Definatley spoke too soon when I said things had taken a strange tern for the better...... oh yea!  today things became back to very very crappy :( went to see if...? now we dont own a house, i cld get some help we poll tax n ren?????t ermmmm no!

Well 97p a wk off polltax so thats a bummer as i now pay an exra £600 a year and the rents £300 a mnth more than the morgage was...this is not how things were ment to be!.

But maybe i sldnt complain were ok we dont have to move but it wld have took some pressure off bobby working 44 hrs a week and dreading anouther unpaid day off when bailey needs hospital appointments and admissions, and y'just never know whats rd the corner.... we were just over on bobbys income so were gonna get some advice n see if he can drop a few hrs and then we'd get £85 a week towards rent and he cld come to baileys therapy that wld be ace as i have routines for bailey that bobby just doesnt get,.... theres techniques for encouraging his posture etc that just go in one ear and out the other coz he doesnt see them do it with him and se the results like i do.

Feeling like everytime somethings going well, something else is rdy to bulldoze me, honestly i must be the unluckiest person everything bad thats happened has just happened its not like i brought any of it on myself or someone hates me infact id rather someone hated me compared to the crap lifes been throwing at me lately i think id rather someone smashed the car window or bad mouthed me least that kinda stuff u can deal with on face value, how am i suppose to react to ur child needs half his brain removing but u have to watch him fitting daily for nearly 8mnths then the op wont work and he'll be in icu after a blood transfusion, then we'll tease u with a taste of its a miracle hes ok to change tactics 4 mnths later and oh more surgery urghhhhh, i just wanna explode but what do i do drive the car into the tree hit the nest person that pees me off right between the eyes trash the house???????????? noo coz it wont help and there is no easy fix is there? just gotta tk what ever life gives me and hope theres some mercy soon x

oh winge ova now to ring rd dog kennels for koko whilst baileys in....so far were on £10 a day he cld be in 2 wks + sob sob there goes anouther 140 quid sob sob.....he definatly wont be in 48 days they cld have kept the flammin dog

(((hugs)))

So glad this week is over, things have taken a strange turn a good one tho...Still in two minds about changing from manual to automatic lessons but then on reflection ive been learning just under 4 mnths seems like alot longer but thats because the need for me to drive is so great for Bailey, but I havent given up on passing manual just yet my instructer is great really nice guy and no nt attractive lol, but we have alot in commen he understands me, even we Bailey which is rare his son had cancer on the brain stem so he's been were I am. I feel like id be letting him down and me too a bit, but i cld pass auto and ive still got time to then pass manual aswell but passing now gets me fully licenced and on the road.

Bobbys really getting carried away with a new car idea I love bsm's car "corsa" bit small for us tho as a main car but ive been applying a lill pressure and told him ken my instructer says this models the best corsa....which he did say, for me it wld be ideal and theres some pretty good deals on them too. Bobbys not beat down quiet enough yet tho he cldnt stand to see me with a brand new car and him in his r reg, i like his car but i guess hes a bit vainer than i thoght and omg how wld his freinds react him working full time n me house wife we new car must be under the thumb right? of course he is but he likes to pretend haha....atleast hes heading in the right direction to the car show room :)

OH AND GUESS WHAT IT WILL BE AUTOMATIC.....MAYBE I SLD JUST FORGET THIS MANUAL THING?.......WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE IM CHEATING THO??????????????

Baileys kinda settled he is sleeping alot and Mackenzie's bored whilst im just tired of trying to please everyone.....B seizures are strong now so the little guy is shattered but they are remaining in the safety limit before rescue meds..touch wood! Kenzie really needs nursery but he really did not take to kindly when we tried, he went through alot with Baileys op aswell so I think this time Im gong to get that over with let him get settled again....and pray hes rdy in January, works out quiet well saves me paying nursery fees as he gets free nursery from january....just gtta find one? he's being enrolled in the school up the road even tho I know with his birthday on 2nd sept they will hold him bk a year but hes in.

Back again...I've missed being online, but as I seem to be stuck in the house waiting on ppl day in day out what the hell...

This week is wearing me down we had an accident with Baileys meds saturday night....smashed bugger! had to be the one thats specially ordered and taked 3-5 working days to get from manufacturer, leavimng us with the counter version that isnt designed for kids it stinks and he vomits it back after chocking on it....in our favour no chemist had that so we had to revert to tablets which are great cheacked with his consualtant he can stay on tabs if hes keeping them down, Then the Doctors get involved gp recpetionists really think they are sommat huh ended up we 5 days worth now his consultants on sick so cant tell them im ordering as agreed bugger bugger bugger!!!

Baileys appointment for his mri came through and meeting we sugeon and op date total mess sorted that now anouther letter hes also having an eeg 24hr tape done on 30th...panic over he can come home with it on but were back nxt day to get results.....some notice would have been nice thats 2 days we out pay for Bobby.

i hope nxt wk runs more smoothly I seem to have been on the phoner all week talking to ppl that know absolutely nothing about my son his needs or his condition yet im in the wrong????

Now I have to drop a driving lesson a wk untill Baileys op coz i aint gonna pass b4 and im running outta my lessons we family fund....although if i went auto id pass in no time, he doesnt seem to think i sld but then were getting an automatic car so why am i wasting my time putting myself under pressure and a whole lotta stress I cld do we out??? The point of me driving was to get Bailey to his app without putting ppl out for lifts, getting me some freedom and independance and security that if he needs rushing in I can get him there faster than the ambulance cld get to me......well mission failed coz the seizures returned as we hoped wldnt now ill have ppl trailing bk n forth from manchester, its all a huge mess that we just cldnt help, and i hate the fact thats its all out of my hands.

Winge over for today, but im sure someone will see fit to wind me up again soon, its always the way ....xx

Hiya everyone,

 Loads has happened here you better hold on tight, last time I logged Baileys seizures were back well there still here and have got worst as each week passes, we saw his surgeon last wednesday and they will try more surgery if the mri results diagnose the seizures are still coming from his right brain and theres a point. All hs seizure activity efects his left side so im pretty sure he'll be eligable. Now they have to deside if continuing the operation they started is viable of sould we remove his right brain all together (the option he didnt have last time due to his age and size. Im sure we'll get him sorted and he'll be back t that lill ray of sunshine we had for those short four months earlier this year. His surgery could be this year as we dont have an issue with his weight or age can you believe it last one feb this cld be as soon as november....

I just read my last blog about the house alot has changed we have moved the old house is still in the hands of solicitors and weve been here a month, its great mac loves the garden but we ended up no were near any family or freinds and my commutes with bailey take longer but its fab and suits our needs in a nice area all the draw backs will cancel themselves out once i pass the dreaded driving test, apparently i can drive but i have bad habits whom i got of bobby grrr, suprised my self thought id never get this far never be able to park or reverse and guess what i aced them all...haha thats gonna come bk at me isnt it lol

Amongst the move, Baileys health issues and learning to drive we have had Kenzie and Bobbys birthday i even squeezed a party in there too, talk about shattered schools bk so therapy starts again we bailey had 3 hossy app more nxt week and then the letting agent rang to ask if he cld do his 1mnth inspection....superwoman has pulled it off again,,feeeew!, luckily the wasp problem stopped him going outside koko took a liking to the bench...oops

bday pics n latest of kids on facebook just coz i is having some lazy time...no actually i havemt time to load all sites got driving lesson again cya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx