I have been offline for a bit now. Been too sick to do anything. I have had my appendix out, 4 weeks off work (still 2 more to go), R has had his tonsils out and is now back at work. He was offered a new job just before he had his tonsils out and they have been waiting for him to recover so he could start. R had complications a week after the surgery and had to go back in and have more done so he has had even more time off. It wasn't until I started pushing him to get up and go to work that he finally went! He can be such a baby sometimes.

It looks like I am having some problems with my appendix site. There is a huge lump under the scar and it could be a hernia. Here's hoping it's not as it will mean more surgery for me and then 8 weeks of recovery. That will mean complete bed rest, no working and what the bejeezers will I do with my kids for that amount of time?!? Not to mention no earnings from me and the savings almost completely depleted. Boy, aren't I a picture of happiness and laughter today. We are in a cycle of suck right now and things are hard. Stress is taking its toll on me and I really can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yep, you guessed it. This is a vent blog for me. I get so angry right now, my partner can't see that money is a worry for me right now. Having very little income, normal bills to pay  plus medical expenses on top of it all, why shouldn't I worry? And then to top it off he comes home last week with his first pay in 2 1/2 months and proceeds to give $540 of it to someone he owes money to from February, they were quite happy to wait for it mind you knowing that we weren't in the position to pay it anytime soon. So there went 2 thirds of his pay in a second. Then R proceeds to tell me he is going to Broome in 2 weeks and needs to organise the flights up there and back!!!!! Why do some men have no notion of priorities and family? It can't be that hard., we have been together for years and he sees me struggle to pay the bills etc every week and he goes and throws this trip at me. $800 just in airfares out of our last $2000. I feel like screaming and crying and kicking and punching something. I feel worthless in this relationship right now. I have no say over anything. R has this notion that it is his money and he can do what he pleases with it. But when you are a family, family comes first. Am I wrong? Is there maybe something I don't know? An unwritten rule maybe that says he can do what he wants when he wants and stuff the partner and kids. They can sit there with no money while I go away for speedway for three days.

Is there not priorities when you are in a long term relationship?  Maybe I have the wrong end of the stick? Maybe all the things I learnt from my parents marriage and friends marriages and relationships about fairness and equality do not apply to me and my relationship. Because all I can see is that since he earns the money it is his and I have to ask for even the slightest amount if I need to buy anything.

Aaargh! I think I will go and bang my head against the wall.

If you have read this far, I thank you for listening to me vent. It is much appreciated.