Re: Freaking Out
Asked by Vampy

Question:
 

Ok this may seem completely ridiculous to some of you but oh well its worth a try. I am nearly 16 weeks pregnant with my 1st and recently i have been seriously freaking out about

going into labour. Its almost like im telling myself i cant do it etc. Also i think part of it is due to the fact i still aint got my head around being pregnant as i dont feel preggers apart from the hyperemesis. Is this normal and if anyone could message me some relaxation techniques i would really appreciate it. I think im just going mad. My oh says dont worry but its not him thats going through this and i have a low self asteem anyway.

My Advice:

 

It is perfectly normal and natural to have some level of anxiety about childbirth and labour.  Some women will just have the thought in the back of their minds, for others it may be the determining factor of how they experience the last few weeks of pregnancy.  This all comes from fear of the unknown, this is something you have never experienced before and when doing something for the first time- its always scary.  There are ways to get around this fear though:

Nearly every mother will feel the need to tell you all about their childbirth experience.  I personally, wanted to hear about as many different experiences as possible, to prepare myself for any eventual outcome- but i was never fearful of childbirth.  For yourself, I would recommend not asking about other mums experiences, and if someone offers their own childbirth experience, politely tell them that you don't need to hear it- WHY?- Because your experience will be NOTHING like theirs.  Every childbirth experience is different and there are many factors that make it so: your own health and fitness, the baby's size, the baby's personality, your response to labour hormones, the use of pain relief and interventions, your own personality and ability to focus on a task, the birthing environment, supportive people present etc etc.

What to do?- It might be worth learning all that you can about the 3 stages of labour- from a medical perspective, rather than a personal perspective, so that you know what to expect without others personal experience getting in the way.  Also learn about your pain relief options- and what to expect with the use of epidurals, gas, and other pain relief methods.  Go to childbirth classes- these are usually available at birthing hospitals.  Its great that you want to learn relaxation techniques now, because this may help in labour- yoga, music, meditation, slow breathing exercises can all help.  Learn about some common complications and what might be involved in the treatment of these complications- for example: the potential for an unplanned cesaerian, the use of forceps or ventouse, episiotomy etc.  It is a known fact that the more knowledge one has about a topic, the less fear of the unexpected one will have and hence one will have less pain (or rather a higher pain threshold) as a result. 

It is also known that the presence of a woman who has been through it before (or Doula) can also be a very calming thing and help with the tolerance of pain.

Arm yourself with knowledge and then write a birth plan.  I had a 2 part birth plan the first time around which included a smooth running labour plan and a complication labour plan ( as I had a higher risk of complications with multiples on board).  A birth plan can also help ease your mind and prepare for the experience.  I am sure there are probably a few articles here about writing birth plans.  Include your thoughts on possible positions, pain relief, preference or refusal of certain interventions, details of your environment like those present, music, dimmed lighting.

The best thing you can do is have a POSITIVE attitude.  You are having a baby and its the most beautiful, womanly and liberating experience you will ever have- and at the end of it, you will be holding a beautiful baby in your arms and you wont regret a thing.  This experience will make you so much stronger- you will feel like you can take on the world.

By the time you get to the end of your pregnancy, you may well be praying for labour to start.  9 months is a long time when you are suffering from bad pregnancy symptoms and waiting to meet your baby.  The thing about labour is that no matter what the experience is like, it always has an end (and a great end at that).  Labour doesn't last forever and even if you do 'freak out' when labour begins, just remind yourself that you are so close to holding your baby- its exciting to know that it will all be over in a few hours.  

Lastly: Be totally open to all possibilities: very few births are completely text book. Listen to your body, go with your instincts but follow the instructions of the childbirth staff (they can see things from an angle that you cant).  Your body is designed to give birth, but sometimes a little assistance is required.  Be open to the fact that you may need some interventions to help your baby out.  Have pain relief if you need it, if you feel you dont need it then go with the flow.  The aim is to have the most effective childbirthing experience possible with an outcome of healthy baby and healthy mummy- your midwives should be able to guide you if you are unsure of what you need at the time.

The more you can prepare yourself the better.  Just don't let anyone scare you.  In the end your experience will be your own.  Once you have learned about labour and birth, you can then focus on the outcome of it - your baby.

Good luck- I'm sure you will be great.