I was speaking to a friend recently about the strife her fiance's family gave her after she left home with her daughter and went to stay down the road with her mother for a few days after a large fight.  We all have our fights from time to time...even when

you're happily married and I wanted to share with you some of the encouragement and advice I shared with her.  Some of the techniques I share will also help you in other areas of conflict and stress, be it with your partner or spouse, children, parents, boss or work colleague.

WANTING TO RUN AWAY IS NORMAL My husband and I fight all the time, but as I said to him recently... my toddler drives me crazy sometimes and I can easily feel not so fond of him at that moment.  Like when he wakes me for the 10th time that night, or is having a tantrum, or arches his back while I am trying to change a poo-ey nappy without getting it everywhere!  But I still love my son to bits and I am reminded of that later in the day when he smiles at me or when I watch him sleeping. At those good times I couldn't imagine ever being without him.  But when he's not so easy to handle... well... sometimes (even if only for a short while) I long for the days before I had children and life was relatively carefree.  It is the same with my husband...I love him to bits and couldn't imagine being without him.  But in the heat of things, when times are rough...sometimes I just want to run away and never come back.  I feel horrible admitting this, believing marriage is forever.  But I think these feelings are pretty normal.  What's important is that I don't run away... well… at least not for good anyway. Unlike my friend, I don't have the opportunity to get away for a few days and stay with family (although I wish I could!). 

WHEN IS RUNNING AWAY OKAY?  Make sure that when you walk out that door - you're walking, not running!  What I mean is - try to keep a level head about the whole thing as much as you can.  Remember you may be angry or hurt right now, but deep down you really do love this person.  So you don't want to make any rash decisions in the heat of the moment.  However, sometimes the best way to let everyone cool down and think logically is to physically remove yourself from the situation.

HOW DO YOU RUN AWAY "RATIONALLY"?  Well as I said earlier - you walk!  This is what I mean by walking: 

• Despite everything try to maintain a calm, matter of fact tone - otherwise things just escalate, everybody's emotions, stress hormones, children become scared and you embarrass yourself in front of the neighbours.  
• I know you're angry, but when you do <u>walk</u> out the door - don't slam it!  But don't sneak out either.
• Avoid playing mind games. Let your partner know :  1. where you're going  2. Why  3. When you'll be back  4. and if need be also ask to be left alone during this time.  By letting your partner know what is happening you are showing them respect and they then have the opportunity to show you respect.  But at the time, respecting one another may not be in the forefront of your mind.  Another thing this method does is allow everyone to calm down, collect their thoughts and not do further damage to the relationship or leave an impact on any children.  It also sets a good example for your children as to how to control their emotions when they are angry or hurt.
• You may try to firstly remove yourself to another room or go outside into the garden, before ever needing to walk out the front door. 
•  If this doesn't work you can go for a drive or a walk.  If you are too emotional sometimes driving is not a good idea, so be sensible - going for a walk may be preferable.  If you do go for a walk, take the time to make sure you are dressed appropriately, have shoes on and at least your phone or keys to get back in the house - I have learnt this the hard way! Another reason why it's not a good idea to run - you might forget something!  Walking alone can be dangerous for a woman, especially if at night - so do be careful here.  You don't want the whole thing to end in tragedy.  If leaving this house really isn't an option then you will ahve to make the most of the previous suggestion
• If you are just walking out the door to get some fresh air or take a break - make sure the person knows it doesn't mean you're leaving for good. 
• If you feel things are really serious and you need to go away for an extended period of time.  Don't make the decision in the heat of the moment...take yourself away for a short break (by this I mean 1/2 hr to a couple of hours following tips above).  When you return and you have tried discussing things with your partner but are getting no-where.  When they are as calm as they going to get, THEN tell them you are packing your bags for a few days and where you are going.  Make sure you tell them that you would like to return in a couple of days, when things have cooled down and when the person has realised you are angry and hurt and is prepared to work on those problems together.  You could even say to them something like  - "I am seriously hurt by this and I need you to provide a home where I feel comfortable and right now I don't feel comfortable at home, and I am concerned what impact this could have on our child/ren".  
• If you think your partner might be too upset, then take your child with you, they may enjoy the car ride or walk in the stroller, etc. Or if you’re too upset ask your partner if they will be alright with the child/ren while you go out for some Mummy time. and how he can contact you. You don’t necessarily need to tell him where you are going (in fact I suggest you don’t if you don’t want him to follow you) but if you are leaving the children behind, make sure he knows you are not going too far away.   If leaving children behind, make sure you give them your best smile (despite circumstances), a kiss a cuddle and say goodbye. Make sure your child/ren know that you love them very much and you will be coming back. And if you’re children are old enough you might even be able to leave them with grandparents or family for a short break while you go out for coffee or go shopping…or perhaps even while you talk it out with your partner (after you have both calmed down).
• Make sure the person knows what the appropriate method is to contact you at this time - let them know if you will not be taking calls.  But have a back-up plan if they need to get hold of you urgently or if there is a change in the rule if they ahve calmed down and are ready to talk.  Be careful here that you don't accept a phonecall within minutes of leaving - you may find yourself in another hgeated argument!
• When everyone has calmed down, try to sort the situation out first by saying things like “I UNDERSTAND (…you’re hurt…), BUT IT’S NOT OK (… to yell at me..), THAT HURT MY FEELINGS." - This works well with children.   If you are the one at fault, then remember to apologise ASAP!

Sometimes when my husband is upset, I tell him my son and I are going out for a break, we will be back in about 15-30mins.  I then go through the McDonalds drive-through and sometimes I even bring some back for him as a peace offering.  By which time everyone has usually calmed down and apologies can be made.  

I still haven't got it all figured out yet and don’t always follow my own advice, so if you haven't found this article helpful please let me know why.  Maybe you have some wisdom to share of your own.  Anyways, I hope my experience will help you and your relationship.