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  4.49 (Worth a try) from 49 votes (2814 Visits) |
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Judge Not, Lest You Be Judged |
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by rusha  (August 2006) (rank 148th) |
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My son started to eat solid foods when he was just a little over 4 months old. When he went for his shots, the doctor looked at him and decided he needed to eat more. He was physically ready, not to mention the fact that he was extremely underweight.
I went home and told my husband, and he agreed that we should follow the doctor's advice, and give our son some solid food. So we added a little bit of cereal to his bottle, bit by bit. A few weeks later, when we were visiting my parents, we moved the cereal to a bowl and fed him with a spoon...which he gratefully accepted. He tried some carrots, and loved them. After we returned home, we tried different fruits and vegetables, mixing them in with his cereal. Not too long after that, we started to move away from that and feed him everything separately. He was enthusiastic!
Now, five months later our son has grown to be a healthy, hefty, bustling little boy. He is happier, he is enjoying his surrounding, and loves to explore. Our son is not the problem. It's everyone else.
Whenever someone hears that our son was fed solid foods before the six month regimented period, I get a lecture. It doesn't matter who it is from. It could be from complete strangers, a public health nurse, a prenatal/postnatal instructor, a dietician available through the internet. I am the one who is reprimanded for giving my son anything other than breast milk prior to his six month birthdate mark.
From a registered dietician, compliments of youngnutrition.net, via an instant message on site: "According to the recommendations of the World Health Organization (WHO) babies should be exclusively breast fed for the first six months and complementary foods (solid foods) introduced to their diet after six months of age."
Interesting how they only mentioned breastmilk, and did not mention infant fortified formula, which our son has been using since he was just 3 months, solely because I ran out of breastmilk due to medical problems. Regardless, this is what I have been hearing for what seems like forever.
Everyone says breast is best...but how would they know? Even the WHO is making a generalized suggestion. They have never met our son, nor did they see what he was like when he was only 10 lbs. at 4 months old (having been born at 9 lbs. 12 oz.), so what authority do they have to tell me I am wrong? Why do I have to feel guilty, like the bad one, when all I am trying to do is the best thing for MY son?
I was reading an article by Ayelet Waldman that was linked from a forum that I belong to. I was very relieved to read this: What is it about parenting that allows us to indulge our inner scold? Normally most of us don't feel particularly threatened about the choices other people make. You live in a split-level ranch, I live in a Craftsman bungalow. I might like my house more than yours -- I might even tell a friend I think your house is ugly -- but I'd never stop you on the street and tell you to do something about your aluminum siding. Sure each issue (even architecture) has its fanatics, but parenting seems to have more, and they're more vocal than most. Perhaps it's because there is so much at stake. Another parent's different approach raises the possibility that you've made a mistake with your child. We simply can't tolerate that because we fear that any mistake, no matter how minor, could have devastating consequences. So we proclaim the superiority of our own choices. We've lost sight of the fact that people have preferences. There is little I do as a mother that can't be criticized, not least by myself. Parenting is incredibly hard work, even without having to look over your shoulder to make sure you're doing it the way the neighbors (actual and cyber) think you should. Let's all commit ourselves to the basic civility of minding our own business. Failing that, let's just go back to a time when we were nasty and judgmental, but only behind one another's backs. Enough of the complacent confrontation. Enough of the scolding."
AMEN! I have decided that I should not and DO NOT feel guilty for bottle feeding my son. I do not feel guilty for using disposable diapers. I do not feel guilty for his circumcision. I do not feel guilty for feeding him solid foods before the recommended time, nor do I feel guilty for feeding him store bought food, instead of homemade. Although I did make him homemade baby food this morning, I can't say whether or not I will do it again.
I DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! I love my son, and I am doing the best that I can to be the best mother to him. My choices are just that -- mine. If you don't like them, save your ideas for your own children. And if you've already had your children, I'm sorry...it's too late.
JUDGE ME NOT!
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| ADVICE RATING |
4.49 (Worth a try) from 49 votes |
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Re: Judge Not, Lest You Be Judged
You are not solving the overall problem which you seem to think you have!
First, you decided to do what you did for reasons which you embraced and used to define your decision!
Second, you found no reason to alter your choice, which is good, fine and to be applauded!
There fore, you CAN BE JUDGED and asking others not to judge you is ludicrous because it does nothing to add to the understanding, EXCEPT shield you from criticism!
'Judge not, lest you be judged' has nothing to do with this. That passage does not deny a Christian [or anyone else] from judging, It sets up the premise for the judgment, i.e. that if one judges, then one should have the courage to be judged as well!
You have carefully delineated your position and you must be proud of it [or are you?]! If you are, then why is it hard to accept the judgment of others?
You have completely shifted the focus to the negative of being offended from the position of strength or the positive.
Look forward to people's judgments, they allow you to refine your own!
Don't get bogged down with you JUDGING OTHERS about whether THEY have the right to judge you!
Remember also, that if people agree with you they TOO ARE JUDGING YOU just as people who refuse to comment are judging with passive assent or dissent! Personally I would rather have active participation in judgment, because, THEN I can respond!
Good luck and never use the Bible to shield you from another's participation in YOUR life! Use it to instruct on how to respond to others!
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My Oh My
yes your deffinately right, i think whenever things like this are brought up there are always gonna be debates, i think these sort of topics should perhaps be avoided unless everone is gonna be comfortable with the responses, i as one am not bothered, but have voiced my opinion anyways as i thought it sounded like the lady who wrote this artical was wanting to change scientific fact lol, but thats cool, dosn't matter really does it lol, it sounds to me more like maybie they need to start a bottle feeding support group, as i know that there is a breastfeeding support group, perhaps this would help as parents need support in whatever parenting choices they make, and i think this is were all this stuff is steming from, lack of support for bottle feeding mums so someone orta start a group
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sorry
sorry but i have a different opinion when it comes to breastfeading, they do know breast is best as it is the perfect milk, we cannot make a formula to match, as we don't even know how to create alot of the secret goodies there are in breastmilk, yes babys are always fatter on the bottle because of all the fats in it but are not healthier, i know that some people cannot breastfeed but i know alot who just bottle feed becase it is easier, and of cause mums who bottle feed are gonna say whats the difference, as they don't want to feel like they have failed there baby but maybie they should just say nothing, as they will never be right about the fact that breast is best!, i breastfed all of mine and it was difficult at times and still is , you get more tired and you don't have the convenience of leaving your baby with someone else or your partner and bottle fead babys sleep longer and you need to make sure you eat well and keep up with your water intake ect but i breastfeed because i like the bonding and i know my baby is getting the best nutrients i can give her, when i was 8 months pregnant another preganant mum asked me if i was gonna breastfeed as she was haveing her fourth and said shes not going to as it s easier to use the bottle, well i responded saying "its not a matter of what is easier its a matter of what is best for my baby" and i was about to have my 6th and i don't think that is an exuse to bottle feed, i am not hac=veing a go at mums who bottle fead i'm just stateing that bottle is best so don't knock it as we wouldn't produce milk if this wasn't the case lol
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breast vs bottle
there is a group for these discussions but i know you nor i will lose our head with this because you are what i consider a good friend...
oh dear thats twice in three days i've put my foot it it with you hey samantha... you do get why rhiannon is bottle fed though hey? and a bottle fed baby can bond with mum the same way daddy does, i do baby massage with her and lotsa cuddles and play time (she says mum now it's soo cute)... they dont miss out on that bonding just because they are bottle fed. Also, from the way i see it, breast feeding is easier, (if it works) there is no middle of the night spills, no sterilising and scrubing, no where near as much reflux as a result of feeding and is ready whenever it's needed, (there is no 10 min of screaming before you get the boob ready because you have spilt half it's contents on the bench and need to measure it again at 3 in the morning) so you are right that is no excuse, because it isn't true lol... the best thing about breast feeding is the antibodies and everyone knows that, but formula is getting better all the time (there is actually more iron in formula than in breastmilk-which is why bottle fed babies grow faster, another reason why i bottle fed her was because i am serverly anemic, i passed out a few times when i was breast feeding logan because the little iron that i had was going to him) and becides, it is a pretty good subsitute to the breast and although your statement of "it's best for my baby" is true from a nutritional stand point, if breastfeeding isn't working, and mum is set on sticking to that philosphy, pnd can set in real quick and that can't be good for anyone, mum or baby.
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breast vs bottle
oh no, i don't have anything against mums who bottle fead, one of my best friends bottle fead all her children but i don't hold it against her, don't be silly lol, i was just putting my opinion in which is that breast is best and that is my opinion and why i do it, thats all, everyone has different opinions and i'm sorry but your not gonna convince me that bottle fead babys grow better cause thats not true they are just fatter, everyone knows that, and yeh i guess you get that small percent of the population of mums who do not nurse enough and use drugs and drink alcohol but it would be very small cause they would just stick there kids on the bottle and straight into day care or whatever anyway, there is so much data to prove that breadstmilk is superiour that why bother debateing about it, its just silly, anyway bottle feeding is your choice, and breastfeeding is my choice, in the long run breastfeeding has made parentig easier on me as my babys never get sick (colds or anything like that, which is another reason i do it)but once again breastfeeding is MY choice and i will stand by it and i am not putting anyone down, i'm just stateing the facts thats all, sorry i hope this hasn't caused any bad feelings between us as i think your a great person and mother thats for sure, your litttle boy is such a great kid, so happy and friendly you have done a really great job, you must be real proud
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breast vs bottle
no worries, yer that is another good thing about breast feeding, logan didn't get sick for the whole time i fed him, but rhiannon has had two colds already, big difference, i wish i could have overcome my fears of the pain thing and breast fead rhiannon for the first few months because i do know that it is better for her, and i probably could have coped with it for a month or so (i definatly wasn't trying to say that bottle is better) guess i was just a wimp lol... oh did i say better, i ment faster and that is also proven because of those iron levels they can make more red blood cells with it and concequently can get more oxygen to everything which gets them to grow quicker... that is the best point for formula, just like the live antibodies are the best thing about breastmilk... my original post was about the judgment thing and that awful saying that is slamed down on mothers who bottle feed by everyone that they come across (shouda seen the looks i used to get when i went into the mothers room to feed rhiannon when she was rully lil)... good to know you are not one of 'em...just wanted you and anyone else out there, to understand that somtimes the choice wether or not to breast feed is skewed by other factors and at the time some of us don't really have the luxury of that choice.
ps: yas tha coolest buddy, good luck if you think you is gonna get rid of me that easy hehehe!!
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