Today I am just so bloody tired its not funny. I am feeling really emotional too - just burst into tears at work..not a good look. Sleep is something I am really craving at the moment but seems to be quite elusive. Josh must be having a growth spurt I think coz the last 2 nights he has woken up for a bottle so that hasnt helped with sleep. Im getting a bit annoyed with Matt coz I asked him last week to maybe help me around the house a bit. We usually work it so that that one person does bathing of the the kiddies and the other does dishes. Last night he said he wanted to do dishes but then they were still there this morning. Admitedly he did do them first thing this morning so I guess i just have to stop being so anal about it all and let it happen. I have a workmate that is really giving me stress too. He argues with the boss all the time - its a daily occurance - and is just generally unpleasant to be around. He is a smoker so he smells like old ciggies and farts really smelly ones while sitting at his desk - which is right next to mine. he is just one of these really arrogant people who never seem to be able to communicate with anyone unless its to tell them an opinion. Grrr...bring on the maternity leave.

Went and met with my midwife last week and came away feeling a little apprehensive. She seems to think that because I had such a big baby before (Josh was almost 11 pounds and natural birth) that it could have been due to undiagnosed gestational diabetes. I am going for a test on the 8th of March to check itout. I got a printout of what it all means and its a bit scary. Half of me is kinda wishing that it is so I wont have such a big baby this time round but the other part of me is wishing that it is just a genetic thing to have a big baby. Time will tell and until then I just have to be careful what I am eating hey. baby is good - we were tossing around baby names yesterday but still nothing concrete yet.

Last night as I was giving Joshie his dinner he suddenly started choking on a piece of food. I went into absolute meltdown and totally freaked out - probably not the best course of action to take hey. But it made me think - I really dont know much about first aid and CPR etc. It has inspired me to book in and do a first aid course. My sister in law is doing one for her blue card so I have asked her to get the details for me so I can book in myself. It really scared me last night. It must have only been a few seconds but it felt like hours that he was choking like that and I just felt so helpless. I also felt very guilty - about what Im not sure coz I know that accidents like this can happen. After it was all over and Josh was sitting very happily on the couch with daddy I just burst into tears...I guess the thoughts going thru my head were along the lines of 'what if...'. I felt like I had come close to losing my beautiful little boy. A bit melodramtic I know but thats how I felt and it just felt so bad. I feel all teary now jus thinking about it To anyone in the same situation as me...think very seriously about doing a first aid course. I plan on being much better prepared should this ever happen again.

Well its Joshie's 2nd birthday on Sunday. Gosh time flies when youre having fun hey?? We are having a family gathering Saturday evening. A BBQ with the rellies...should be nice. Josh is really into cupcakes at the moment so I thought to make a heap of them and make them into like a little snaky. I can just imagine him yelling out "nake, nake". I have found a really yummy recipe that has no egg - my M.I.L is allergic to egg so that should score me a few brownie points hey!! We bought all his pressies last weekend so all I have to do is make the cakes and a few salads to go with the BBQ - easy peezy!! Still there is the housework to do - gotta make sure our little hovel is presentable hey!! Still I'm getting to the point in this pregnancy where my tummy is becoming a bit of a hinderance - I cant get as close to the kitchen bench as Id like...well you can imagine. Happy birthday to my gorgeous little Joshie-monster.

Well we have had our second counselling session and it wasnt pleasant. It seems that dear hubby is not willing to compromise on anything. We talked about the gambling thing first and my compromise was that he could still do it as long as it was managed. For example not going gambling with credit cards or ATM cards in his pocket. Going in there with $50 and leaving when it was finished no matter how long it took - 2 minutes or 2 hours. I thought that was being reasonable. But when it came to the other issues - like letting me know if he was going to be late or if he was going out just to leav eme a note saying he has goneout for a while - back later etc...You know the things that most people take for courtesy. He says I am being controlling and he won't be controlled. Im not sure how things are going to pan out but I am just concentrating on being pregnant and loving my 2 little ones I already have. If it does end up that we go our seperate ways I know it will be hard but I guess we just gotta do whats right hey?? We go back for another session on the 21st. I guess its still early days yet and maybe this can be fixed...time will tell. Have a great weekend everyone.