scale of 1-10 how fun is shopping?
Depends on what you’re buying. Somehow, I don’t think shopping for a casket has that shopper’s high feeling with it.

Are you spoiled?
I am. My husband and son are very good to me. Of course, I bake for those monkeys so they better be good to me.

Do you think lipgloss is the best?:
No, I think coffee and eyeliner are way better. Two things I’m taking with me to the grave. I’ve asked my best friend to sprinkle some of my ashes on holy ground, the very first Starbucks. He promised to put me into a venti cup (making sure to note I’d gained weight) and scatter me about.

Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?
I’m a mom. My television viewing is limited to Blue’s Clues (how hot is Steve, by the way), Sesame Street and Teletubbies. What the f**k are those things? I can’t look away.

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
An hour. I’m counting the time it takes to find BOTH of his shoes and the inevitable return for some forgotten item.

Do you wear sweatpants/pajama pants to school?
It’s been a long time since I had to worry about school clothes. God, I am so not looking forward to doing the whole school years with the kiddo. There is just so much crap you have to deal with. At least it starts out with finger painting and paste eating before it all goes to hell.

Accessories make the outfit: true or false:
True. As a new mother, I never go anywhere without food in my hair and maybe some vomit on my jacket.

Do you like to hang out or go to special occasions?
Please, I am the queen bee of the bitchy brunch. Me and my boys shut the place down.

Do you like skater guys?
Do you remember when life was that simple? Do you like skater guys? Now I tackle questions like: How do I save enough for his college? Am I giving him all the love and attention he needs? If Blue can talk now, why doesn’t she just tell us what she wants? Why in the hell are we still searching for clues?

Is pink truly the best color in the entire universe?
Only black is slimming.

Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy?
As a female I’m gonna have to say yes.

Do you often wish there was something you could change?
The amount of my rent would be nice.

Gold or silver?
Gold will pay for my son’s college faster but I prefer silver. Community college it is!

Do you dress up too much for holidays?
I don’t get to dress up anymore. I’m too busy chasing the kiddo down and getting him ready.

Do you like to wear dresses?
No sir, I do not. I did love my wedding dress though and wore it around the house when my husband wasn’t home for like a month after the wedding. It makes cleaning a lot more fun. Just imagine the looks you’ll get doing laundry in your wedding dress. Of course, mostly because they think you waited too long.

Do you write a lot of mushy love poems?
No and I hate, hate, HATE when people think you care about reading theirs.

On a scale of 1-10 how much do guys confuse you?
10. Now gay guys this hag knows. Straight men, not a clue. No wonder so many of my boyfriends turned out gay.

In the past 24 hours have you hung out with a guy?
Yep. In fact, I spend nearly every minute of those 24 hours with a wee little man I adore. Lucky me! Unless he’s teething.