This week has seen the start of the new school year ... and for a family where 4 of us study/work in schools, and the other has to work with and visit schools on a daily basis, it's a big part of our lives! Being a parent of 3 and

being school-based myself, I hear LOTS of parents on the subject of how school does or doesn't work for their kids.

Almost any parent of primary-aged or older children can tell you stories about how one classroom/teacher/learning environment can make a huge impact on a child -- some for incredible good, some not! In our modern societies where institutionalised schooling has long been the accepted norm, parents often seem to feel somewhat powerless against the "system" -- so many lament (sometimes quite loudly!) at the influence/impact that a school/teacher/classroom situation is having on their child, but often just don't think there is much that they can do about it.

The ultimate responsibility for our kids' welfare, their education, the values they are taught, the worldviews that are presented to them... rests with us, their parents. It is our job to know what they are learning, what kind of environment they're learning in -- and then to make choices to endorse, enhance, supplement, challenge or change that environment, based on our understanding, our own values, good advice and our "gut feelings!"

I'm not encouraging 'molly-coddling' -- "my little precious is not getting all the attention, so I'm going to throw a tantrum 'til they do" -- our children really do need us NOT to always "rescue", to be able to stand back and let them experience life, and support them in learning to work through issues themselves. I've noticed, however, that quite often good, well-meaning parents DON'T step in where they should, because they don't want to be seen as interfering, or they feel threatened by the "professionals" at school in some way.

A couple of years ago, I had one of my daughters' teachers ask me why on earth I would want to take part in the bi-annual parent-teacher interviews. His thinking was that because my child did not struggle academically, and didn't have identified behavioural issues, that I shouldn't be interested in what the teacher had to say about her, or concern myself in any way with what was happening in the classroom!  WRONG!! Interfering unnecessarily in the classroom is one thing, being aware of what's happening and interested in what is being taught and the person that my child is focused on for so many hours per week, is a completely different thing!!

I. like many parents I know, have watched as a particular classroom atmosphere and teaching style just "clicks" with our child, and they SOAR! ... and I've found, with the best teachers, they've appreciated having the parents' understanding, input, suggestions and partnership to facilitate the very best learning outcomes for the child. I've also watched as a teacher struggled with a particular classroom make-up, or with personal issues, or just failed to engage with their students... and seen how a child's desire to learn, temperament, behaviour and enjoyment of life as a whole can take a nose-dive within the span of weeks!

So what can we do when it appears that a classroom or teaching style is just not working for our child, particularly where a child who was enjoying or engaging in learning is becoming anxious, withdrawn, despondent, angry, consistently unhappy or just not caring about schoolwork?

Firstly discuss it more fully with your child. What is it that they enjoy about the class? What do they dislike the most? What's happening around them? How do they feel about that?

Then, discuss your child's situation/your concerns directly with the teacher. Any teacher worth their salt will WANT to discuss concerns the parents of a child in their class have. Consider making an appointment to talk with them (rather than trying to catch their attention just before the start of class, or when they're trying to escape and get home after a long day! ) Come with a list of issues that you want to address, and calmly raise these as challenges that you, your child and the teacher (and possibly administrators or other school staff) need to find ways of meeting. Remember to listen to the teacher's side of the story... and, wherever possible, maintain a "we need to deal with this together" approach and attitude. This will often change your perspective, and either resolve the issue, or give you the information necessary to help your child overcome the problem.

DO offer to be involved in the classroom regularly in some way, if your schedule allows... this often helps your child to feel supported and encouraged, can be an enormous help and emotional support for a teacher who may be stressed or struggling to deal with all the different classroom expectations and situations... and also gives you a much better insight into what really is taking place in the classroom! It has the added benefit of demonstrating clearly that you are a proactive part of "the school team" in solving the problem, not the enemy/opposition -- you're much more likely to have your voice/suggestions heard and attended to!

If you feel things are not improving in reasonable time, schedule another meeting and express that -- find out what has been done, discuss the effectiveness of any strategies, and see if you can come up with some alternatives. Don't be afraid to make suggestions yourself! At very least share strategies that you see working with your child at home or in other settings! If you don't sense that there is an openess or capacity on the part of the teacher to work through the issues further, make an appointment with the administrators and give them the run-down of the process, your observations, your child's situation...  then hear what they have to say/suggest. Be firm. Don't hesitate to request that your child be moved to another class, if you feel that other options are not going to make the difference.

Remember, if you appear to be hitting your head against a brick wall with the school, you almost always have the options of considering a change of school (or possibly even home schooling) -- all schools are not the same! ... and your child's love of learning, ability to cope and opportunity to succeed ARE WORTH THE EFFORT!