WOW!!!

Just found myself the star of pic of the week!

Showed my daughter and she giggled and seemed fascinated that the huge belly was actually her. Not sure how much she understood, but definitely worth a laugh to see mum and her big fat belly.

Thanks Minti - you've made my day.

I think I've confused some people about where I live. Let me fill you in:

I tend to move around a lot - this has been something that I've done / has happened to me since I was a very young child. In fact, I probably average around two years in any one location. My timeline going backwards is thus :

• currently living in Hornsby (Sydney) - since March 2009
• Cumnock (north-west NSW) - nearly six months
• Berowra (Sydney) - nearly two years
• Armidale (northern NSW) - approx one year
• Berowra (Sydney) - about four years
• Wauchope (mid-north Coast, NSW) - two years
• Adelaide (the Hills district) - nearly a year
• Adelaide (the Plains district) - six months
• Crows Nest (Sydney) - about six months
• Hornsby (Sydney) - about a year
• No fixed abode - travelling between Sydney and Murwillumbah (very north-coast NSW) for six or seven years
• Cremorne (Sydney) - about eighteen months
• London (England) - approx nine to ten months
• Normanhurst (Sydney) - five or so years
• Roseville (Sydney) - around four years
• Ngaio (Wellington, New Zealand) - approx nine months
• Seacliff or thereabouts (Adelaide, South Australia) - three or so years
• Brighton or thereabouts (Adelaide, South Australia) - I guess around two years
• Mascot (Sydney, NSW) - less than a year, I think
• Ngaio (Wellington, New Zealand) - Birthplace

As you can probably imagine, I've not had the most stable of lives moving around so much and I wonder if this pattern will ever change, whether I'll ever manage to settle down or whether I'm destined to be transient for the rest of my life. For the sake of my little girl, I hope desperately to find somewhere I can settle down so that she does not have to endure the instability, loss of friendship, inability to sustain relationships, etc, that appears to have happened to me.

(Mmmmm, just as I thought - I counted the above list and I was right in my guess that I average about two years anywhere.)

I am currently awaiting government housing (I've been told that this could take up to ten years) and have applied for priority housing on various grounds including the fact that I am on a disability pension and cannot afford rental accommodation. My current rental accommodation is heavily subsidised by my mother who is 69 years of age and still working full-time. Not ideal if they decide against my application for priority as I could not ask mum to support me indefinitely and she has gently indicated that I have up to six months to get something more affordable without the need for further financial support. My father has decided to ignore me since the breakup of my marriage and so, at the ripe old age of 42, I wonder if I will be facing homelessness in the not too distant future - distressing to say the least.

Anyway, if life is what we make it, I'll have to start making something of it very soon so that Jasmine will not suffer unnecessarily - it's not her fault that her mum is incapable of working (reasons not for public consumption) and I will endeavour to do whatever I can to safeguard her future.

My name is Kelly - this is my life.

Well, it's been another few months since I last added to my blog.

I seperated from my husband on Valentine's day this year. After nearly fiteen years, it has broken my heart and I'm spinning wildly between hate, affection, frustration and all the other emotions that one goes through after spending so much time with the one person.

He helped me bring up my son - not to my 'standards' I guess, but I guess he did his best.

Thing is, he first tried to have me committed for insanity and then, when that failed, he tried to do the same to my son (a few days prior to him turning 16). So much for the sweetie that I have raved about before!!!

Now I find that he's seeking my approval for what he's doing - he moved to Brisbane with my son, leaving me with our 21mo daughter in Sydney. He rings and asks if I think he's doing the right thing about certain subjects and I find that, once off the phone to him, I'm having a panic attack bought on by the phone call. Yes, a real, heart pounding panic attack.

Time is said to heal all wounds. He tells me that he is not poisioning my son's mind against me yet I find that incredibly difficult to believe, especially considering some of the emails I received soon after I left the country house we were living in and returned to my mum in Sydney. Part of him is kind and genuine yet he is also an evil, nasty piece of work. Men - I never want to have anything to do with one again!!!

Keeping in contact with both my husband and son as I don't want to lose my son but gee it takes its toll on my health. I used to weigh around 56kg and now weigh a less than respectable 44kg. I was nearly 40kg when I returned to Sydney so I guess it's getting better. Stress does that to me whilst I'm aware that other people turn to food for comfort.

Oh well, off my chest now (what little there is of that left ...).

No intentions of divorce - not a believer in divorce due to family issues that date back to my grandparents days (I have/had thirteen grandparents due to that lovely piece of legislation that allows marriage to be so easily dissolved). Happy to have any 'man' out there believe I am married and, therefore, unavailable.

If anyone wants to introduce me to a lovely old man who is incapable of sex yet wants someone to look after him in his old age and leave me his inheritance of millions, I'd love to meet him (hahaha). Anna Nicole, I almost feel like you must have felt some days ... sad, but true.

Anyway, thanks for a wonderful community where I can forget my own woes and join in on the lives of others from a distance.

Seriously though, if anyone lives in the Hornsby area (I do not drive due to a car accident long ago in 1998) and wants to get in touch so that our littlies can have some fun and socialisation together, do not hesitate to get in contact with me. I am open to meeting other mothers, married, single or otherwise. I think I am a genuinely nice person and truly want what is best for my daughter.

In the meantime, we go to the Hornsby Baptist Church playgroup on a Monday morning during term time. If anyone recognises this group, please let me know as I'd love to meet someone local who also enjoys having coffee and a good laugh.

My heroes on this forum include milko-fats (a truly generous soul) and I love to write to people about just about any subject. Penpals (or whatever the email equivalent of that word is) would be nice to have whilst I silently try to get my head around this whole deal.

I miss my chickens, my veggie garden and my animals and, most especially, my dear son, Jesse.