Are you your own worst enemy?  Do you critise or berate yourself over the choices you've made or poor decisions?  Do you have a case of the "coulda shoulda woulda's?

Chances are, negative self chatter is experienced by everyone at some time (for some people it can

be all the time).  We second guess ourselves every step of the way.  We deny ourselves opportunities and experiences the could enrich our lives and bring some happiness and joy to our day - and why?  Because we tell ourselves it's so.  

Imagine if you heard a friend or family member making the following statements:

1. I can't do it
2. It's too hard
3. I'm stupid
4. I'm not good enough
5. It's all too much
6. I'm disgustingly fat
7. I'm unattractive

How would you feel if a close friend said that about themselves?  In most cases, we'd be worried for them, we'd want to further extend the hand of friendship and love and give them the confidence to get through a tricky time.  We'd help all we could, and would understand that these feelings aren't reflective of the person - that's not how they are, they're going through some "stuff" and they need to give themselves a break.

I too can be my own worst enemy (and boy am I mean!).  Here's two of mine (I've taken out the swear words that accompanied!!):

1. I'm useless
2. I don't deserve to be a mother

Now, would you say that to a best friend who's going through a tough time?  You wouldn't tell them that they're useless, undeserving, unloveable people.  You'd listen to them.  You'd treat them gently and kindly - asking questions to find out why they feel that way.  You'd challenge their statements and positively guide them through the tough time they're experiencing.  You'd understand that this is a challenging period in their lives that will pass.  You'd help!

If you can, make a list of the horrible things you tell yourself.  Don't hold back - honesty is really important.  Now, pretend that a friend you love has told you those things about themselves and write a response to each of them.

Here's one I prepared earlier!!

1. I'm useless  - Why do you think you're useless?  Because you forgot that today was library day at school?  Oh Bec, in a weeks time, will it really matter so much?  You're managing a family, a job, you've got a great relationship and happy healthy kids.  You're a gorgeous giving person and you're doing the best you can in a really challenging situation.  The kids understand that you couldn't make it.  You can only be in one place at a time, and you're so busy at the moment with the new baby and the toddler, anyone would forgive a memory lapse.  You need to be gentle with yourself.  Lets go out and get a coffee and have a laugh.  Hubby will look after the tribe for you.
2. I don't deserve to be a mother - You are a wonderful mother.  You love your children so much that your heart is about to burst.  Yes, you lost your temper and yelled, screamed and generally carried on like a pork chop.  We ALL do from time to time.  And honey, you apologised to them afterwards and made sure that you had some special time to spend with each of them.  It's a tough job we're doing, and we all make mistakes.  Lots of them (damn it!)  You'd reached your breaking point, and there wasn't anyone to pick up the slack for you.  A full day of kids tantrums and bickering is enough to throw Mother Theresa over the edge! How about I organise to babysit for you one night this week so that you can go out and do something fun?

Feel compassion for yourself.  You feel it for the people you love, so send some back to you.  Reclaim some of the "old you" back.  From the mystical time before children! What did you love to do?  What do you have a passion for?  Find it and do it.  Be selfish at least once a day - read a book, get a massage, turn the music up loud and "rock on!".  Whatever it is that energises, relaxes, motivates you - do it.  No one will love you less for it (and if they do, maybe it's time to take a fresh look at that relationship).  They'll love the fact that you're taking the time to reconnect and bring with it the patience, kindness and energy that WILL get you through the tough times.  You're strong - believe it!!