This post is from from my other blog here


Introducing Boys to Dancing

While girls today continue to gravitate to dance from a young age, many boys avoid dance because of the modern perception that it is a feminine activity. Boys are instead encouraged to focus on sports as an outlet for their energies. The irony is that dancing can be even more physically and mentally demanding than football or basketball!

The Benefits of Dance for Boys
It is important to change this perception as boys are missing out on valuable skills.
1) Dance allows boys an important outlet for expressing their emotions in a safe way. Just watch Billy Elliott to see how dancing allows boys to express their emotions in a constructive way!

2) It teaches them control of their body. Dancing teaches boys to be aware of their bodies and how it moves. “Dancers learn to use their brains as well as their feet,” Says Owen Oxley, local dance instructor and owner of Oxley Dance Studios. “which is something a lot of boys can’t do, because multi-skilling is not a skill that comes naturally to them.”


3) It increases their self esteem and confidence. Mastering increasingly complicated dance steps boosts their belief in themselves, and they become more confident in their ability to master any new skill. “Their self confidence increases because they learn to know their own body and start to feel good about themselves.” Says Warren Jerome, President of the Cairns Rock ‘n’ Roll Club.

4) It teaches boys respect for other people. Dancing requires a person to show courtesy and consideration towards other people, or they won’t want to dance with them again!


5) Studies show it has many health benefits, such as improving body image, attentiveness, and communication skills. Dancing also reduces stress, fear and anxiety.

6) For older boys, dance is a wonderful way for to connect with girls in a safe and unthreatening way. This is an opportunity often missed today because boys are afraid of looking ridiculous in front of girls. This could be eliminated with a few simple dance lessons.

7) A teen boy who is a confident dancer has a social advantage over his less confident and able peers. While young boys may not appreciate dance in quite the same way as girls, the advantages of being able to dance will suddenly become clear when they are teenagers! Girls of all ages love to dance and appreciate a boy who is at least confident enough to get on the dance floor. This is a skill which will stand him in good stead for the rest of his life. “Boys quickly learn that a lad who knows how to dance can get any girl in the room onto the dance floor!” Says Mr Oxley.

Dance Opportunities for Boys
There are many different forms of dance available to interest boys, such as Funk, Hip Hop, Rock ‘n Roll and Ballroom. The energetic kicks, flips and spins of the Dance-Rock-n-Roll-Boogie Club (DRRB) appeal to a lot of boys, with at least 50% of the classes being made up by boys. “It is such an energetic activity that boys who are sporting often make the best dancers!” Laughs Mr Jerome of the DRRB Club. Ballroom dancing has also proved to be a perennial favourite. The owner of Oxley Dance Studios, Owen Oxley, notes that his ballroom dancing classes have enjoyed a 50/50 mix of boys and girls for over 15 years. “While boys often get self conscious about dance at some stage during their teen years and leave for a while, they invariably come back within a year!”

While sport will always be a major part of our boys’ lives, we should also encourage them to enjoy the many creative, social and emotional joys of dance. Giving our sons a love of dance –and the confidence to enjoy it- is a gift that will last them a lifetime.

This post is from from my other blog here


How to Empower Children to Stay Safe

There are many things we, as parents, can do to enable our child to feel - and be - safe. Most parents don’t want to even think about the possibility of violence against their children and, fortunately, such instances are rare. However, violent situations may still occur, so all parents should be prepared. As the top U.S. security expert, Gavin De Becker, points out, "Of all the strategies you might bring to protecting your children, could ignorance about violence possibly be an effective one?"


Teaching Kids How To Avoid Violence

1. From a young age, teach children the power of intuition. Remember, we trust far more people than we distrust, so if your child feels uncomfortable around someone, it is significant. We must teach our children to honour the gut instinct that says something's not right. This takes practice. On outings, ask your children to tell you how they reacted to someone you both just met. Get them to notice their first instinctual reaction - was it trust, shyness, distaste?

2. Children must be taught to react to early signals, as this is when they can turn away most predators. Teach your child to be wary of strangers who try to be charming, offer unsolicited help and promises, and especially, ignores your child's refusal of help. According to De Becker, this is the most universally significant signal of danger as it is a sign that the predator is seeking to control them. Teach your child that it is okay to be blunt and even rude in this situation. Explain to them that you (and other adults) will understand their rudeness if they turn out to be mistaken. If children don't make the mistake of waiting for very clear signals, then they can defeat most predators.

3. Teach your children how to communicate clearly that they are not a target. This includes glaring, holding the stare, walking away immediately and raising their voice. Most predators will get the message and look for an easier target. Although a placid person, I once used this technique to scare away a man who was hovering over my children in a way that made me very uncomfortable. My heart was pounding like a drum but he backed right off!

4. Your children need to practise being aware of their surroundings. Predators look for victims who are going to be easy targets - the ones on their phones, looking at the ground, day dreaming, listening to music…Teach your child to always take note of who is around him or her and what is going on. If they notice someone approaching them, they can usually deter them with step 3, communicating that they will not be an easy target.

5. Teach your teenage child about PC, that is, privacy and control. Sexual predators are not dangerous to your child if they don't have privacy and control. Therefore, if your daughter learns to recognise PC situations early, she can take steps to change the situation before it becomes dangerous. For example, if a girl notices that her driving instructor's directions are taking her out of populated areas, she can clearly say "I wish to stay in familiar areas." This clearly says to the predator that she is not going to be easily controlled, and in the majority of cases, the predator will abandon his plan.


Teaching Kids How To React When Faced With Violence

1. Teach your child to do the opposite of whatever he or she is told to do, as that is what the attacker is most afraid that your child will do. If they say 'don't yell', train your child to do exactly that!

2. Enrol your child in martial arts or self-defence class. This is important because the reaction of most people when faced with an aggressive, loud in-your-face person is to freeze. Their mind goes blank which allows the attacker time to get in close and take control. Martial arts will teach your child to react automatically in crises. Those precious first few minutes often make all the difference in an attack, as most attackers will retreat in the face of a serious defence. If you can't afford classes, you can make a game of surprising your child at home, and practising quick responses.

Mother of 3, Karen McIlveen, enrolled her three daughters in martial arts classes from an early age. “I think the discipline and the awareness that there is something they can do to defend themselves have made them stronger in their minds, not just their bodies. Even though they may be smaller than their opponent, they may be able to use that window of opportunity and give themselves at least 3-5 seconds to run away. I feel more confident knowing that my 3 daughters have some techniques in which to rely upon in a difficult situation”

3. Teach your child to breathe out in crises. Most people forget to breathe which means their brain's ability to think through the crises disappears. Breathing out forces the body to start breathing again, which in turn allows a person to react quicker.

Constable Russell Parker from the Crime Prevention Office, emphasises the importance of empowering children to know that they have a right to say ‘No’ and that there are always people they can talk to, no matter what the problem. “Talk to kids about who they can turn to if they are feeling afraid or if someone is threatening them. Get them to list at least 5 people that they trust completely. It might be a parent, their grandma, or a teacher. These are the people they can then turn to when they don’t feel safe. Predators often use threats of harm to the child or their family to ensure silence. Kids need to know that there is no secret so bad that they can’t talk to someone about it.”

Preparing your children to be safe doesn't mean making them fearful of the world. It means teaching them that there are techniques they need to master to stay safe, in much the same way we teach our children how to deal with fire. I recommend reading Gavin De Becker’s excellent book on preventing violence to kids, ‘Protecting the Gift’. Our children are, indeed, our most precious gift.

This post is from from my other blog here




Signs that you are struggling as a modern parent:

1. You use phrases like these:

• “This is your last chance/warning”
• “I’m warning you…”
• “How many times have I told you…”
• “Don’t make me repeat myself”
• “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you ten times”
• “I’m not telling you again…”
• “If I have to ask you one more time…”
• “Don’t make me come over there…”
• “Jamie, sweetie. Don’t do that, Jamie, dear! Look at me, Jamie! I’m
warning you, Jamie…!”


2. You feel like this often when you are with your kids:

• Frustrated
• Exasperated
• Irritated
• Angry
• Depressed


3. You have scenes like these:

• Children arguing with you or whining because you told them to do a chore
• Children having temper tantrums more than once
• Children sulking because they didn’t get their way
• You trying to reason with your children
• You allowing yourself to be drawn into arguments with your children
• You talking to your children in a ridiculing/condescending or harsh way
• Your children rolling their eyes at you or talking contemptuously back at you
• You hear ‘why?’ every time you ask the kids to do something
• Your children waiting till you’ve asked them to do something 3 times (and
finally threatening them) before doing it
• Your child is the one running around the restaurant, jumping on the
furniture, pulling on your arm/interrupting while you’re talking to another
person
• Other parents saying things like “My, he’s high spirited, isn’t he?”
(Translation: why don’t you control your child and stop him jumping on my
furniture)
• The thought of ‘quality time’ with your kids fills you with dread
• You do something yourself rather than face the complaints you’d get if you
ask the kids to do it
• You can’t wait till your kids go back to school!


A lot of parents will recognise these behaviours as most of them are natural consequences of the modern parenting advice given to parents today.

Our children are now less confident and certainly less charming than any previous generation. Many children today have few manners, poor social skills and little self discipline. Yet they are trying to cope with a world far more stressful and complex than the one we were raised in.

Modern parents, on the other hand, are by and large, exhausted and frustrated. If you look around, you see stressed parents struggling to control their temper in the face of disrespectful, argumentative and rebellious children.

I believe that we need to take the best of modern parenting and meld it back into the traditional methods of parenting. There are aspects of traditional parenting that wouldn’t work today, such as the emphasis on much more severe discipline. This does not mean that we should throw out the baby with the bath water! The traditional philosophy was one of training a child to be a pleasant and productive member of the family, community and ultimately, society. The modern focus, however, is solely on the child and his/her happiness. This has, ironically, resulted in more stress on the family and child as it has encouraged more arguments and less respect in the home.

A return to traditional methods of parenting would mean once again teaching children respect, boundaries, manners and values; it would mean teaching with calmness and affection, not being afraid to discipline and being consistent in how and when we applied discipline. Parenting was pretty straightforward 40 years ago - it can be again. We just need to update it a little to take into account the modern way of living.

This post is from from my other blog here



"ScreamFree Parenting is not just about lowering your voice. It’s about learning to calm your emotional reactions and learning to focus on your own behavior more than your kids’ behavior . . . for their benefit. Our biggest enemy as parents is not the TV, the Internet, or even drugs. Our biggest enemy is our own emotional reactivity. When we say we “lost it” with our kids, the “it” in that sentence is our own adulthood. And then we wonder why our kids have so little respect for us, why our kids seem to have all the power in the family.

It’s time to do it differently. And you can. You can start to create and enjoy the types of calm, mutually respectful, and loving relationships with your kids that you’ve always craved. You can begin to revolutionize your family, starting tonight.

Parenting is not about kids, it’s about parents.
If you’re not in control, then you cannot be in charge.
What every kid really needs are parents who are able to keep their cool no matter what."

To see book go to Scream Free Parenting

I grew up in such a household where my father was always composed and cool. We knew we could get to our mother on certain matters but nothing seemed to throw my father. Break an arm, start to drown, destroy his precious possessions...he always reacted in exactly the same way. In retrospective, I can see what a wonderful parenting plan that was! We kids were in awe of his knowledge, self control and seeming omniscience, and the result was that we always treated him with respect and obedience. I am not quite as successful with my own kids but I'm still working on it!