Well another week closer to Christmas and Im starting to feel a bit happier about the whole thing. Yesterday I went and spent some of my Christmas bonus and bought our family a gorgeous new BBQ. I have been wanting to get one for quite a while and thought now was the time. It was a funny day yesterday. We had decided to go to the new White Water World that has just opened on the Gold Coast. I got up early and packed us all a yummy picnic lunch and we all piled into the car and got going. By the time we got to the water park it was quite grey and overcast so we decided to leave it for another brighter day. We continued down the coast and got as far as Southport before the baby sitting on my bladder made it really difficult to keep going so we pulled in at a Maccas so me and my daughter could go for a quick toilet break. When we came out we decided that it was now time for lunch. So there we were sitting outside Maccas eating our yummy picnic in the car...musta looked really strange. Anyway we got going again and by this time my son had fallen asleep. We were going to stop again at Dreamworld and Matt and Jade were gonna go on the rides while Josh and I watched. Then we realised that both of them had thongs on and Jade had long pants on so she would be really hot. It ended up that we drove home. Josh looked quite bemused when we got home - after all he had slept thru the whole thing. I decided that I was going to clean out our outdoor area - and boy doe sit look good now. Then Matt came out and I mentioned a BBQ would be good out here.Next thing I know we are at the shops checkiing out BBQ's. So not all was lost. My in-laws came over for dinner to christen it. I made lots of salads and garlic bread and felt really good. It was a really good family moment.

I am having a bit of a downer day today. Had a bit of a rough night with husband. He was in the foulest of moods so I had to work hard to keep the children out of his way - and suceeded I think. My mother in law phoned this morning to see what I wanted for Christmas. I told her nothing - coz i really dont feel like I can do Christmas this year. What I should be asking santa for is a bit of sanity and calm in our household. I am quite happy to do the whole biz for my babies but for me I just really dont want to face it. Sounds very scrooge like doesnt it.

things have been a bit busy for the past week. I have been trying to keep everyone happy - making sure the kids are ok and feelingok withour dad at home. On a positive note my husband and I have decided to try counselling to try and sort our issues out and maybe lead us to a better life together. We had our first session last week and it went suprisingly well. We had a really bad start to the week with hubby not understanding why he wasnt allowed home. It was so hard to try and keep to my decision and not run outside and cuddle him. He was sitting on the driveway for about an hour crying before he finally went home. But it got better and he is moving back in with us today and over the rest of the week. The kids are ecstatic! Josh now runs around the house yelling out daddy and Jade is just full of kisses and cuddles for him. I feel there is stillan awful lot to sort out but this weekend I actually felt like it was possible to fix this and be the family I so desperately want to be. Cross fingers...Our next counselling is on the 18th so I hope this one goes as well as the first.