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ADVICE RATING

5.00 (Highly recommend) from 2 votes (69 Visits)

Be there and Be Strong! Encourage her not deminish her.

by peace613

(January 2009) (rank 500+)

Re: how do you reason with a 19 year-old girl that wants to move out with her abusive boyfriend
Asked by sammipoo

Question:

my 19 year old daughter is moving in with her boyfriend. he has hit her in the past. i feel

like i failed as a parent. i also feel like i cant protect her anymore. i need advice please.

My Advice:

Hi Sammipoo,

Be supportive of her. Remind her of her great qualities. Tell her what she is worth and make sure she understands that you are there for her.

You may not be able to change her mind and I'm sure that you've already tried. If you push her too much it may just strengthen her determination.

If instead you patiently let her know that you will always be there for her and that you are not judging her then when she needs you she will turn to you.

Remember pushing her to go your way will just make it worse. Then she will not have you to turn to if he hits her again.

Also, keep in mind that she did tell you about the first time. This is a great sign. Keep up the great work and encourage your relationship.

Don't be pushy but be supportive of what you do agree with.

Many times women stay in an abbusive relationship because they are insecure. Build up her confidence.

Lastly, give her a reson to stay. Don't nag her about her clothes on the floor or not washing the dishes. Remind her once sweetly and then leave it be.

Remember your goal at this point is to build your relationship. If it is strong, great, make it stronger.

Hope this is helpful,

Peace613

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ADVICE RATING

5.00 (Highly recommend) from 2 votes

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	January 2009 \| bruciegee

Re: Be there and Be Strong! Encourage her not deminish her.

Wise advice, Peace613!

In fact, Sammipoo, if your daughter does go ahead and move in with the boyfriend, you may even consider going a step further and see how you can begin to build bridges with him, too!

I'm sure this is not easy when you're parental desire to protect and defend is targeting this person as a threat to your duaghter! If you're not seen as the adversary to their relationship, your daughter will be much more likely to continue to confide in you if something abusive is happening. ... and if they are a couple, by you acknowledging his 'place in the family', for however long he's around, you get to keep the communication and open relationship with your daughter for this time... instead of her closing you out!