Abi wanted a dog, not just any dog mind you, a skinny, flea infested, quivering wreck of a dog, the size of a small donkey, from the local dogs home. 

I agreed.  It was such a simple, if emotive, idea. We will give an abused and forgotten gentle

creature a home. We will care for it and nurture it and be rewarded by its unconditional devotion, love and companionship.

Claude, an ex racer, came to our family, cowed, beaten and with a broken spirit, eyes permanently downward, afraid of everything and everyone. He'd never lived with a family before, never been inside a house, so on entering our small abode he shook with fear and peed all over the cream carpet, and the rug, and the kitchen floor.

As the weeks passed a playful personality began to emerge, along with a doggy paunch (well, have you seen how pleading a greyhound can look?). He began to enjoy walks, greeted other dogs with interest and became less terrified of our 3 bad tempered cats. The peeing, however, continued. The Husband developed a maniacal cleaning regime, and was more often than not found on all fours scrubbing at the decidedly off-cream carpet and muttering dire threats. We needed a solution.

The laminate flooring arrived some 6 months after Claude, clean, shiny, non-smelly, the perfect answer - until Claude spotted it. Have you ever seen
Bambie? Now imagine something a lot larger, with enough phobias to keep a dog therapist in ginger biscuits for life, placing one tentative paw onto this
strange, slippy surface. As he skidded across the lounge, scattering cats and children in his wake, a trail of pee spraying behind him, it occurred to me that
maybe I should have thought this idea out a little more!

Come visit us, we have a beautiful house, fully laminated, with strategically placed mats as stepping stones for our dysfunctional dog. Just been on ebay,
dog boots are on order, I'll let you know!