Actually my idea is not really a new one, more a new twist on a very old one...

Being a parent may be the toughest gig most of us will ever undertake. It is a long term commitment, with very high stakes, and will stretch us in ways that

make most other jobs and pastimes look easy in comparison. And adding this role often doesn't diminish our responsibilities in all our other roles... it often adds to them! Not only that, but in many of our cultures we've taken what has always been a community (or at least extended family) enterprise, and made it more and more the responsibility of one or two adults in isolation from other family and community support, particularly for the pre-school years! (Of course, most of us have balanced the equation by having a LOT less kids than previous generations).

I know that the thought, "and what training/up-skilling/ equipping/ qualifications and practice do we receive before taking on this job?" is not a new one to you or me.

Obviously, in times past families often were extended, and larger, and depended on one another to fulfil the roles of nurturing/training and teaching children (along with all the practical logistics, too!) Many more in the community DID learn about parenting (albeit what we would consider 'outdated' modes of parenting!) in their childhood and adolescent years, because they were exposed to all different stages of child development at close proximity... and probably required to give a helping hand in the process as soon as they were able.

While we can't -- and shouldn't want to! -- go back and re-create times past, some of us may have opportunities to 'apprentice' young parents-to-be in our modern homes and families now (... without resorting to having more babies when our older kids are adolescents, just to give them some parenting practice!!! )

I've spoken to numerous young people (some of whom are now mothers and fathers themselves) who have talked about the impact of being invited and welcomed for an extended season of time into the family life of a friend/relative, someone who "took them under their wing", where there own family situations provided less-than-ideal modelling. The common thread is that they were never actually sat down and given a lecture on parenting skills, things that work and things to avoid, how to relate to your spouse and your children... they were just simply allowed to be there for meal times or family outings, daily chores or some special project... and see it all happen, the good and the bad, and be included in that process. Even tho' my own home life was healthy and supportive, I know that having the privilege of living with another young family in my late teens for a couple of years gave me incredibly valuable insights into parenting and communication skills that I wouldn't have had otherwise.

Because I've seen this work, I've long thought of this kind of 'mentoring' as a wonderful way of helping young people who may have lacked family connections to build some healthy foundations in their lives, recognise more effective ways of getting along with others and getting things done (and therefore be empowered to choose not to follow harmful or unhelpful models). Thinking about it just now, I realised that it could also be a wonderful opportunity for them to have effective parenting skills modelled; and even to get some 'apprentice experience' in before it's their turn!

I know most of us say "I'm not that special a parent, what have I got to teach?"... but just look at how helpful and encouraging and 'de-mystifying' it is to see other's stories here on Minti -- from what I've seen, you've ALL got something to give! Not only that, but there are benefits to us in providing the opportunities, too!!

If you're a parent of younger children, is there a pre-teen through to young adult friend/relative/neighbour in the extended family, or neighbourhood, or church, or community group, that you could invite to be part of an occasional 'ordinary' family meal, special chore or project (building something, weeding the garden, painting a room) or family outing?  You don't have to go out of your way to accommodate them (no really fancy cooking, special guest treatment)... just invite them to be part of what you and your kids would do that day. Get them involved. (Kids often REALLY respond well to having a bigger kid/young adult helping them with stuff, playing games with them, whatever). If it 'works' for you and for them them, invite them again... you may even have found yourself a helpful baby-sitter after a few times -- and even if not, you've made a friend/connection (and possibly got a difficult job done a little faster?)

May be a little on the idealistic side, but, it just may work??