Becoming a mum was every thing that I dreamed it would be. The first  time I held my son made my heart skip a beat his skin was so soft and he smelt so sweet the tear's rolled down my face. I was only 18 but  it felt like

the word stood still. he had blue eye's dark hair & to me he was the best. I new then and there that I would protect him no matter what. you see my child hood was something I try to for get easier said than done. I was abused along with my sister ...We went to our grand parent's house for the school holiday's our grand mother had to work so we were letf with our step grandfather. on one hot sunday morning we were out the back playing under the sprinkler when he came out & called to my big sister to come help with the dishes as we all had chores to do so she went inside and me & my little sister were left to play under the hose.I could hear them in the kitchen she was singing we both loved to sing. as time went by I desided to go get some towles for us so I went in to the house via the back door but I couldnt hear my sister sining so I went to look for her... what I saw I didnt understand I was eight she looked so frightend he called me to come into the room. I aksed what are you doin you are hurtin her but he told her to tell me that he was only playing a game & if I was good I could play to but she said no she cant play this game I dont like this game. she told me to go back out side but I wonted her to come with me I wonted her to tell me the name of the game they were playing but she could only cry..I told him to stop cause she was cring but he said the game was neely over and she would be ok. that night it was my turn to play the game...IV tried for 30 year's to for get that game & I guess I did in sum way's but it hit's you hard & low when your son wake's you to tell you that his bottom hurt's the alarm bell's ring loud & clear you know in your heart what he is tring to say but you cant think....It was father's day 1987 I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO. who to turn to he needed me so I picked him up and held him so close his little tear's rolled down his face he kept asking me why. why mummy I held him till he cried him self to sleep. I went and woke his dad he looked at me and I broke the anger inside me exploded who could have do this to such an inocent little boy. we sat there in a daze not wonting to talk but I had to find out who it was so I went into his room and sat on his bed tring to hold it together he opened his eye's and looked at me and said dont cry mummy Im sorry my world came crashing down. I had to ask him why he was sorry he didnt do anything wrong that he was a brave little boy for telling me and mummy love's him so much the hurt in his eye's and the pain on his face Id seen it before when I looked in a mirror.. I HAD TO KNOW why didnt I know I should have seen the sign's it was my fault I needed answers so I rang my doctor he told me to meet him at the hospital the sexual assault unit so  we did .my little boy didnt know why we were there he always loved going to the doctor but this day he didnt I had to tell him that the doctor needed to talk to him and that he was a brave little boy .. after that I was in a daze tring to understand thay took him to the sexual assault unit then sat me down the word's your son has been sexualy abussed rang in my head I wonted to scream but I couldnt who had done this to him why had they done this to him he is an inocent little boy. when the police came to take a statment from him he thought he had done wrong and they were going to take him away then when he named the person the room went black. my world and my familys world turned upside down he was my step brother  I WONTED TO KILL HIM. how could he have done this why did he do this he destroyed a little boy's life they charged him on 3 count of sexual assault on a child under the age of 12 & ather charges but he walked free with a good behavyer bond WHAT ABOUT MY SON. he lives with it every day they told me that I am a great mum as many boy's dont tell but I know Im a good mum as I listen to my kid's when they talk. a litle boy's life has been changed for ever and with love and time he will alway's have me god willing. no 1 ever know what the sgn's are when it come's to PREDIOR'S they are the dirt we walk on... PS this mite not be advice but it's from the heart...