I read a quote once and while I'm not sure who wrote it or the exact wording, it was something like this: "Now and then there is a person born that is so unlucky, accidents happen to them that started out happening to someone else." This might as well be our family motto.

On Saturday we rushed off to celebrate our anniversary at a beautiful hotel room overlooking the ocean. The first sign that things were not going to go well would be the outbreak of hives. We're eating our Chinese food we have gotten from the same place a million times and I happen to glance over at my husband and nearly jump out of my skin. His entire face and neck are covered in pretty serious looking blotches and welts that weren't there a minute ago. This was the first time we thought we'd be going to the Emergency Room. The hives calmed down after 30 minutes or so and we STILL have no idea what caused them. Then I ended up vomiting and crying from the gallbladder pain. Poor Jeff stayed up and watched over me, this is the second time we thought we'd be going to the Emergency Room.

Eventually Jeff got me to bed and thought the evening would quite down. He went to the bathroom real quick and by the time he came out he noticed water dripping and then pouring from the ceiling which appeared to be about to cave in. Now Jeff is trying to pack up all of our belongings and drag my unconscious behind out of the room before the one above us comes falling down on our heads. This is all around two in the morning by the way.

You'd think that would be the end of it, right? Not so much. Our new room was great until the fire alarm in it went on and off for the next two hours. He finally ripped it from the ceiling and wrapped it in blankets. After we left the hotel from hell and had breakfast, we picked up the car from the valet and Jeff drove us to the beach..... with the parking brake on. Now he needs new breaks. Like he said, of course it happens now, what with all the extra cash we have left over from Christmas and all. Oh, my laptop was dropped down a flight of stairs

Considering we ended up pregnant the last time we celebrated our anniversary at that hotel, I'm feeling pretty lucky. 

When my husband's new co-worker, Jay, asked me what year we were celebrating I drew a blank. I would like to say I was thinking are you counting from when we moved in together or how long we've been married? There's a big difference in years there. I can't tell you how many, but it's big enough to remember that much at least. I was busted and glad that my husband was not there when I decided to surprise him with vegan chicken drumsticks from this fantastic Vietnamese place he loves (AuLac) and to let Dorian say hi to his Dad. I finally manage to stutter out, "Two years...three...no two.... no three. He's one, so three?" I glance over at Dave (Jeff's Boss) who throws his hands up and says, Don't look at me?"   Look, the point is, I was bringing delicious food, a favorite of my husband of three whole years (or so I am told) and it is the thought that counts. Now, maybe if this was the first time I had forgotten our anniversary it would have been okay. I have forgotten before, folks. I forgot our first one. Jeff handed me a present and I opened it and thanked him. He asked if I knew what it was for. I said no mainly because I'm an idiot and who demands to know reasons for gifts before opening and appreciating them? He informed me it was our one year anniversary present. Good god was I mortified. I was that guy! I had no card, no gift, no fucking clue. I was THAT fucking guy. And, it seems I still am. My husband has requested that I remember that I am that guy right now the next time he wakes up to find he is that now that guy and give him a break. So, the next time I bitch about him here, feel free to remind me that I woke up to the Kitchen Aide Mixer of my dreams, roses tucked in the highchair and a card joking about how my husband was a jerk and never did anything right but was looking forward to the hotel room he'd booked that we stayed at on our first anniversary. See, do you see how fucking that guy I am right now and where all things anniversary are concerned?   Also, my husband was my hero on my birthday. He took the baby and let me sleep in. When I did wake up, he walked into the bedroom with a life size cut out of Orlando Bloom. He had to walk through the entire complex carrying that. He claims the car ride home was worse. Orlando stands and keeps watch in the corner of my room even now. It's sexy and creepy all at the same time.   So, Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband of three years and doomed to the fires of hell living in sin for six years before that. And thank you to my 15 month old son for making sure we did not get any sleep well beyond the wee hours of  the morning. And not in a good way. Sleep, damn you, sleep!!!!!!   P.S.       Happy Birthday to my dear best friend, my pseudo husband.....

We’re teething. For you childless people this is code for: We haven’t slept in weeks, he spends more time crying than not and we each walk by the front door and just for a second, just a second, think of getting in the car and driving far, far away from that horrible sound, leaving our mate to raise him alone. Between the gallstones, the jungle flu we seem to keep passing back and forth and caring for a one year old, I’m tired. I’m sooooooooooooooooo very tired. I welcome the idea of the surgery for more than just the pain relief. I need a break. Why in the world did they make getting teeth so painful….for EVERYONE?