Y'know I think I finally know whats wrong with me being pregnant seems to be making me an emotional reck but today Clair my midwife came round can you believe she thinks I'm strong given my history with mc's then a lill more than difficult birth I'm bk for more maybe I aqm but I'm still terrified anouther child arghhh life changes with kids we all know that and now anouthers on the way I wonder if I'm ready with a mil from hell im fed up for 14mnths ive had to prove myself at every stage and how many times have i been told...you are a good mum...ONCE....YES ONCE IN 14MNTHS!

So last night all this made sence thats why im scared because no-ones on my side no one bks me up no one tells me anything positive and im tired i try and try and it took tat from my sister 12mnths ago now ive carried that lill memory everywere with me as soon as she said that she stopped me from losing it completely and i carried on the fight now Im not ready to start that fight all over again.

Don't get me wrong I love being a mum I love our lill family and yea I have a good family but we arnt what you'd call open or affectionate at all, me too lol were sarcastic but somewere there has to be some appretiation compliment no matter how small maybe they forgot about me maybe my hormones are in over drive but right now im thinking were is everyone weres my support who picks me up when im down.....no-one because there busy, working,tired, nxt wk, which soon becomes ahh we forgot and cld you just yep thats right forget i needed you but now can i do you a favour arghhhh

Anyway bk to the midwifeshe made me relise yea i may be falling apart but im still here in pieces but still here i made her laugh im positive well to tlk to lol and she cant believe how i can be like that after the past few yrs i had but thats me lifes never been easy compared to some this is bliss emmm ill think that one through lol y6ea i sld probably think myself lucky for all that i have and ill be bk to old me soon but for now in pieces is OK atleast I look slimmer LMAO!!!