There is a lot of good information on this site regarding dealing with conflicts among siblings. I want to tell a short anecdote about an experience I had with my daughter and a friend of hers when they were both aged 4. It happened because I tried one of the

approaches used by the preschool our kids attended. Their philosophy was that, when conflicts occurred, with some guidance from the grown-ups, the kids could resolve their own disagreements. It would take too long to go into all the details of how they worked through situations, but I'd be glad to do that at some point of there is enough interest.

To the story.

I was at home with my kids while my wife was out, and Jennifer had a next-door neighbor girl visiting. (By-the-way, for any of you guys who are new to parenting, you need to decide up front that you are not "babysitting" when you are taking care of your children, any more than your wife/girlfriend is when she is with them. It took me longer than it should have to realize that.) I was changing my son's diaper, and the two girls were close to us in the same room. Deciding I ought to be a good Dad, I said "If you want, when I am finished here, I'll give you each a horseyback ride."

Both hands shot up. "Me first!" "No! Me first." No. Me!" and back and forth it went. And, of course, I just knew I was about to be sucked right into the middle of it. More out of desperation than out of any real hope that it would work, I said, "OK. You guys decide who goes first and let me know." Jennifer had been attending the preschool for more than a year at that point, so she was used to this. Immediately, she looked at her friend and said, "I know. Whoever raised her hand first gets to go first." So far so good, but I knew something she didn't - her little friend had raised her hand first. Then she said, "Who was first? Nikki, did you raise your hand first?"

Now you have to remember that this other little girl was being raised in a traditional household, a good home with good parents, but one where adults are called on all the time to resolve children's disputes - where the children must be ready to accept the decisions from on-high even if those decisions are unfair (which they often are, simply because, as often as not, the adult has no idea who did what.) So she's used to being told how it will be resolved, and she's used to it being unpleasant either because it is unfair or because the adult is frustrated or angry or both. She is bewildered. Her jaw has dropped, and she looks at Jennifer in disbelief and slowly nods her head - she knows she was first. "OK," says Jen. "Then you're first,"

It was that easy. I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders. I couldn't believe what I had just witnessed.

I can tell you from the perspective of many years of experience using this approach that, although it is often not this easy, it is always better than trying to be Solomon.