We relocated to Australia when my daughter Alana was one. Because the relocation was for the purpose of my studies, I knew it from the start that I was going to have to place her at a childcare. It always is a hard decision when you think who can you
trust that much that you can hand your child over to them even if its for a few hours. It took me quite a while to get myself used to the idea that no matter how hard it would be for both of us, I would be leaving her with other people for a period of time each day and it would not mentally scar her.
Finding a place at a centre you want to send your baby to is really hard, but we managed to get it. I remember, I couldn’t sleep for two weeks prior to the day she started childcare. It was the same time that many children were starting school and there was a lot of talk about how parents should handle it and I was thinking it’s the same thing, whether you are sending your child to school or the childcare for the first time. I think its harder for the childcare parents because they are younger and they are there for longer hours, they need to be fed, changed, put to sleep during that time.
When I placed Alana at Childcare, she was one and a half, wasn’t eating any solids, just breast milk, the relocation and looking for a permanent accommodation had made her so insecure, that she wouldn’t let go of me and breastfeeding was the only form of comfort and reassurance that she could relate back to her life before the relocation. She would also sleep with me, during the day, I would have to put her to sleep by carrying her in my arms and patting her back, she wouldn’t let go of me even in her sleep. She loves kids, so I knew that she would be ok at childcare interms of getting along with other kids and playing, but what drove me nuts, was the thought of what she would do when it came to eating and sleeping. She would starve, stay awake and be crying helplessly and this kept me awake night after night. I left her there, cried all the way back to uni, couldn’t do any thing all day, kept ringing them at the centre to know what she was doing and after 3 hours, when I went to pick her up, she was sitting with one of her carers, so tired, upset, she didn’t even realize I was there to pick her up. I just stood there didn’t have any strength left in my arms or legs to move or to pick her up, felt like crying aloud, but couldn’t, the world just stopped for me then and there. I picked her up, carried her all the way, even forgot to bring her stroller with me, got onto a tram, tears running down my face as I held her tight in my arms. She breastfed all the way and fell asleep. Its been almost 9 months now, but I still can’t forget that moment.
Given today’s challenges of being a successful (!) woman, many of us are faced with the decision to place their precious ones at other people’s care, the best way to deal with this inevitable (if it is!) is to
(a) make sure you find the place and the people you can feel absolutely confident and comfortable leaving your child with
(b) during the first few days, make the days shorter
(c) don’t go on calling every hour to check up on your child
(d) remind yourself over and over again that no matter how hard it might be now, it will get better, they will settle and a day would come when you go to pick them up and they haven’t finished their play and are asking to stay a bit longer!
(e) your child actually learns a lot of things faster in the company of peers than they would staying with you at home
(f) staying away from each other for a few hours each day, actually makes you appreciate more the time you have together and thus allowing you both to spend quality time
I wish we never had to do it but the way the world is and fast becoming, we often have no choice……..so instead of doing it while feeling bad, do it with less guilt, good for both of you!!
(November 19th) (
Also, by making that sacrifice now, you have ensured a better future for both of you and sometimes the long term gain far outweighs the short term sacrifice!!
