My infertility experience

I married when I was 21.  My husband and I had already bought our first home.  I had finished my nursing degree and had a year of post graduate work experience and decided that the time was right to start a family.

I thought it would happen in about 3 to 6 months.  I was wrong.

I wondered why- I was young, fit, ate well and was in a healthy weight range.  My own mum conceived first time both times, so if family history was anything to go by, it should have been easy.

I had been preparing myself for motherhood since I can remember.  I always knew I was going to be a mum, so I watched every parenting show, current affairs with parenting topics, read magazine articles and looked at websites, to teach myself how to be a mum.

The naturopath

Having been on the pill since I was 17, I didn’t know what my monthly cycles would be like.  Unfortunately, my cycles were not regular.  I had cycles that were up to 45 days long.  I had no idea when I was ovulating (as ovulation occurs 14 days before a period, and I didn’t know when to expect mine).  I knew this was a problem, but I also knew that a conventional doctor was not going to treat me for infertility until we had been trying for at least 12 months.  So after 10 months of trying, I saw a naturopath.  She recommended changing my diet (which I found impossible to do as a shift worker) and gave me a disgusting concoction to drink 3 times a day, as well as recommending some vitamins and mineral supplements.  I drank her potions and took the tablets and hoped that it would work.

The best thing the naturopath gave me was a Maybe Baby ovulation detector.  About the size of a lipstick, I would put some saliva on it, and if crystals formed, it was time to try.

I started charting my basal body temperature every day before I got out of bed, and noted every time we had sex, as well as the changes in my cervical mucus (gross hey!).  It was all beginning to get very clinical.

The Gyno

After 12 months I saw my GP, who referred me to a gynecologist.  Without doing any tests and with minimal questions, she decided that I should be treated for PCOS (polycystic ovaries) with metformin.  I spent a few wasted months on metformin and was not at all happy with this drs management of me.  So I got a referral to another gyno. 

He did a vaginal ultrasound on my first visit, and found that I had one mildly polycystic ovary, but nothing that would stop me getting pregnant.  He took me off the metformin immediately.   I continued charting.

Sex was becoming a chore.  At times the pressure was too much for my husband.

He was tested, and found to have ‘suboptimal sperm’.  Eventually I had investigative surgery (laproscopic hysteroscopy) and was cleared of any problems.  Between us, there was nothing to stop us from getting pregnant.

Work

I decided to change wards, as I was working in the paediatric oncology department and could not handle any chemo, or chemo wastes due to the risk to the baby if I were to get pregnant.  So everyone had to know that I was trying.  Meanwhile, everyone else around me seemed to be getting pregnant.  “congratulations” I would say, through gritted teeth.  I secretly hated every pregnant woman around me.  After changing to the medical ward,  I would see all these parents who were oblivious to the fact that they were harming their children- smoking parents in with their asthmatic and bronchiolitic children admitted to the ward.  Kids in the ward under child protection.  I was angry that they were able to have kids, but didn’t deserve them in the slightest.  It was not fair!!

Life experience

After months of unsuccessful trying, and nothing happening, I had to confront my own personality.  I am the sort of person who always gets what they want.  I have goals and I work hard to achieve them.  If I have a problem, I focus my energies on finding a solution, not complaining about it.  So when I couldn’t get pregnant- I didn’t get what I wanted no matter how hard I tried, and every solution failed.  Every month was a torturous roller coaster of emotions.  Period- a new beginning, we would try again, hope, maybe this month.  Ovulation-  was that the moment? Could I have a new life inside me? Waiting- will I get a period yet again, or am I actually pregnant this time?  Period- devastating, have to go through the process all over again.

We went on an overseas holiday for 6 weeks.  Maybe I would return home pregnant.  NO. disappointed again.

Success

I ended up on clomid for 3 months.  It didn’t work.  So we had our workup for Intrauterine insemination.  We would try this for 1 month then move onto IVF.  I stayed on clomid for a 4th month, and waited for my period so we could move on to more severe forms of fertility treatment.  I had given up on clomid.  I had no expectations of getting pregnant this month.  I think that is part of the reason why, that month I did get pregnant.  The pressure was off, I had relaxed.  People tell you to relax and it will happen when its supposed to, but that doesn’t help at the time.  I learned that you need to go through your own experience, go through your own emotions in your own time.  Coincidently, I was doing 2 weeks of annual leave relief for a clinical nurse consultant and didn’t have to do shift work.  This was the time that I got pregnant.

In conclusion

I believe everything happens for a reason, the good and the bad (I have to have this belief in order to do my job, and care for sick and dying children).  My children’s souls were waiting for just the right time to come to me.  They knew when I was truly ready for children and life’s lessons that come with being a parent.  By having to wait for them,  I appreciated them all that bit more when they came to me.  In the meantime, I was able to see the world, and gain experiences with my career, that I would not have had the opportunity to do if I became pregnant when I was planning. 

 So if you are trying to have a baby, know that when and if its time, your baby will come to you; and if not, it will be for a very good reason.  These reasons we may not know for many many years.  I am not at all religious, but I do think I am moderately spiritual, and I believe in fate and miracles.  Whatever you believe in, let it help you get you through the roller coaster that is infertility.

It was only 2 and ½ years of trying, and I know that many couples try for a lot longer than this, and try a lot harder.  To them, I give my biggest best wishes.

I feel blessed to have my twins that I tried so hard for.  When I tried for a 3rd baby, I got pregnant 1st time!! But miscarried.  2 months later I was pregnant again and now have my beautiful baby daughter.

Thankyou for taking the time to read my story.  I wish that it gives hope to those in a similar situation. All the best to all of you.

Xx josie