Thank you all very much for all the feedback on my Question. I have been considering all the options you all gave me but my first desision was to take him to a doctor and find out what the matter is with him and if there is anything wrong with him.
I have been trying to get out from where i live ever since i first had problems with the arrangements (referring to my previous blogs), but sadly fo now that is impossible, i have no income whatsoever and wont be able to provide for my son on my own just yet. I am really trying to get something to hold onto to get outa here. my parents can't understand why i need to move out, they say that i am stealing him away from them and that i only want him to myself. they also think that i will be abusive towards him if they dont see what i am doing all the time.
this weekend he had a violent fit and i held him close telling him how much i love him and how much i want to help him and after i left him, he played outside quietly and my sister spoke to him and apparently she was telling him not to get dirty in the dirt and he got angry at her, picked up a stone and threw it at her, he missed her but threw out my dad's company vehicle's window. that was not a good thing, i was hurt that he did something like that and started crying when they said to me how its my fault that he is like that, how i am a worthless mother and not doing anything about him, how im not dicipling him and and and. i was sad all day and couldnt stop crying as i really did feel maybe it is my fault that my son is acting out the way he is, maybe i should have never trusted them to look after him while i was trying to find my feet, to build him a better stable life, to build something that he can look back to and say..' i had a good childhood and my mother is the best'. but at this moment i feel that he will look back and say my mother is worthless and she never did anything for me by herself.
i have this really big feeling of regret, fear, worthlessness. maybe it was wrong of me to not listen to my dad when he said to get an abortion, but i felt it was murder. i love my son, i have loved him since i found out i was going to be a mother. i never once said i would rather leave this behind because of the challenges that would lie ahead to be a single mother and unemployed, i took my responsibilities on full ahead. i knew it would be hard, but that is one of the challenges that comes with any parenthood i believe it helps you grow love for your kids and for other people around.
mystikal, dont worry about hurting my feelings before i was a bit over sensitive that day as i did not have the best of days. all my days consist of not good days lately.
i am seeing someone that loves my son to bits and he is paying for the doctor or phycological expences as he is also very worried for my son and me. my son and him are the only people that keeps me going when the days get tough. he sometimes offer to watch my son while i sleep a bit or when i need to relax, he even sent me to a spa this past weekend to help rid of some of the stress. so as soon as he gets steady in his own place and me get a good job we plan to move in together. i cannot have asked for a better man to support my emotional needs, i love him to bits. to be very honest this weekend after the window insident i phoned him up asking if we could maybe hang out together at the park to let my son relax a bit ( as he got a hiding from grandpa for the window and i was very angry at that and told them how i felt). he came and took us out to the park and almost instantly i saw a changed child. he was loving, he actually looked at the worms hanging on webs in the trees and told me he was happy to see animals. so i agree with some of the comments saying that it is the enviroment he is living in.
here is my email adres if any of you want to speak some more or give me more good advice andreabfg@hotmail.com
i am very greatful and appreciate all the advice given to me and i am sure going to try it all until i find the one that works with him.
Thank you Minti moms.
Lotsa love and blessings to you all.
xxx
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