I recently read a book called A Million Little Pieces. It is a book about a 23 year old man who goes into rehab. He is a real loser, addicted to everything and completely out of control. The book is pretty graphic in demonstrating the horrors of addiction and did my head into a point where I looked at everything I did in my life to make sure that I wasn't addicted to anything. I even reduced my wine intake at dinner just to prove to myself that I could.
    More relevant to this forum, there was a part of the book where the writer was talking about this terrible rage that he had towards his parents. This anger took on its own persona and was called the Fury. It  was a big, black ugly monster that spoke loud and resounding in the poor man's head. He couldn't hug his parents, and when they did anything loving to him, he shrank back in disgust.
    During his time in rehab he worked with a therapist. The therapist noted that he was extremely angry. She work shopped him on why. Was he ever abused as a child sexually? Mistreated by his parents physically? Did any one else abuse him as a child like a carer or relative. NOTHING. No abuse in his history. His parents were loving, normal and supportive, even through his addiction.
    There is a time in rehab where the family members come for family group. It is meant to be a time for confession and healing. From what it sounds like, it is terribly painful for all parties but part of the process of regeneration.
    During this man's family sessions, he tells his parents that he is angry with them. He describes this rage in great detail. The parents are horrified and the mother is weeping. She is sobbing.  She is bereft.
    The therapist asks the parents if there was anything, anything at all in the child's history, from day 1, that would have created this reaction in their son. Through the tears the mother explains that her son was born screaming. He screamed and wailed for the first 2 years of his life. They fed him, changed him, cuddled him and the infant was inconsolable.  They took him to the heath care provider and they could find nothing obviously wrong.  The child continued to scream.
    Some time later, they finally went to a specialist as their economic position could now afford one. The doctor noted that the child had SEVERE ear infections, and had them for an obvious long time. The child had been screaming in agony for years and the parents didn't address it. They didn't know. How could they know, the mother kept saying.
    It was a very powerful and haunting chapter especially because I am a parent. TO think that this man developed a resentment that went all the way back to the cradle was frightening. I think in the past, parents thought that the kids would never remember any of their first year experiences so they did what they wanted, not appreciating that those early years were creating a personality imprint that would structure this person's entire personality and being.
    This chapter also made me introspective. Who am I? How do I feel about my mother? What happened that influences these feelings. I also have purposed to give my son the most loving, happy environment in all his points of contact, from carers to we parents.
    The book is a great gritty read if you can handle to vivid descriptions. It is part autobiography, part fiction, but powerful nonetheless.