As you all know my daughter recently had a miscarriage

But there was no shock for us

The baby had died a few weeks before

My daughter had already instinctively sensed a problem

The same had happened

Its not a genetic inheritance

It is a silent miscarriage


Like myself all those years before, my daughter safely had her 12 week scan and we had the pictures to celebrate over.
However, not long after, my daughter, who due to relationship difficulties, came to me in tears, saying she didn't feel pregnant.....
The alarm bells were ringing so clearly in my head that I felt the deja vu of all those years previously telling people I felt something was wrong and I didn't feel pregnant anymore. I was constantly told to stop worrying, everything was fine, I wasn't ill I was just pregnant !!!! But the thing is.......I did feel ill.......I just couldn't explain in what way I felt ill.
My daughter explained to me that the sickness had stopped, her breasts were no longer sore and tender, her tummy didn't feel bloated and she was even comfortable sleeping on her tummy again.........
So like any mother who has worn my shoes........I feared the worst.
My daughter then had a call to go back to the midwife as they wanted to re take the bloods that they had taken a week earlier, maybe there was no connection maybe there was, we never found out, but I do remember vividly my daughter asking if baby was okay, only to have no reassurances other than a smile and a "We'll see how things go"
I think my daughter at this stage was so overwhelmed, that she reacted badly to more blood being taken and she almost fainted.
I can see us even now with my daughter lying across two chairs, the midwife going to get some water and me on my knees cradling her head in my hands as her head was hanging over the chairs......all she kept repeating were the words "I'm sorry I'm so sorry"
Looking back, it was actaully a great tension breaker as we did have a giggle together about this when she felt herself again and it had definitely distracted her from the indecisive answer the midwife had given her as to if her baby was going to be ok........it hadn't distracted me........I knew !!!!
We were given an appointment for a scan for the next week, even though I had that intuition that something was very wrong, I knew it would be the scan that would confirm this for us.
My daughter never made the scan date. A few days later she started having strong stomach cramps and spotting, then after an evening with her crying and telling me she knew something was wrong..........she woke me at 1.30am to say she was scared. She even lay down on my bed next to me and we intermitently dozed and chatted however it wasn't long before the bleeding started.
At hospital it was very clear that the baby was gone but it was decided it was in my daughters best interests to also have a D and C to make sure that nothing was left behind to risk infection.
definition in wikipedia: D_and_C

So!  Do  you ever get over a miscarriage
I would have to say that 25 years after mine, the answer is a resounding NO, you never do, there are always things that trigger a memory and you wonder..........
But I do believe that you DO eventually come to terms with a miscarriage
You never stop mourning the loss, but the pain doesn't come with the memory, or at least for some who still have the pain, its not the intense, sharp and overwhelming pain that you first have to live with

So what is a Silent Miscarriage?
This is the type of miscarriage where baby dies inside the womb, but the body does not immediately reject the baby, you can go for a few weeks without even realising there is a problem, well that is what the professionals say. I beg to differ because I believe each woman knows her own body pretty well, you develop that intuition and you know that something is not right.
For me I was told I had continued to carry my baby for six weeks after the baby had died. My midwife was getting quite frustrated with me saying I thought something was wrong. In the end it was a routine scan at almost 20 weeks that detected the baby had died and was disintegrating inside me.
25 years ago my gynae wanted me to carry on the remainder of my pregnancy losing the baby bit by bit over the coming weeks. Can you imagine how soul destroying that would have been, I saw my own GP who agreed with me, I switched gynaes and was seen a couple of days later by this lovely, sympathetic gynae who decided to step in and conduct an immediate D and C so I could start grieving and start recovering.

Statistically this is not too common an occurrence, thankfully

Personally I would highly recommend though that whilst pregnant you do have regular care, you listen to your body at all times and you make sure that if something doesn't feel right, find someone who will listen to you.