ADVICE RATING |
  4.50 (Worth a try) from 3 votes (95 Visits) |
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Something close to my Heart - Being a Motherless Mum |
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by nicbell  (November 2008) (rank 500+) |
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I want to share something with you, and yes it is advice. When I had my daughter 4 years ago I was unaware of a lot of things, how being a mum would feel for the first time and how it would effect me. Unless you are a Motherless Mum yourself you have no idea what an impact then having a child can have. I had no-one to sit by me at the ultrasound, no one to speak excitedly to on the phone, no one to discuss the stages with "did this happen to you?" kind of conversations, I was totally alone and it made it a very sad journey when you saw mothers and daughters around you.
I did all the things a new mum should do, joined a mother's group etc and yet they were all talking about their mother's giving too much advice, sticking their nose in, visiting at the wrong times and inside I would scream and say to myself "well at least you have got a bloody mother! Mine is dead and there is nothing I can do about it"
Then I was introduced to a wonderful group called Motherless Mothers. It was held at my local Community Centre here in Summer Hill and it was finally the outlet I needed. I had no idea how angry I was, and that anger had made me scared to love my daughter. It had led to depression also, which I was totally unaware of and finally I was in a group of woman who "got" me. They knew how I was feeling and it was ok to feel this way.
My advice here is:
1. You are NOT alone, you are not alone in how you feel, in how you are angry and secretly jealous of your friend's having their mothers still.
2. You are not alone in your grief, in your sadness and that some days you can just fall about crying for no reason. How a smell or a memory or thought can just set you off.
3. There are places you can come, and if we are not close enough maybe you can put the word out and arrange a meeting near where you live.
We meet once a month on a Saturday, we have visits from grief coucillors, anger management, art therapy or we just talk. I find I am less angry now, I know I love my daughter now and am not scared too and I feel calmer now. It has helped me be a better, less angry parent. I also think the 2 books written by Hope Eidelman Motherless Mothers and Motherless Daughters are good to read as she explains things very well. I started Motherless Mothers and have stopped as it was too heavy for me at the time. I felt like she was talking about me but what I read made a lot of sense and made me realise a few things about me and also my father so I would advise giving it a chance. Anyway, I hope this helps someone.
