My gosh! I just looked at the date of my last blog and it was last December! Time does fly when your having fun OR if you are going through the process of getting one autistic child settled into school while also then having another one being assessed for autism too. Add on top of that your eldest had been hospitalised with burst appendix and you have a recipe for a long stretch away from the computer!

As I mentioned, I have had my second son assessed for autism and it looks pretty certain that he will be given that diagnosis. I cried all day after the first assessment because I truley didn't know how the hell I was going to find the energy and resources to even begin to deal with two autistic kids. After the initial shock and tears wore off I slowly began to realise that I was ALREADY dealing with this situation and it was a case of being more upset about having to let go of the hope that I might be wrong about what I had feared all along, and that it was now undeniably true. That one hurt like a bugger let me tell you!

Then I grieved over losing my life. I felt as though I was always going to be giving and giving to my family with little chance to have anything left for myself ( see anniebabe's last advice). It didn't help matters that my father came to stay for a while and he began to worry for me, to the point of saying that I couldn't keep this up on my own without more support  - would I consider a  move to be closer to the rest of my family? Well, I already knew that my Tassie partner wouldn't move even if you put a fire cracker under him! No matter how I felt about it. And I would never move his children so far away from him. There was nothing else to say.

What do you do when you feel like your relationship is becoming one of convenience rather than love? I don't know. All I do know is that I need to get myself into a supportive environment so I can give my kids the love and attention that thay need without losing myself.

How I will manage that is yet to be seen. But by doing the best for myself will be ensuring my kids have a mum that can be everything they need me to be. Maybe thats all we mum's can do.

Yesterday afternoon my beloved friend and companion, Gussy, died while looking at the the beautiful view of the Derwent Valley.

My boy was 12 years old and I was so sad to watch him go but I know that he is now going on to the place of endless romping and adventure - where there is plenty of love and pats, a never ending supply of his favorite foods and maybe a possum or two to chase. I know that he is never far away from me and I need only to whistle and he will come running to fill me with his memories and love.

We buried him today in our land. But the best place that you can bury your dog is deep with-in your heart, for then they will always be with you. You only have to whistle.....

Vale my dearest Boy

My sweet Gus.

xxxxxx

My beautiful niece, Kat (21), has just flown home to Sydney after staying with us for a week and it was so great to have family around ! My kids don't get to see cousins very often as they are interstate or overseas, but Kat sure made a big impression on my kids!

Needless to say I was able to have some much desired down time when Kat took over playing and helping the kids!

Thank you also to my minti friends that left amessage to cheer me up - very much appreciated!

Wishing all a Very Merry Christmas and a Fantastic New Year!

Hi all,

I am really down at the moment as my second son is being referred to be screened for autism. I don't think that I will ever leave my house again unless for appointments! I don't feel as though my partner really understands how hard it is for me, with no immediate family to help me! He always tries to be supportive and do what he can but I find that he just feels uncomfortable if I tell him how I am really coping! It is so exhausting to provide a solid family life for an autistic child, I don't know if I have the stamina to keep that up for two!

I am so torn between wanting the best for my kids and trying to find time to be me - at the moment I don't seem to have that time at all! And if my partner looks after them for a short while it is great until I come home as I am then left to deal with them on my own again because he feels that he has done enough. Or at least thats what I think he feels when he turns off to looking after the boys.

I will stop moaning 'cause I didn't want to be so damned depressing during such a happy time!

Wishing every one a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

This is the time of year that I used to hate when I was young! All Christmas meant to me was another year without my Mum, another year without my brothers. As a child I hated my Father for moving me so far away from the last pieces of my Family that was left after my Mum died from a brain tumor.

It took a long while to leave that anger behind ( and even today I still have moments of feeling so alone and so sad) but even though time may have worked it's magic on my pain and anger - it could never bring back that sense of Family that was torn away from me. Even today I find it hard to be in a conversation with someone and Mum's are discussed and I have to say " I don't have a Mum, she died when I was seven.' Even though it was more than 29 years ago it always brings that grief back like a knife in the heart.

Today, I am a Mother of three beautiful kids and the partner to a wonderful man. It was a miraculous moment when I suddenly realised that I didn't need to mourn the loss of having a family to belong to - here I was with one of my own! ( as stupid as it sounds to not have considered that!)

So, these days I welcome Christmas as a time to celebrate Families - those that are no more but continue to live on in our hearts and those that are here and now, that make our lives complete. I try to make traditions around what I remember of my Mum's Christmas lunches and dinners, I even feel she is with me when Charlotte, Thomas, Benjamin and Grant help me decorate the tree - because that was a special thing to do with my Mother at Christmas!

Instead of being sad at this time, I try to make it a time where I feel my Mum being present within me and it is comforting to know that it is a feeling that will never be taken away from me. I sometimes look at my second child, Thomas ( named after my Mum's favorite brother, whom died in the mines in Yorkshire when only 21 ) and think about the fact that he was born on the exact anniversary day of my Mother's passing and wonder whether there is a link between the two of them. I know it's more of a wishful thinking but it makes me feel that she is with him and looking out for him!

I would like to wish a Very Merry Christmas to all Minti members and their Families - may the New Year hold much Happiness and Joy for you all!

Tina72

Last night, I went to my final group session of the Hanen Workshop "More Than Words" ( wonderfully presented by my fantastic Speech Therepist, Row!)  that I've been attending over the last 9 weeks. It made me feel a bit sad because, not only was it a great resource for parents wanting to learn more opportunities and strategies for opening up communication with their autistic child; but it was also wonderful in being in contact with other parents who understand what living with autism can be like.

I was amazed that, even though all our children were very different from each other and even different ages, we all shared the same experience and emotions that come with having an autistic child! It was such a blessing to share our stories and recieve nods, offers af advice and sometimes laughter. We all shared our grief or shock that we felt when our children were diagnosed. We shared our fear for whet the future would hold for our child and the rest of our families. We also shared our failuresand successes, our frustration and perserverance. But most beautiful of all we shared our great love for all of our children and our determination that we will do our utmost to provide them all with the ability to make their way in this world, whatever the challenges may be.

This lead me to the realisation that this web site is just the same! We share our stories, we supoort each other, advise one another and most of all we celebrate our children and families!

Thank you to the creators of Minti and also to the many parents who contribute to this wonderful site!

Tina.

It is such a beautiful day today in Tasmania - after all the rain and snow of the past week!

I am watching my kids playing on their slide and swings while Grant and I make plans for creating our garden and backyard ( after the excavators have left a huge scar in our property!)

It is a peaceful time. I time for much contemplation, but also a time of thanksgiving.

I an grateful for my Family, and also my animals. I am grateful that, even though I live so far away from my Dad and brothers, they still care about me and my Family! I give thanks for the sunshine, for the season of growth - no matter how much mowing it means we have to do!

I hope that everyone who reads this can find that place of sunshine in their lives, too!

Best wishes,

Tina.

I have been in Holland for over a decade now. It has become home. I have had time to catch my breath, to settle and adjust, to accept something different than what I'd planned. I reflect back on those years of past when I first landed in Holland. I remember clearly my shock, fear, my anger, the pain and uncertainty. In those first years, I tried to get back to Italy as planned, but Holland was where I was to stay. Today, I can see how far I have come on this unexpected journey. I have learned much more. But, this too has been a journey of time.

I worked hard. I bought new guidebooks. I learned a new language and I slowly found my way around this new land. Many have encouraged me. Many have taught me to open my eyes to the wonder and gifts to behold in this new land. I have discovered a community of caring. Holland wasn't so bad.

I think that Holland is used to wayward travelers like me and grew to become a land of hospitality, reaching out to welcome, to assist and to support newcomers like me in this new land. Over the years, I've wondered what life would have been like if I'd landed in Italy as planned.Would life be easier? Would it have been as rewarding? Would I have learned some of the important lessons that I hold today?

Sure, this journey has been more challenging and at times I would ( and still do ) stomp mu feet and cry out in frustration and protest. And, yes, Holland is slower paced than Italy and less flashy than Italy, but this too has been an unexpected gift. I have learned to slow down in ways too and look closer at things, with a new appreciation for the remarkable beauty of Holland with it's tulips, windmills and Rembrandts.

I have come to love Holland and call it home.  I have become a world traveler and discovered that it doesn't matter where you land. What's more important is what you make of your journey and how you see and enjoy the very special, the very lovely things, that Holland, or any land, has to offer.

Yes, over a decade ago I landed in a place I hadn't planned. Yet I am thankful - for this destination has been richer than I ever could have imagined!

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this:

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip -  to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting!

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, " Welcome to Holland."

" Holland!?" you say. " What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I am supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy!"

But there has been a change in the flight plan.They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you otherwise would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a  while and you catch your breath, you look around......and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills.... and Holland has tulips.And Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say " Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never,ever,ever go away..... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But.... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special,the very lovely things.... about Holland.

Having just had my son diagnosed with high functioning autism, I have been on a rollercoaster ride that does not seem to end! There is so much information that I need to take on and, although Im not a qualified professional, many different jobs that I have to learn to do, from occupational therapist, speech therapist to behaivoural psycologist!

All this while trying to make my other two children feel as though they are important as well! It is exhausting!