Had another night of very little sleep last night. I am glad it doesnt happen too often, otherwise I'd go crazy.

My partner has started full time work again, but its only for a few weeks, one of the up sides( and down sides) of livind on a tourist Island- the work is seasonal. In the Summer my partner works 6 days a week, but in the Winter he is lucky to get 2 days a week.

So from today onwards I get little Dragen all to myself in the evenings. I don;t mind looking after all by myself, its one of the things I have always known I'd have to do. I have never wanted to work once I had kids, Ive always wanted to be a stay- at- home mum.

Its 3 days untill my birthday and I still have no idea what I want to do.

Its my 18th and most 18ths I've been to have alot of booz and idiots. If I didn't have a baby mine would probably something like that too. But since I've had Dragen, I feel alot more grown up than all of my friends. I've noticed that when I try to talk to them now, they just all sound like a bunch of idiots. I cant really blame them, they have never been in the same situation as me.

I managed to get a really good sleep in this morning. It was great! Dragen only woke me up for a feed 3 times last night and I woke up at 11! I am feelinbg so much better than yesterday. On days like this I have no idea how I could get pissed off at Drage, He is sooo cute!

For as long as I can remember, I have told myself that I will never be like my mother.

She is the type of person that just doesn't care. When she had me, I was shipped off to whoever would take me. On the rare occation that I was in her care, she would get angry at me alot, for reasons I couldn't understand.

Now I live with my partner and speak to my mum about twice a week, but our relationship is no better. The only reason I have stayed in contact with her is because I am hoping that now she has a grandson, she might change.

This morning I woke up and felt myself acting like my mum. I knew I was doing it but I just couldn't stop.

My son Dragen had kept me awake since 5am. I was so tired and he just would not stop crying. I started to get so angry.

I am so glad that my partner is so supportive. If it wasn't for him this morning, I probably would have broken down. When he woke up, he just sat there and held me as I cryed.

I feel really bad for getting so angry at my son, he is only 23 days old and doesnt know anything else but to cry when he wants something. I love him so much and cant imagine my life without him now, but I need to get a little bit stonger.

I wiil not turn out like my mum.