The way we deal with our children as they grow will make or break our relationship with the kids.. One could be a perfect parent to toddlers and babies and then end up ruining all their hard work from allowing themselves to take whats said and done in the teens as a personal attack on your parenting .. our kids just need to know that they have someone that cares about them thru all their faults.. I think there needs to be education to train teens haha.. thanx for your comment xx

PS:  Writing is like artwork, if you find nothing within it you can relate to, it just looks abstract to all those who it doesnt concern, am sure that anyone in my situation would have no trouble understanding this advice, anyone going thru the empty nest stage prematurely knows exactly what I am referring to and its trials and tribulations. It the 21st century life of separated parents and the facts that when a child leaves home these days, they have another parent to go to, not the street, forcing us to just deal with the fact they are gone without the support of the law to bring them home to us as they too know its fruitless to force a child of any age old enough to make decisions.. It will just cause them to become more and more withdrawn and emotionally separated from you... When this happens you have to make a choice.. kick and scream and look like the terrible mother the other parent makes you out to be, or stand tall with your chin up knowing that your job up until this point has impacted their ability to trust you love them more than anything in the world...

You are correct parenting is confusing; however an advice article about parenting is easier to understand if it is clear, concise, solution orientated.  The basic formula for most writing is that it should contain a beginning a middle and an end; i.e. an idea, information and conclusion. 

I am grateful that you took the time to respond in such detail to my query; however I still find the article extremely confusing as it leaps from one aspect to another and the topics don't seem related to one subject.

constructive criticism is always helpful.. however you seem to be the only one who doesnt understand it!! The solution is to let your children know you love them and let them make their own mistakes as long as there is no physical risk to them or their health that is... Perhaps if you take the time to read my profile and the events happening in my life right at the moment, you will make sense of what has taken place, I didnt write an article intending to be professional, I wrote it as I felt it, if i was professional, I would write a book and profit from my expertise.. unfortunately, I am a mum, not a famous writer or counsellor that has done numerous years on education getting diplomas and certificates to qualify me for others education on any subject.. I read some of your work too and commend you on your efforts, voted quite highly by myself also.. perhaps the human touch is needed though, none of us are perfect, thankyou for your feedback. Mel

46 visits and only a few comments... This often means that people just don't know what to say and many haven't voted - this sometimes happens when people don't finish reading the advice post, or get confused.  I could be wrong, however that is one of the reasons that I tried to give you some pointers that may make your advice easier for people to understand.  Thank you for your comment on my advice postings, however the comments I have made are not about you or myself, they are in regard to this particular advice posting. 

Think of it this way, if say, someone were to tell you a tale of how they lost their entire family in the recent bushfires, how inproper would it be to write in and tell them how horrid their spelling is and how this has to go in this and that order. As it states in my advice, this is my experience, for those who would like to read.. if you dont want to read, move on, there is no point in acting like you are the only parent in minti that has a clue and everyone else is to be subject to your rules.. I read many articles and dont comment, not because i dont like it, but because i havent at that time got anything off the top of my head to write and I am simply reading the article. I have seen many of your posts to other minti mums, and most of it boasts how you have decided its not up to your standards!! this is my posting, if you dont like it, read something else!! you have a three year old and I have 6 children ranging in age from 12 thru to 4yo, my advice is just as valid as the next person.. infact to a point you could say i have many more years parenting experience, but, you dont see me going into your advice and telling you how to write it! Please, spare yourself the embarrassment of writing on my page, its not wanted or needed, you have given me your opinion now its bordering on just being plain ol' rude. Honestly I dont want you to read or understand my posts, I really didnt write this for a mum to a 3yo!!!  Initially I just thought you were picking on me.. but then read what you have written to other mums, I do remember what it was like to think i knew it all when i was a new mum too.. not any more as I am open to learning from those with more experience these days, it comes from maturity. All the best with your minti experience.. keep it separate from mine in the future and stop writing on my page please.

As I mentioned earlier; my comments are in relation to the advice posting and were made in good faith.  I don't appreciate the fact that you are trying to make this into something personal.  Everyone has the right to vote and comment on content on the site; the posting is public.  I did not belittle the value of the articles content, the topic or anything of the sort; I merely stated that I found it confusing to read.  Please be aware that this is not your page and everyone has the right to comment honestly in regard to advice postings; including myself.

I dont believe you have the right to continue what is obviously unwanted .. yes you have the right to comment.. and yes you are belittling my advice.. i have read you correcting typos on other pages too, for some reason you seem to think its helpful to go round correcting other peoples advice.. constructive criticism is about helping people , you asked questions about my post, i gave you answers and its like talking to Dory the fish off Nemo!! If it were so confusing how would i attract posts from people who obviously understood what I was writing about.. I dont know what you have joined this site for, but I personally dont go round reading other peoples advice expecting to make them all look like dumbos compared to myself.. its thats what floats ya boat.. then keep going but I will be writing in to ask them how to ignore someone on the site that is not making your own experience a good one.. I've worked long and hard for years, to gather together the information that I put out for others to read.. ok this is as simple as it gets

1) mother learns by her experience too late that she hasnt gone the right way about letting her 12yo know she is important, at the same time as MIL and her ex's family have gone into attack mode verbally thoughtout her daughters entire life that her mother is no good etc.. a vendetta no less

2) Daughter feels overwhelmed with not enough attention from mum, packs her bags and runs to her fathers friends house, at which time the child is blocked from seein her mother and instructed to tell police that she does not wish to see her mother.. the mother recieves no help from the law, no empathy from those who got involved.

3) Mother pines for her daughter and loses sleep, cries every night for weeks on end as her daughter is spoilt and encouraged to have nothing to do with her own mother as long as she expects to have the novelties she is recieveing.. such as a 60 dollar a week allowance ..how many mothers can afford to do this for all 6 children???

4) Mother has to realise that all of her time she spent raising her daughter has to be important enough for that child to realise that she is loved by her mother eventually, and the mother is far better off letting her daughter find out thru experience the answers she needs ( she has a roof over her head and she isnt on the street doing drugs)  The solution.. rather than pushing her daughter away, she needs to embrace that infact her daughter is growing up and finding the answers to the painful questions that she asks herself due to the divorce and family breakup that she has been part of...

I have read your profile, I can see you havent been thru the experiences that I have been through, and to be honest I will make 100 spelling mistakes.. it insults me that you are too selfish to read more meaning into someones story than to just simply pick out spelling mistakes and errors that you feel need correcting.. i read one post of yours to which you picked on another mother about using the incorrect word.. even silly old me knew what she was talking about and didnt need to pick on her for the typo.. it defeats the purpose of reading it to begin with! I wrote this post, following an extremely painful time for me in the hope that other minti mums who were going thru same or similar or even perhaps put their own parents thru it, could feel that they werent alone in what they were experiencing!

Keep writing on this 'public page' if you wish to do so, to be honest i really couldnt be bothered entertaining you any longer so there will be no more responses to your questions. I've dumbed it down for you to read.. hopefully you can make some sort of sense out of what I have written... if not.. well then I give up!!!

Things between her and I are definately improving. She still insists that she wants to stay where she is, but i have been leaving the visits up to her decision on when to come and stay and when not to. I'm not treading on eggshells anymore and making sure that she knows, when she insults me for no reason, I dont approve of that in my home.. Shes actually seeming like she wants the discipline, perhaps because she has had everything 100% HER way for the last few months, perhaps craving someone to care what shes doing instead of just letting her do whatever she wants.. Quite a few people tell me they see her wandering around on her own or with kids her own age unsupervised.. I worry about her safety at a young age like 12.. but ofcourse nobody tells me this stuff till 2 days later and they didnt want to upset me etc etc.. I have managed to stick to my own morals and values by letting her know that my door is always wide open for her and that she is loved.. not because I want to be the cool parent but because I know that one day ( assuming her dad hasnt changed) she will need someone to lean on at a very tough time... All you can do is be there for them when they need ya, not watch and control their every move! unfortunately they have to make their own mistakes :D