Hi, i didn't read your original question so am not sure what it was about.  But i feel saddened that you got so upset about them.  I think it is really important to have self confidence in the job you are doing as a mother - and the way you go about it.  If people have different views then that is their perogative to be judgemental to others and be so narrowminded.  Everyone does things differently and there are no rules to parenting and people do not have a right to make others feel that they are doing wrong.  Good on you for speaking up about the hurt you experienced and i hope you now have more confidence in yourself.

Hi Minti is  a place where one can exchange ideas. The main purpose is that here we come to know the experiences of others and  these can be helpful  to us, if we are in the same boat or somewhat related to it. But mind you the weightage of the advice has to be decided by us.  Because as you said the other person can be from any place and in any situation.

Hi and I want to give you a big hug!

I did not read the original article so I have no idea what it was about. I think sometimes people react to an article without really understanding it properly. I think as Mintiers we do need to concertrate on speading the love and positiveness around.

I must say though that I have not seen alot of damning comments to questions on Minti, It must have been a rare thing.

I hope you are OK and please note that if you need a friend to chat with about anything,,,,I am a good listener!

Lots of Love,,,,Lisa :) 

you know, pancakes will make you feel better.... i like them....

not too sure what the inital deal was for you here. sounds like a tough spot to be in what ever it was (virtual shuriken in the butt to whomever made you feel like that... becca supper growlies!!). i have always (aside from a few unfortunate times) found that putting a giggle in the recievers gob is a winner, or at least try to. i am sure they either shake their heads as the general dementedness/someone else is lamer than them thing, or have a laugh at my antics. even at the most munted up times, a laugh is always a spirit lifter. hoppy hoppy. random ninja bunni.

ps: put some purple food dye in the pancake mix and make a smily face with syrup. common.... it'll make you all happyness ::)

hiya and I do totally agree with this. great advice. I personally havent been on alot recently but read downward first to see if there was anything in relation to what the Q was in the first place.

I will say that you are not a bad mum for doing what you did. I have been in the similar place where my daughter threw her brother off his bynk bed, pushed him off the back of a couch and we had to rush him to hospital with concusion and blood coming out og his head, but also with my son slicing my daughters ear thinking he would help me and cut her hair. I have biten my kids to stop them biting (they dont bite after that)

Even though it may be a very bad thing that happens and we react without thought it doesnt mean we are a bad person.

I am sorry that you had to have this happen and sadly it isnt the first and wont be the last time it is done on here. we all forget that we live world wide and what is ok here in Australia is different in England  or America and even Canada and all the other places that our lovely mintiers are from.

All we can hope is that your son and daughter both learnt something out of it all and that was that mum is right when she is worried about dangerous things.

I have said many time to my friends "You can kind of see how some parents loose it with their children". I feel so frustrated sometimes that the little darling won't listen to me especially when they are hurting each other. I admit I have smacked my children on the backside but I think the thing that happens is, You really hurt yourself more than what you hurt them. As for the advice well written.

I understand completely after a 16 year break my 2nd husband and l decided for a child after having my tubes rejoined I fell prgnant 3 months after how lucky what a gift

Since I allready had been a mother l thought not a problem it was my husbands first child

well didnt l get a shock even though l loved my little girl l was sooooooooo  jealous of her and the love and attention my husband  displayed to her made it worse

many a time l did horriable things to my disgust she is now 8 she is a strong dilligent and vibrant l LOVE her dearly but she still annoys me   no more children for me  hopefully l will make a BETTER GRANDMOTHER one day

Hi there, I agree and it would be nice in a perfect world for people to be kind and try to think of others and to really think the situation through from all angles, but sadly its not going to happen, because humans are instinctive and depending on each individuals insecureties and experiences at that moment the response will probably  reflect that.

It is personal, it can be devistating and in some cases challenging. In the end it really does come down to being all human and all learning from our mistakes and sometimes it takes a repetition of incidences before we see the light and some times we never do see it sadly.

We are all vulnerable to something and chances are that being on a public site we will be exposed to those vulnarabilities if we share them, show them and respond to them. We forget that as people we do not share the same values, securities and insecurities.

You rose to the challenge did not accept the negative and found a positive and excellent way to help open peoples eyes, will people take it on board, uhm yes if we are secure enough to look at ourselves.

Thankyou for sharing and caring.

Luv Winnie.xxxx

Thanks for your honesty and willingness to be vulnerable in sharing, Rusty. And especially for boucning back with a positive twist on the experience -- well done!

... and, by the way, if we did an honest poll on which parents, Minti or other, had ever acted or spoken inappropriately to their children, and had each of us share the worst thing we ever said or did to one of our children, I don't think too many of us would come off looking too good! the fact that you are obviously shaken and horrified by your own response is, in itself, a sign of being a GOOD parent, not a bad one (not a perfect one, either, but I have yet to meet one of these!!)

Thanks for adding the original incident back in (below), which is a brave thing to do.. but helps provide perspective for others to understand this advice -- which, by the way, I think is good advice on Minti and in all areas of life!

This is hard, and not something I am comfortable writing about again but here goes..... I slapped my son accross the face for the second time in his life time, and I was destroyed. Both times it has happened it has been after telling my son over and over and over and over that if he keeps doing that he is going to really hurt one of his sisters...

My baby daughter was playing peak a boo at the floor length curtain and for the 101th time I told my son not to put the curtain over head or she will fall back and hit her head, I turned around and kept cooking my dinner only to look back as he did it and again and see her fall back and hit her head on the plastic join on the floor.... When our kids hurt themselves we have what we call a rictor scale which as a description  is how long they hold their breath before sound comes out... It was a 8 on the rictor scale...

I reaction slapped him without thinking... My knees went weak at what I had done, and I can honesly tell you was destroyed to have done such a thing, I couldn't get over it. I called my partner and told him what happened, He told me not to beat myself up and that it happens sometimes... I called my Mum and she said the same thing and told me of a time she did the same thing to me...

I didn't sleep that night, I kept seeing the picture over and over in my head, same the next day.... I finally decided that if my partner and my mother were right and I posted my question on minti there would be other people out there who would help me understand what happened and if I was a bad mother..... a person in their right mind woulld have seen the consequences of such a question on minti....

Unlucky for me the first responces to come through were the ones from people who had not experienced it before, I didn't think I could handle anymore and thought I must have been a monster who shouldn't be allowed children who was on a slippery slope, so I took the question down.... I should have left the question up, because the messages there after were from people who had an idea of what I was going through. .

I will never get over doing that to my son, it is an awful thing to do to your child and I still believe should never happen... But as my doctor said, we are only human, we make mistakes the key is we have to learn from them....

Hello, Rusty! I absolutely agree with you, that folks should be aware of potentially making another person's situation worse.  When someone is feeling low/having a tough time, and turns to MINTIS for a boost, it only takes one negative/degrading comment to make that person feel even worse. You have a beautiful family, and an obviously empathic heart. I am very new to this community, and I wrote advice in response to a question (versus just an answer), not really knowing the rules. While I take responsibility for my ignorance, it was hurtful to see the "one star" rating, and negativity of people jumping on my back, for an honest mistake.  I don't contribute to this site for any moolah; I try to contribute because I just might have something to offer.  So, anyway, thanks for the gentle reminder. All my best to you and your family.

Great article and anything that promotes the feel good factor on Minti has 5 stars from me, however, I was a little lost because like probably a lot of others I did not see the question you refer to or the answers so the article did kind of lose its punch because of that

Good on you for writing it, I do feel though that in a community like this, if you do ask a question you are going to be guaranteed a variety of answers, some you may like and some you don't so you need to be prepared for anything when you post the question. I do believe though it is always possible to give your opinion in a non threatening, non judgemental way, thus making the person who posted the question understand what you are saying but at the same time not end up feelig worse than they do already. The community of Minti is worldwide so you will never get everyone agreeing with you, but wouldn't it be great if everyone coudl give their opinion without judging you

xxx

Hi Rusty, I don't know what the question was about, which makes this posting somewhat cryptic and hard to follow... I gess you are just saying to put yourself in someone elses shows and show empathy when responding to questions... The thing is, when you ask for advice, or post advice, you really need to be prepared for the fact that you may not always like what you hear.  I like to think of that as an opportunity to grow as a person and in turn find empathy for where the other person is coming from.  Love and kindness are all very well, however I don't think people should feel they need to suppress their true thoughts, especially on topics that they may have a lot of experience or passion about.