Kids are wonderfully manipulative little creatures, as anyone who has dealt with them will know, but some parents will say “Oh, he’s only 2 and doesn’t understand”.  Amazingly, most children of regular intelligence DO understand from around 18 months, but the more they get away with,

the bigger their behaviour problems will become.

 

I have a method that works a treat with almost all children from about the age of 18mths-2 years onwards.

It works, I think, because it is non-violent, parents don’t have to raise their voices or get upset and it teaches the children that their actions have consequences for which they have to learn to be responsible.  It shows them that they have control over their behaviour, and that losing control will only affect them – “Hang on, I am not getting the attention from screaming upset Mummy that I like”

 

In a calm moment, sit them down and talk about the behaviour you are not happy with.  Tell them that the next time they do whatever it is (biting, hitting, kicking, screaming, etc) you are going to take away their favourite toy and place it on top of a high cupboard or the fridge – where they can see it but cannot access it.

Say “Biting (or whatever the behaviour is) is not nice, and you can’t do that to people.  Next time you do, Mummy is going to put your (state the item) up on that cupboard/fridge.  I will give it back when you can not bite for (state length of time – say, waking until lunch time or all day for an older child).  Do you understand?”  If they are old enough, then ask them to repeat in their own words what you have said.

 

Tell them that once a toy is up there they will not be allowed to have it back until they earn it by not displaying this behaviour.  If you have an older child then consider conspiring with him or her and doing a bit of role play so the sequence is seen by the younger one.

 

Next time they exhibit the behaviour you are trying to retrain, follow through!  No warnings – just do it!   If they act up several times a day, then take several toys.  If they have siblings, they will subliminally realise that the one who is not misbehaving does not lose their toys.

 

It may take a couple of weeks, but it really does work – especially once they see how easy it is to earn back a favourite toy and what not to do if they don’t want to lose it in the first place!

I would love feedback from anyone who reads and tries this, if you don't mind taking the time to drop me a message.  Thanks.