Okay, here's a quick question for ya: how do you tell the difference between a trainee doctor and a trainee nurse?  It's very simple.  Have blood drawn.  A trainee doctor will almost always certainly balls it up.

Yesterday was my 28 week checkup.  I have glucose and full bloods taken, along with my first Anti-D shot.  Usually, it's the intra-muscular stuff that hurts more.  Not so.

First jab, she missed the vein altogether, which meant that the midwife had to do it.  Which meant injecting again into a quicky-getting-sore spot, but at least the midwife did it.  Then the blood was being sluggish (gee, wonder why?) so they had to withdraw from that arm and jab the other one.  Fun.  This time she clamped my arm too tight and didn't release the tourniquet when she found the vein so each and every nanosecond was pain personified.

Tell you what, Miss Trainee Doctor.  A few things.

Number one: Get some bedside manner.  I was very obviously not in a comfortable position, being intensely phobic of syringes.  It's a good idea NOT to tell your patient victim when the needle's coming.  A 'sharp scratch' is a tattoo needle.  At least they have the common decency to take the bloody thing out of your skin as soon as they put it in.  Granted, repeatedly, but still... I was ready to 'sharp scratch' her.

Number two: Don't just stand there and expect the needle to inject itself.  Yes, you're in the vein (finally), try drawing the blood already!  Or, better yet, release the strap so my arm doesn't drop off.

Number three: When you've very obviously missed the vein entirely, don't move the needle around in the arm trying to find it!  The inside of my right elbow looks like the dregs of a heroin breakfast.  Veins are bruised.  Badly.

No, actually, we are not amused...

Apart from that, everything's alright.  Blood pressure's 110/60, Bub's heart rate is at 140bpm, 10 fingers, 10 toes.  Healthy as a horse.  Should be; all the food he makes me eat.

...Am I the only one?

Surely not.  Can't be!  Doesn't make sense.  Firstly, let me tell you a little bit about me.  I'm 27 years old, living with my partner and I'm 22 weeks and 5 days pregnant with my first child.  Sure, nothing odd there.  I felt the Quickening for the first time last week and just this evening I noticed fluid colostrum leaking from my nipples, rather than dried in the cracks.  Big changes.  Thing is, apart from the fact I know I'm pregnant it didn't feel like it up until recently.  Let me explain.

I must by far have the simplest pregnancy on record.  My morning sickness lasted only as long as it took me to find out I was expecting.  After that I ate heartily and regularly (I'm usually lactose intolerant but the boy loves his milk!), quit everything hazardous to my unborn's health and have been coasting ever since...  It's like it's the easiest, most natural thing in the world.

As far as I knew, or any of my doctors (specialists, lab geeks, the backfence gossip, whoever) knew, I was unable to have children.  Why, they couldn't tell me.  I put it down to suspected miscarriages and such, cried my eyes out for years and finally came to terms with my inadequacy.  Early the next year I meet the love of my life and three months later... surprise!  I'm pregnant.  But anyway, I digress.  I'm such a good waffler.

But yes, easiest gestation in history.  In my first trimester I suffered nothing but the mood swings and lethargy, so it was just like PMS with fangs.  Halfway through my second and I'm only just starting to feel slightly heavier.  It's harder to get off the couch and every hour I feel my boy kick at me, which is the most wonderous thing I've ever experienced.  Halfway through now, and apart from a couple of aches and stretchy pains from ligaments extending I'm right as rain.  No swelling of my feet or hands, no skin tags or stretch marks, no radical weight gain.  My nails are long and as strong as talons and my hair makes me look like I've stepped out of a beauty salon each and every day.  I hardly need to brush it anymore!  It's almost like I was born for this experience.

I feel so blessed to be allowed to have this gift.  Especially after being told that I was unable to.  After grieving the loss of the ability to be a mother I find I'm now on the road to it.  Each day is a new experience.  I find myself looking forward to when my son wakes up and boots at my insides!  I must be the biggest goof.  I'm sure all my child-free friends are sick of hearing about how wonderful this all makes me feel, so it's nice to be able to wax idiotical with all of you lucky people, so thankyou for listening...

Until next time.

Always,
T.