Well...I had my weekend completely organised. Planned every detail. Was having a big family weekend, birthday party for my little tyke and some fun times planned for all...but that was not meant to be.

I got a phonecall on Thursday in the middle of the school run, that my 47 year old aunt had taken a bad turn and the dotor had given her a few hours to live. The priest was called and my uncle was trying to round up as many of the family as he could. She had been battling breast cancer for the past 5 years, and although she had had her breast removed and contless rounds of treatments she still put a smily face on her illness and none of us had realised how bad she was...maybe she didn't realise herself!

The whole weekend was spent with family. We had a good old wake for her and a beautiful service for her on Sunday and if you were a robot you would have cried when you heard some of the messages she had asked her friends to pass on to her children and husband. It was such an intensely sad experience to hear words of comfort coming from a mother to her children and made me realise that as a mother we are always thinking of our children-even from beyond...It was probably the last thing to leave her.

I was so saddened that while I was busy organising and scheming here to have all the family around, she too had been planning, but for her own funeral! Do we ever really know what is happening in other peoples homes? Even in those that we love the most?? And while we plan and scheme is there a bigger plan already in place for us?

I have decided to go against my nature and try to take each day as it comes and remember what a gift it is.

Rather than planning to do things tommorrow to take more action today!

I think we all need to do the same, we never know what's around the corner...XXX

What a great day!!! Rained all day so we stayed inside and had a Toy Story Themed Day!! So cute and tonnes of fun! We dressed up (well, just the boys) in the costumes, acted out scenes from the movie, ate a space man lunch...this was just star shaped pizza but they loved it!! Watched the Toy Story dvd in the p.m and had spaceman and cowboy bedtime stories...was great fun...I'm exhausted but so happy tonight!!! Woody and Buzz are snoring...

I made a deal with myself. 1st Feb was my new new year! A little do-over, as January was such a wash-out! I have never had such a bad month in my life...bad news...stress...sickness...stress...sleepless nights...croop...stress...I could go on! I was so demoralised as a parent that I needed a do-over.  I am now happy to report new new year is fantastic!!

My little son, Leo's 2nd birthday was on 1st so we started out on a positive anyway.  I sat down, on Thurs nite,( new new years eve) and wrote down everything I want to do but feel I haven't time to do...and made a list of all our friends that I miss but haven't time to see, and i am no systematically working through my lists! I am giving myself a daily goal and a weekly aim and I feel so much happier and organised and suddenly I have energy and enthusiasm again.

I know it's just all positive thinking, but sometimes that's the hardest thing to summon up. I have also realised that I need to ask for help, I have kind of been waiting for it to be offered, with no success! So, I have admitted that i am not in fact super-mom, I am only a close second! and asked for some babysitting and some free time and also signed up with minti to broaden my support system and have another source of advice to pull from.

The new new year is looking good...now I need to think of a system to beat the January blues in advance for next year...

XXX