Yet ANOTHER discipline article.

 

There are SO many discipline articles on this wonderful site, as there are so many different ideas on what works and what is acceptable.  I have written my own, from what I believe works and my opinion on what is right.  I

want to look at discipline from a different perspective though- a MEMORY of childhood discipline from an adult’s perspective and what I remember being effective on me.

My Mum and Dad used several different discipline techniques and I don’t think any of them negatively affected my development or emotional wellbeing, in fact I think they did a marvelous job in raising me and I think I turned out quite well, even if I do say so myself. I love my parents very much, we are all close and I respect them immensely (and I’m not just saying that because you are probably going to read this, Dad!).

My sister and I got smacked with a slap on the bum, and sometimes we got the wooden spoon.  I remember knowing it was coming and clenching my butt cheeks as tight as I could to try to lessen the sting.  We also had the occasional threat of the belt, but never actually got hit with it.  We were never abused or beaten, and these measures were saved for real discipline only.  It was a different age back then, and these measures were generally more accepted than they are now, however, it is not these more extreme, hands on techniques that stick with me as being the most effective- despite what others may think.  A sting on the bum was only that….it did not stop me from repeating the behaviour that lead me to it in the first place.  It was short lived pain, I forgot about it quickly. 

  What I remember being most effective, was when mum made me THINK about what I had done, feel regret, shame and remorse and when I knew I had disappointed my parents I was less inclined to repeat the behaviour.  Mum used to send me to my room after I had misbehaved.  Potentially I could have had a good time with my things shut up in my room but I was usually too annoyed and angry to want to play.  I was not allowed to come out of my room until I had thought about what I had done and I was able to explain why it was wrong.  This was effective for me.  I usually spent a while sulking, before I came to realize that if I ever wanted to leave my room again, I would have to start thinking of a speech to tell mum.  So then I would start thinking about my behaviour, why it was wrong and how it made others feel.   When I was ready, I would leave my room, find mum and then explain to her my perspective of my behaviour, why it was wrong and that I was sorry.  Mum had this uncanny knack of being able to make me feel so sorry for what I had done that she would make me cry.  It was all good though, we would have a hug and we seemed to understand each other more.  Discipline like this brought us closer.  I learned that I should behave myself, not just because it was the right thing to do, but because I didn’t want to disappoint my parents.  Real lessons were learned this way. I hope to be able to instill similar lessons in my own children.

  So, to smack or not to smack, naughty corner, time out, so many options……but this is what worked for me.  I personally don't condone voilent measures, smacking or the wooden spoon because I feel that other methods are more effective, as explained above..

 Thanks Mum and Dad.