Re: Discipline
Asked by VickyB

Question:
 

What is a good age to start punishing bad behaviour? My 18 mo old daughter is into everything, and gives me a "cheesy smile" when she goes near something she's been told not to touch

or go near. What is a suitable punishment for a child her age? She seems to understand the word "No" but only listens when she wants to. Sometimes she's very well behaved, and other times you can nearly see the horns poking through the top of her head! Help! How can I keep her well behaved consistently? We try putting her in her playpen for about a minute when she's been naughty, but that's hard to enforce when we're out and about... Any suggestions??

My Advice:

 

Hi there.  Now is a great time to start punishing bad behaviour.  That cheesy smile tell me she knows she is being naughty, and she is going to push it as far as she can.  She is starting to test her boundaries.  So now is the time to start setting her boundaries and limits.

Here is what i have learnt (with three kids and my paediatric nursing experience)

~At this age, your child should have already learnt the word no (coincidently, i have already written some advice called "getting you child from no to yes" if you wanted to have a read).

~Always remain calm, in control and authoritative.  If you have to resort to yelling or smacking, then you have lost.  Yelling will only make your child yell back and it shows your child that you are no longer in control of the situation.  Smacking just teaches your child to fear you and eventually they will smack back, and learn that htiing someone is the answer to their problems (also see "why do we smack")

~The aim with toddler discipline is to teach your child a healthy respect for parents and authority, not fear.

~If your child is misbehaving in a certain environment, give one warning, and then remove them if the behaviour continues (for example: throwing sand in a sandpit: warn child about behaviour, tell the consequence and then remove from the sandpit.)

Always give only 1 warning before acting.  Repeatative warnings do not work.  Threaten with an appropriate action if bahaviour continues and FOLLOW THROUGH.  Never threaten with something that you can't or wont follow through on.

~When telling off your child, always get down to her level and look her straight in the eye.  Eye contact is great, as it allows the child to see your anger/disappointment; aim to make her feel ashamed and embarassed of her behaviour, not fearful of you.

~Dont be manipulated.  Children from a very young age have clever ways of getting what they want.  If you can't tell her no and mean no, then she will have problems respecting your authority, following orders and requests.  (my husband always gave in to our kids demands, and now they don't listen to a word he says, despite me warning him of the consequences of giving into every tantrum).

~Try the naughty corner/spot/chair.  Find a spot that has no external stimulation (away from toys, not in view of the TV.  Facing the corner is good).  Put the child in this spot for 1 minute for every year of age.  If your child leaves the spot,  without talking to her, put her straight back and start the time over.  Make sure you explain at the end of the naughty spot time why she was put in the naughty spot, and make sure she apologises for her behaviour (if she cant say sorry, then a hug will do).

~make sure she knows that it is her BEHAVIOUR that you dont like, and not HER as a person.

~Try removing toys, or TV, or whatever else she may be interested in at the time.

~Remember that tantrums my happen.  Do not let a child get what they want because of a tantrum.  Try to identify the reason behind the tantrum before choosing a punishment.  If your child is over tired, or overstimulated, trying to discipline bad behaviour under these circumstances is counterproductive.  

~make allowances if your child is tired and cranky.  In this case it may be wise to encourgae a nap or some quiet time, rather than making her more upset by removing a toy or trying to get her to sit still in the naughty spot. 

You may develop your own techniques over time and with experience, that work for you.  These are just some that worked for us.  Hope it helps.  Good luck.

xx josie