Bedtime routine for toddlers and preschoolers

 

Is your toddler or preschooler difficult to settle into bed at night?  We have experienced difficulties in the past, for various reasons, but have seemed to have overcome them with a good bedtime routine.  I cannot stress enough the importance

of routine and predictability in a child’s day.  A consistent routine helps children to know what to expect, how to behave at certain times and they feel safe with this predictability.  A child who has no routine and does not know what to expect during a typical day will be stressed, confused and not know what is expected in terms of behaviour, and therefore more likely to misbehave.  A routine does not have to be strict to the minute and can be moderately flexible, depending on what else is going on at the time.

 

What happens during the day is also important.  If your child has not had enough attention, or stimulating play, he/she will try to fit it in before bedtime.  This is particularly difficult for working parents.  I know when I have been busy or working during the day, unless I make a real effort to spend quality time with the kids before bed, they wont go to bed very well.

 

This is what happens at our house, most evenings:

5pm kids play while I cook dinner,

5:20pm daddy gets home and has some play time with kids.

5:40pm we all eat dinner at the table and the baby has her solids.

6pm baby has her bath first, then the kids have a bath

6:30pm quiet TV time for the kids, baby has a breastfeed.

6:50pm  baby goes to bed, mum and/or dad read books to kids

7:20pm lights out.  We cuddle in bed with the kids and sing quiet songs or listen to classical music together.  Our favourites are ‘twinkle twinkle little star’, close your eyes and I’ll kiss you’, ‘in the night garden theme’ and various other nursery rhymes.

7:40pm say goodnight and leave the room.

 

Before bed we make sure they have been to the toilet, they have a drink of water at their bedside, and any toy they wanted to sleep with, so they have no reason to need to get up or delay bedtime.  We leave a light on in the nearby toilet for reassurance and so that I can check in on them easily.

 

After having some issues at bedtime, we decided that a consistent bedtime routine was crucial for the kids getting to bed on time.

It is important to be wary of the activities your child is doing in the 2 hours leading up to bed time, as it takes a while for a child to be calm enough to sleep.  We are careful to avoid anything that might excite them at this time.  Also be wary of foods and drinks consumed in the time leading to bedtime.  I know that if my kids have coke before bed, they are not going to go to bed easily (not a regular thing, but sometimes if we get maccas for dinner, the coke comes with the meal if we forget to ask for lemonade).

 

Our twins sleep in a room together, and sometimes they wind each other up at bedtime.  This used to be more common that it is now.  If they were in a play mood at bed time, when they were about 2 years old,  I used to put a dining chair in the hall outside their room and read a book (to myself, not to them).  They could see me and would settle down with my presence, but I was still getting some leisure time.  I don’t have to do this anymore.

 

Our twins are now nearly 4, and most night they go to bed really well with this routine.  On the occasional nights when they challenge bedtime, we also have a predictable and consistent response to this.  We avoid yelling.  We have tried this in the past and it just leads to the kids either getting silly and thinking it’s a game to wind up mum or dad; or they get upset.  When you think about it, these responses are to be expected.  How do you feel when someone is yelling at you?  You feel like retaliating…. The adrenaline levels rise, the heart rate goes up and the last thing you are able to do is sleep.  Same for kids.  You will also get the same response with smacking or threatening.  The biological response is "fight or flight" and the hormones released during this response is the opposite of that required for relaxation and sleep.

 

This is what we do when the kids get out of bed at bed time:

Step 1: calmly return child to bed, tuck in, kiss and cuddle, say its time for bed, goodnight and leave.

If child gets up again

Step2: return child to bed, tuck in and state that its bedtime.

If child gets up again

Step 3: without saying anything, return child to bed, tuck in and leave.  The child no longer gets any positive reaction.  Continue to repeat step 3 until child stays in bed.

 

The evenings for us (although busy at first), once the kids go to bed it’s the only time we have to ourselves, to catch up on housework, or have some quiet time.  It is therefore important to us, that the kids go to bed at a reasonable time, for our own sanity.

This is what worked for us, I hope it works for you too.