Well, it's been another few months since I last added to my blog.

I seperated from my husband on Valentine's day this year. After nearly fiteen years, it has broken my heart and I'm spinning wildly between hate, affection, frustration and all the other emotions that one goes through after spending so much time with the one person.

He helped me bring up my son - not to my 'standards' I guess, but I guess he did his best.

Thing is, he first tried to have me committed for insanity and then, when that failed, he tried to do the same to my son (a few days prior to him turning 16). So much for the sweetie that I have raved about before!!!

Now I find that he's seeking my approval for what he's doing - he moved to Brisbane with my son, leaving me with our 21mo daughter in Sydney. He rings and asks if I think he's doing the right thing about certain subjects and I find that, once off the phone to him, I'm having a panic attack bought on by the phone call. Yes, a real, heart pounding panic attack.

Time is said to heal all wounds. He tells me that he is not poisioning my son's mind against me yet I find that incredibly difficult to believe, especially considering some of the emails I received soon after I left the country house we were living in and returned to my mum in Sydney. Part of him is kind and genuine yet he is also an evil, nasty piece of work. Men - I never want to have anything to do with one again!!!

Keeping in contact with both my husband and son as I don't want to lose my son but gee it takes its toll on my health. I used to weigh around 56kg and now weigh a less than respectable 44kg. I was nearly 40kg when I returned to Sydney so I guess it's getting better. Stress does that to me whilst I'm aware that other people turn to food for comfort.

Oh well, off my chest now (what little there is of that left ...).

No intentions of divorce - not a believer in divorce due to family issues that date back to my grandparents days (I have/had thirteen grandparents due to that lovely piece of legislation that allows marriage to be so easily dissolved). Happy to have any 'man' out there believe I am married and, therefore, unavailable.

If anyone wants to introduce me to a lovely old man who is incapable of sex yet wants someone to look after him in his old age and leave me his inheritance of millions, I'd love to meet him (hahaha). Anna Nicole, I almost feel like you must have felt some days ... sad, but true.

Anyway, thanks for a wonderful community where I can forget my own woes and join in on the lives of others from a distance.

Seriously though, if anyone lives in the Hornsby area (I do not drive due to a car accident long ago in 1998) and wants to get in touch so that our littlies can have some fun and socialisation together, do not hesitate to get in contact with me. I am open to meeting other mothers, married, single or otherwise. I think I am a genuinely nice person and truly want what is best for my daughter.

In the meantime, we go to the Hornsby Baptist Church playgroup on a Monday morning during term time. If anyone recognises this group, please let me know as I'd love to meet someone local who also enjoys having coffee and a good laugh.

My heroes on this forum include milko-fats (a truly generous soul) and I love to write to people about just about any subject. Penpals (or whatever the email equivalent of that word is) would be nice to have whilst I silently try to get my head around this whole deal.

I miss my chickens, my veggie garden and my animals and, most especially, my dear son, Jesse.